What we become

19. Midnight city

Zayn ended up pulling out of a few interviews and performances over the next few days. He had a slight cold, but nothing that had ever stopped him before. I had a sinking feeling that he wasn't in a good place within himself. He was hard to talk to; it was impossible to get more than a superficial conversation out of him. I didn't push him too much to open up, but I let him know I was there if he needed me.

The boys went onstage again that night, Harry taking Zayn's lines. He was the only member of the band who could reach the high falsettos.

Afterwards, as we lay in bed together, I stroked his hair as his fingers slowly tickled up and down my back. "You know, your voice is pretty unique. A bit folksy, a bit rocker. It's edgy and strong and so powerful. Your range is unbelievable. It's almost wasted being in a band."

He looked up at me. "We might not be a band much longer," he confessed. I had been thinking as much over the past month, almost horrified that those words would come out of his mouth. "Zayn has really struggled to be away from everyone for so long and he's dreading the thought of another tour this year. He's going to leave."

I was silent for a moment, feeling his hurt and confusion. I held him close and kissed him gently.

"What will that mean for the rest of you?" I finally asked.

"I guess we will try to regroup and move forth with just the four of us. We promised the label one more album and tour this year, and the sad thing is, it's almost finished. Now we will need to change a lot of it. There's a lot of work to do in a small amount of time."

I thought Harry's life, our life, had already been hectic the last few months. I had no idea what he was in for and what the road ahead would mean for us.

"When will it be announced?" I asked.

"His absence has already been noticed and there's speculation he will leave, so it's only a matter of time."

He turned to look at me. "El, I wanted to take you to this cool pub tomorrow. A lot of Australian's go there for Australia Day. I thought it might be a nice little taste of home for you. But we have a meeting tomorrow. We need to figure out our next step."

"It's okay," I said, but I thought that would have been perfect; to spend Australia Day tomorrow among fellow Aussies. But the fate of the band was more important, so I didn't mind. I would always put Harry first; his band and his career were far more important than me missing out on Australia Day.

~

Harry left early in the morning and I cleaned the house until I was well and truly bored. Late in the afternoon, Harry text me.

Going to be a late one. Sorry x

So, I rugged up in warm clothes, and wandered out on my own.

After a quick Google search, I found out a lot of Australian's lived in Clapham, so I drove there and wandered around for a while, before I found a loud, music-pumping pub with drunk Australian's packed in.

I was immediately recognised the moment I walked in.

"Ella!" A small group of girls called. I was drawn to their Australian accents; it felt like home.

"We LOVE you!" they gushed. "You're like the Princess Mary of the pop world."

I laughed at that and they introduced themselves as Carly and Amanda from Melbourne, Australia. They were joined by a girl called Anastasia, who was Dutch, but the girls had taken her under their wing and corrupted her with their Australian ways.

I joined them for a drink and before I knew it, I was laughing and having a great time with them. The conversation started with a million questions about Harry, which was typical I guess, but I remained coy and they soon got bored. So the conversation evolved; we talked about school, their work and what they were studying. I told them about my life back home and how I missed the surf. I looked down at my hands and realised, not for the first time, how much my suntan had faded. I began to feel normal for the first time since leaving Australia; no paparazzi, no security guards, and before I knew it, I was happily tipsy.