What we become

5. I want you to want me

Saturday morning, I woke up extra early to get a head start on the assignments that were due. I finished the rough draft of one and figured I would do the other later that day, after I had seen Harry.

Last night, before heading home, I had told Jess about my plans to meet Harry for a surf in the morning. She had demanded I call her afterwards; she wanted all the details. She also picked out what I was going to wear.

"Oh my god! You need to wear that white bikini. The really skimpy one!" She had said.

"Are you kidding me? It will fall off if I surf in that!" I had responded.

"Exactly!" Jess had grinned devilishly.

"But it will make him notice you, and that killer bod of yours."

So that's exactly what I ended up wearing.

I met Harry at the beach, and he greeted me with a warm hug and a big smile. I pulled off my beach dress to reveal my skimpy white bikini and gathered my long blonde hair up into a high ponytail that fell halfway down my back. I knew Harry was watching me with interest, so I bent slowly to pick up my board, then turned around to face him. He had half a smile on his face, that just touched his eyes and made his dimples pop. And there it was, once again, that look he had given me the first time I met him, and again at the concert. That smouldering look. For half a second, it looked like he was full of desire for me. I blushed a little at the memory of last night.

"Ready?" I said, and the look was gone again. He nodded silently and followed me to the edge of the water.

"Have you surfed before?" I asked and he laughed, almost as if I'd asked him if he had ever had sex before.

"Of course," he said and was the first one in the water. I grinned and followed him in.

He was quite a good surfer, quick and agile on the short board I had let him borrow. Several times, I had to readjust my inappropriate barely-there bikini, but he didn't seem to notice. He surfed close to me and I jumped onto his board. He was surprised and laughed, but I couldn't quite get my balance. So, after a moment of struggling to regain it, he wrapped his arms around me and leapt off the board, taking me with him into the water.

We are both laughing hard and he was still holding me close in the water as the waves crashed around us. I could have kissed him there and then. It would have been perfect. Except that I felt like my bikini was half off, so I quickly ducked under a wave, out of his grasp and fixed it before re-emerging a moment later. He swam over towards me, but something was bugging me. The word 'friends' hung in the air between us. I splashed water at him, then turned to collect my board.

We stayed out there until the sun was burning hot and bright in the sky and we were hungry.

"What do you want to do?" he asked as we dried off on the beach.

What do I want to do? I want to kiss you, I thought to myself. I want you to want me.

I shrugged and smiled, knowing I would spend the rest of the day with him and my assignments would have to wait. "I think it's breakfast time."

Harry glanced at his watch, "I think it's lunch time," he said with a low whistle.

"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" I asked, and I could hear the disappointment creep into my voice, even if he didn't catch it.

"I'm all yours," he said to my delight, and for just a moment, I let my mind wander. I'm all yours. If only! 

We found a quiet cafe by the beach to grab some lunch and I used this opportunity to really get to know Harry. Harry was an open book. He told me about life in London and how his life had changed since becoming famous, the pros and the cons. He told me about his mother, and his sister, Gemma. He liked scrabble, photography and wished he could write more songs, different songs. He spoke of the things, the places and the people he loved with excitement and passion. He was goofy and silly, and he cracked jokes with the hint of a smile always playing at his lips, unable to contain his happiness and excitement. His energy, his very presence, was electric.

I opened up to him about my life. I was an only child, I felt the pressure to perform well at school and go to university, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to be yet. I thought maybe I would be a social worker or a counsellor. I liked to listen when people spoke, like truly listen, and I was forever counselling Jess on every issue she ever had, so maybe one of those jobs would suit me. But honestly, I just wanted to take time off, to travel the world as soon as I turned 18 and graduated next month. I wanted to surf, I wanted to dream, I wanted to just live my life before having to figure it all out and settle down.

Harry admitted he was envious of that freedom and encouraged me to pursue it. He had been discovered at 16, and his life had changed in a way he had never imagined. He was doing exactly what he wanted to do, and it made him happy. But he had grown up very quickly and he felt pressure to be a certain way.

After lunch, we went back to the beach for another swim. We had almost kissed in the waves and again as we flirted on the beach afterwards. It felt like the world's longest and most perfect date... except there was no kiss at the end, because friends didn't kiss. 

I was sure I was falling in love with him, but I had never been in love and I didn't think you could fall in love with someone that fast. Surely not. It must have been lust. I was falling in lust with him.

I went to the bathroom and when I came back out, the look in his eyes was cheeky and devilish, like he knew he was up to no good. I hadn't been gone for longer than a minute, what could he have possibly done?

"What?" I asked suspiciously and I laughed because his grin was so infectious.

"Nothing," he shrugged playing coy.

"I know you're up to something," I said.

"Me?" he asked, feigning shocked, and that's when I noticed my phone in his hands.

"Ah-ha!" I pointed and he grinned as I moved towards him, my hand held out to get it back. But he held it just out of my reach. I came close to him, acutely aware of my scantily clad body dressed only in the worlds sexiest white bikini pressing against his near-naked body as I tried to get it back. He shook his head slowly, my phone still out of reach. He showed me the screen, with his selfie set as the background image.

"Harry!" I giggled, reaching again for my phone.

"I demand payment to get it back."

"And what is it you demand?" I asked, so close I could lean up and kiss him.

"I'm sure you will think of something," he said, his voice low and husky. We were standing so close, close enough to kiss. I could smell the sun in his hair and the residue from the salty beach on his skin. He was perfect. And of course, I did what no girl would do. I snatched his phone from his pocket and sprinted off down the beach.

He caught up to me in a matter of seconds, hands wrapping around my waist as I laughed and yelped. He picked me up and I marvelled at his ripped muscles and tattooed chest as he threw me over his shoulder. I quickly took a selfie on his phone, as I dangled over his shoulder, but I didn't have time to set it as his background before he swung me upside down.

"I give up!" I squealed and he laughed, letting me back down.

"A phone for a phone," he said offering my phone back to me.

"Thank you," I said sweetly, "But I think I will keep your phone. It's not cracked like my crappy one."

"Is that right?" That devilish grin spread across his face again.

I nodded slowly and sprung up, but before I had made it more than three steps, he had tackled me to the ground, rolling beneath me to break my landing. Then he rolled me over quickly, so I was beneath him and held me down with his body.

"Fine, you win," I laughed in forfeit, breathless from our proximity.

"You have to say 'mercy'," he said and again, his eyes were smouldering and his face was an inch from mine.

Be brave, Ella. I told myself.

"And if I don't?" I teased flirtatiously.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he said again, and I was sure we were going to kiss. All I had to do was lift my head slightly and close the gap.

"Harry!" I gasped suddenly, as a man ran over to us. He was snapping pictures furiously and Harry rolled off me.

"Is this your girlfriend?" The man asked, but Harry put a hand up to shield his face, then we walked quickly back to our stuff and left.