NA YUTA 。feelings

▎ twenty-three

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"I'll do it" I said, raising my hand so the teacher would acknowledge me.

She gazed at my direction and nodded her head. "Very well, thank you Eunsol."

Without further delay, I rushed out of the science lab to get the equipment from the storage room, its the area where we usually keep projects that were not finished because its dangerous for it to be lying around casually. Especially nowadays that our experiments are getting more difficult to manage.

I fished the key out of my pocket and inserted it into the key hole but the door was already opened. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion but decided to get inside anyway. This time, I made sure I got inside the right room before getting in.

I blocked the door with a chair to keep it from closing. I do not need another scenario where I get locked up with someone who hates me or worse, get locked up alone.

I hummed a few songs, carefully reading the labels for each boxes.

"I knew you'll be here" A voice echoed in the lifeless room and I turned my head around.

"Eunsol, how long will you volunteer to bring the boxes?" He walked towards me, a sad smile curves up in his handsome face.

"Doyoung, I can do this alone" I spoke when I saw him carrying the boxes all to himself.

"I'll do it instead. But you have to do something in return" He sternly said and I shook my head.

"No thanks. The least thing I want is to have debts from you" I ignored his gaze that followed my figure everywhere.

I suddenly stopped walking when he grabbed my wrist. "Yah Park Eunsol"

I wanted to look at him, I really do. But I won't do it. I'm gonna fall all over again if I do.

He didn't speak after calling my name. And seeing how he just practically yelled at me. I'm sure he's serious. He never calls me with my last name unless he's mad.

He let out a exhausted sigh and spoke again "I'll carry this for you whether you like it or not"

I stared at the floor and I could still feel him looking at me.

"After this. We really need to talk"

I grabbed the boxes from his grip "we don't need to talk. there's nothing to talk about"

He chuckled angrily "Nothing to talk about?"

"Yes, now if you can just excuse me..." I walked passed him but he grabs me softly again.

"Why are you being like this?!" His loud voice made me flinch.

"Why are you suddenly shouting?" my voice became weak under his stare.

"I should be shouting and I deserve to be mad!" He raked his brown hair and licked his lips.

"Why are you ignoring me?" He questioned, his hands on his hips as he wait for my answer.

don't cry, don't cry. Why is it so hard to walk away? I stared at his features and the more I did. The more I can't stand looking at him without hurting.

What I'm about to do might end our friendship forever. I don't even know if I can talk to him after this. After all, I'm the one to blame for this endless suffering. He should be the one hating me, not the other way around.

"Do you really wanna know?" I glared at him.

"Yes, tell me so we can fix it"

"I don't want to be your friend anymore. Its exhausting and boring. This friendship will never work out and we both knew that."

He laughed softly "you're joking right? After eleven years your suddenly calling me boring?"

Tears were threatening to leave my eyes but I retrained them from doing so. I need to let him go even if the only way to do so is break this relationship.

"Yes, I'm calling you corny and weird"

That's one of the reason why I like you.

"that's one of the reason why I don't like you"

He poked his tongue on his cheeks, something that he does when he's mad. "Something is definitely wrong Eunsol. You're not the type to do this"

"And I will find out." he whispered, walking away and slamming the door shut in the process.

I can't take it anymore. As soon as Doyoung left the room. I crouched on the floor, sobbing on my knees.

I'm as fragile as a broken glass and if one more person stomps on me. I'll surely fall apart.

~

"Are you sure you won't come with us to the bonfire?" Seon Mi and Mina's voice spoke from the end of the line, they're on their way to this beach party held in the middle of the semester and everyone's been dying to go. Even Hari can't make the call because she's living her life, probably drinking sweet juice.

I pursed my lips together. I'll have to put my swimwear on if I decide to go.

I shook my head, dodging the thought away "No thanks. I'd like some alone time with my books"

Mina whined "Come on, it'll be fun"

"Sorry guys. I don't feel like going"

"But-"

"Sorry, my mom is calling. I'll call you back!" I pressed the button and my room began to be silent again.

I sighed softly, walking out of my bed and stepping on the weighing scale. In front of it, is a full length mirror where I can clearly see my reflection.

I'm gaining too much weight. This can't happen in the middle of my preparation. I need to lose these fats. I strictly followed my diet and I never skipped my training. what's wrong?

I nibble on my bottom lip as I stared at the clock.

I tried to think of another way but I couldn't. My gaze moved to the clock again. I followed its movements and I carefully listened to its ticking.

Pills. that's right. Diet pills. That's the only way. There's no other way.

I eagerly took my coat and opened my bedroom door.

I'm sure the pharmacy is still open.

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