What we become

20. Twenty years

The next morning, I woke up as Harry was searching the room for his clothes, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair still wet from the shower.

"Sorry," he said quietly." I didn't mean to wake you." He kissed my forehead lightly and I watched him as he dropped his towel and found some clothes to wear. I flushed slightly at his naked body before me, thinking of the desperate way we had needed one another last night. There was a longing, a yearning, to our love last night; I could feel he wanted me, needed me, as much as I needed him.

"You're leaving?" I asked as he pulled the rest of his clothes on.

He nodded slightly. "It's being announced today," he said, and I felt my stomach drop. "They're going to release a statement shortly and we will push forward with just the four of us. We need to go to the studio and rework the last album without Zayn."

"Do you want me to come?" I asked, hopeful.

"Why don't you sleep in a bit and come meet me for lunch? I expect there will be a lot of interviews. Our publisher is meeting us to tell us how to answer any questions. Might be good for you to hear too, just in case you get put on the spot out an about."

I nodded and he kissed me quickly. Then he was gone.

I didn't want to sleep. I wanted sunshine and fresh air. I decided I wanted to go for a run. I had never run before; I had always surfed. But the beaches here weren't like the ones at home. They were two hours away, cold and flat. Even when the beach got waves, it was just a messy, icy, whitewash. You couldn't surf that kind of water. I missed the beautiful barrels and the point breaks back home.

I realised later, that I had lost my phone. I had left it in Carly's back pocket and forgotten to retrieve it in the drama that ensued. I wiped it remotely, using Harry's Mac to log into 'find my iPhone'. I hoped I had wiped it before she took the opportunity to abuse my trust and expose the secrets on my phone.

Thankfully, as the days passed, I began to relax as nothing personal from my phone ever surfaced. That probably had more to do with Carly being a genuine person than my wiping it clean in time. Regardless, the paparazzi had a field day with my evening out. The headlines that had followed were embarrassing and humiliating. The articles ranged from stories of me cheating on Harry, to being too wild and out of control, to being an alcoholic and of course there were ones about Harry and I being on the verge of breaking up.

"Ignore it," Harry said, wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling into my neck. "We know it's not true." I felt more at ease when he said that, and realised I had felt on edge, worried he might break up with me at any moment. Not for the first time, I loved him even more for his graciousness and kindness.

Harry's birthday came and went; instead of spending it in the south of France, as we had originally planned, we spent it in the studio. I watched as he and the boys recorded new music for their album. That night, I gave him a book of bound French love poems which I had painstakingly translated to English. He had fallen asleep before we were able to make love, exhausted by the long hours he spent in the studio.

The month passed slowly. Harry forgot about Valentine's day... or maybe he just didn't celebrate it. I made him a big, impressive dinner, which was cold by the time he made it home. He apologised and I forgave him. Instead of making love on the kitchen table as I imagined we would, he turned on the shower but fell asleep on the edge of the bed, with one shoe still on. The shower was still running, forgotten just like the special Valentine's dinner I had made him. I turned it off, removed his other shoe and tucked him in. He usually fell asleep before we could make love these days. I thought about that often as I watched him sleep while I lay awake at night.   

As the weeks wore on, I was mainly on my own, so I ran to pass the time and ease my loneliness. I loved the numbness of the run, the pain in my muscles after a hard session. It made me forget about my stress and my loneliness. By the end of March, I was running ten kilometres easily. Some days, Harry joined me. Those were my favourite days. We would sprint the last block, racing one another home. He usually beat me, but not today.

Harry pulled up next to me, clutching at his side. "You're getting quick," he gasped.

"I think you're just getting old," I joked.

"I'm only nineteen!"

"You're twenty years old," I corrected him, and he looked genuinely confused.

"It was your birthday last month... remember?"

"Oh yeah. This year is passing so quickly."

I gave him a small smile. It had dragged on forever for me.

"Hey, I was thinking," Harry said as we went inside. "The new tour starts soon. Maybe Jess would like to join us?"

"Really?" I asked, a smile spreading across my face. I had missed her so much.

"Yeah," Harry chuckled at the look on my face, and I knew he was acutely aware of how lonely I was getting.

"I would love that, so much." I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Anything for my girl," he smiled and kissed me on the nose.

I gazed up into his beautiful smiling eyes, breathing him in. Even after a run, he smelt like an angel.

I kissed him lightly on the lips, tentatively. He hadn't had much time for me and he was absolutely exhausted lately, so it was getting hard to remember the last time we had made deep, passionate love. But I still yearned for him the way I always had. Did he still yearn for me too? I wasn't sure anymore. It certainly didn't seem like he needed me the way I needed him. 

He kissed me back, long and deep. Was I imagining that, or was his excitement growing too? Maybe today our drought would end. I broke the kiss, pulling my clothes off in front of him. I turned and walked into the bathroom and I knew he was following me.

As I made it into the bathroom, I felt his naked body press up behind me, his hands wrapped around my waist. One hand reached up to my breasts, one worked its way down south. I tilted my head backwards, hungrily searching for his mouth and moaned into it softly as his magical fingers worked their way expertly around my pussy. 

His tongue twisted with mine and I felt his hard erection pushing into my back. I pulled myself free and turned around, facing him. I melted into his kisses as he lifted me up, sitting me on the bathroom sink. I didn't need any foreplay beyond his kisses. My pussy was soaking, yearning for him. I took his hard cock in my hand and guided it inside me.

This is the Harry I knew and loved; the sexy, spontaneous and hungry man before me. I melted with desire for this beautiful human in front of me as the wave of another orgasm took control, one after the other.

Afterwards, we showered and splashed each other. It felt easy, like it always did when we were together, like there was nothing else in the world that we would rather be doing. We kissed and licked, teasing one another, before he took me again under the warm downpour of water.

"Hey, I have something for you," Harry said as we dried ourselves off.

"I couldn't possibly go again," I joked, and he laughed as he ducked out of the room.

"I can't believe I almost forgot," he called from the other room. A moment later, he was back with two tickets.

"The Temper Trap?" I asked as I stared at the tickets in my hands, a smile spreading across my face.

"Yeah, I thought we could go together."

I looked at the dates.

"Won't you be on tour?"

"We," he corrected.

"Won't we be on tour?" I repeated.

"We're in Japan around the same dates. We play Tokyo and they play Osaka. We will make it work," he promised.

I threw my arms around him and squealed with joy as he kissed me and laughed at my delight.