Palindrome

Twenty Eight

"We deserve a chance to talk about the unhappier things without someone calling us a pessimist"

If you're reading this, this one's for you.

Chapter 28

Nagi takes a shaky breath, "Why would you ask for Paxton? I'm your best friend Aarohi. For fuck's sake I've known you since we were kids. But you call Paxton when you need someone? This random dude that you've known for less than a year."

Is she being for real?

I just had a full-blown out attack. And she's here being petty about me calling Paxton? Making this about herself?

But it's always about Nagi, isn't it?

Aarohi, I'm worried about Nico. Damn it, I have another shift today. Chase is being an asshat again with the notes again. Do my nails clash with my outfit? My mom's down my neck for not making it to state shit. Remind me why I'm doing med again? Hey Aarohi, can you make it to today's poetry reading? Oh come on you can do SAT stuff late. I think Nico's mom hates me. Nico might move to Atlanta. You wouldn't get it Aarohi. It's so much worse for him and I'm trying to be strong. This is why I didn't want to tell you. I can't deal with this right now.

Because I haven't been in love.

So I automatically don't get how she feels. That's the assumption I've concealed for a while. Nagi was flustered that day, stressed over the possibility of Nico moving. I know her words didn't have any malice behind them. They just came out in the heat of the moment.

But damn they've haunted me for so long.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you."

Nagi sucks in a harsh breath at my words, "What?"

Call me bad for feeling the way I do. An insecure asshole who can't keep her emotions in check when she needs to do. Someone who's being unreasonable to her best friend who hasn't done anything wrong.

"You're making this about you," I accuse wincing at the poison in my voice.

Nagi blinks soaking in my words. She places a hand on her chest as if I've physically wounded her. Which at this point judging by her expression I just might have.

Anger's building up in me like a slow fire though. Once I've started there's no way I can reign it in for the two of us.

"You heard me," I spit maliciously. "I've had a fucking panic attack. Moments in it I thought I was going to die and you're making this about me calling the one person that can calm me down during one."

The last part was unnecessary, and I can see something snap in Nagi as her expression hardens. She tilts her head to one side, with a smile playing on her lips. I know what game she's playing.

Sucks for her because I can play it too. Cracking my knuckles I let my hands hang by my sides for her to see. Bracelets sliding on my wrist.

"Are you really that naïve Aarohi? Paxton doesn't even know you."

"And you do?" I challenge.

Nagi rolls her eyes, "Yeah of course I do. Aarohi Keshav, the girl obsessed with getting a score above 1500 and turning into a total buzzkill because of it."

Oh, she really didn't just-

I laugh mirthlessly. Everything would be so much better if this were just about a low SAT score. It's not. There is so much going on that she doesn't know about. And I know it's my fault, fuck it's always mine.