The Antiquity of Us (La Fortuna Series #2)

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Matter

"Yonie, wait!"

Umalingawngaw ang sigaw ni Nisa sa corridor pero 'di ko siya nilingon. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad kahit wala na akong makita dahil sa mga luhang namumuo sa gilid ng mga mata ko. I was feeling dizzy because I hadn't eaten anything since I woke up. Sa paningin ko'y gumagalaw na ang kongkretong dinadaanan ko. I couldn't care less though. Sobrang nanlulumo ako.

I just flunked my practical exam! Shit lang? Napaka-tangina naman!

Gustong-gusto kong mag-breakdown sa gitna ng corridor pero 'di ko ginawa. I hadn't slept last night. 'Yon ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit 'di maganda ang disposisyon ko sa eksaminasyon ko kanina. Kung minamalas pa, nagka-migraine ako sa gitna ng pagpipinta.

My creative juices weren't working and my hands were shaking as well. Dumagdag pang ang professor na nag-proctor sa amin ay 'yong nagbigay sa 'kin ng tres. He disliked me and I had to endure his judging glares while painting. Ang distracted ko dahil may problema na nga kay Dad, kay Mom, kay Kiro, at ngayon, pati kay Atlas pa.

"Sandali lang, Ionna!" sigaw ni Ahab.

Pero 'di na nila ako mapipigilan. I wanted to take a breather. 'Di ko alam kung saan ako pupunta o kung paano ko ilalabas lahat ng nagpatong-patong kong problema ngayon. This week's been nothing but a free trial to hell.

Dahil pinagtitinginan ako ng mga nadadaanan kong estudyante, napagdesisyunan kong pumunta muna sa girl's restroom. Ikinulong ko ang sarili ko sa loob ng cubicle at walang pakundangang humagulhol. I hate my life! Bakit ganito? Ano bang kasalan ko?

As if on cue, my phone beeped consecutively. Nang tignan ko ang screen ay mas lalo lang akong naiyak dahil pangalan ni Atlas ang tumunghay sa 'kin.

Atlas:
How's Midterms, babe?

Humikbi ako. The screen became wet with my tears. I scrolled up on our message feed so that I could read his previous messages.

Atlas:
I want to hear your voice. Can I call?

Atlas:
Are you asleep?

Atlas:
Guess you are.

Atlas:
Can I tell you something?

Atlas:
I like you so much. So so much.

Atlas:
Rough times may come and in some days, rain may pour down.
But we will walk through it together.

Atlas:
You will always be my sunny days, my love.
Goodnight.

A feeling of consolation and relief washed over my system but it was short-lived. Tinupok at nilunod 'yon ng pagsisisi at panunumbat para sa kaniya, pero mas higit na para sa 'kin.

He had a bad day yesterday, yet there he was, texting me sweet messages and pretending like he was okay. Kung maganda man ang intensyon niya, 'di na 'yon importante. It wouldn't erase the fact that he didn't trust me enough to show me his vulnerabilities.

I thought we shared a bond. But if we did, he would have been more transparent. 'Di siya dapat nagsinungaling. I scoffed at myself. What a hypocrite, Iowa. Sino ka para hilingin ang bagay na 'di mo maibigay sa kaniya? Who are you to demand honesty and transparency, when you yourself is a scam and a fraud?

Habang tahimik na humihikbi sa cubicle, pakiramdam ko'y 'yon na ang pinakamababa kong narating buong buhay ko. Nisa and Ahab were my friends but they clicked more just the both of them. Mom and Dad were still in my life and I could see them, touch them... but they never felt this far. Kiro, who I thought was kind, started being cold to me and might even leave our family. And above all, Atlas...