NA YUTA 。feelings

▎ thirty

I stepped into the shower, my toes shivering as they touched the cold bathroom floor. I hung my towel on the rack and twisted the faucet, releasing thousands of warm water drops to my hair and lowering down to my body. I bathed my skin lightly, trying my best not to touch the result of my hard work, bruises.

I've been working non stop this past couple of days. Needless to say, I haven't been spending time with my friends nor my mother.

I have always been a friendly, warm and caring person. Even as a child I'm never selfish to give what's mine because I loved the feeling of giving someone happiness. Often people come to me in times of trouble and I gave all I had - my whole heart. At such a young age, I have a lot of friends and people leant on me, expecting me to soothe them. Which is why I'm quite popular at school.

Yet when my time to suffer came, I feel completely alone. Perhaps this is why I felt so broken after founding out about the divorce and hearing my first love turns out to be completely one sided.

I went through a phase of never wanting to speak to anybody, even my mother and even Doyoung.

All I could rely on was ballet. I spend my time in my studio or in the academy, practicing. Because only ballet makes me feel so welcome, like I'm in the right place.

Because I can tell you I never felt more empty in mind and body more than being in my own house.

My only refuge is my studio. For hours I would have no emotion, only an urge to move further away and achieve what I want. Then after an hour, I'd be on the floor, breathing heavily and ignoring the pain from my injuries. Days became weeks and months, and in every single moment of every single day my soul never saw the light. I realized that all rainbows and cupcakes don't exist.

After I finished taking a shower and wearing my clothes. I walked to my mini library and took a book I felt like reading.

I cuddled my pillow and covered myself with a blanket, "Eunsol, happy birthday. Good job turning to 19." I sighed, opening the book.

That's right. This is how I planned my birthday to be this year.

No distractions and no visitors. Just me.

Just as I was getting comfortable, a voice said against the thin door of my bedroom. "Ms. Eunsol?"

I frowned, "Yes?"

"Someone is looking for you." She politely spoke.

"Just wait for them to go away. They'll just leave." I said.

I made myself clear that I did not want any visitors on this special occasion.

"It seems like they're not going anywhere."

I sighed, aggressively pushing my blanket and stepping out of the room.

The sound of the doorbell greeted me continuously.

"coming!"

I opened the door and found no one.

"Hello?" I furrowed my eyebrow.

Silence.

"Okay then." I shrugged and was about to close the door.

But something caught my eye.

I grabbed the thin paper on the mat and slowly opened it.

Meet me in my office.
-mom

I wanted to throw the paper away.

"Nanny." I said and the house maid quickly came in front of me.

"Please lock the door. I'll just use the spare key." she nodded her head and quickly brought me a coat and a set of new clothes.

"Thank you nanny." I spoke once I was done with changing.

I left the house and surprisingly, a driver was already waiting in the front garden. Taxis are improving in this area compared to last year in terms of speed.

I slid inside and buckled the seatbelt.

"please go to my-"

"your mother's office." the driver said and i chuckled in response.

"Yes.." I said. "let's get this over with." I mumbled annoyingly.

~

"Uhh, excuse me? My mother's office is that way." I pointed at the opposite direction.

We've been driving around for estimately 40 minutes and I was too invested in my phone to even notice until now.

"What?" He said, acting clueless.

I leaned forward, scanning the area.

"Stop the car." I warned him but instead, he stepped on the accelerator.

"I said step on the car or I'll call the police!"

He ignored my screams and continued to drive. My heart pounded in my chest as if its about to jump out.

Oh my gosh, he's gonna kill me.

"We're here." He smiled, facing me.

I looked around the area and I was no where near my mother's office.

"Sorry but I clearly said to take me to the address I gave you." I said as if I didn't just receive a near death experience.

"This is the place." He pointed at a building with no lights on.

I stared at the window and back at the driver. When I saw that he didn't have any response, I scoffed, leaning on the head of the taxi seat.

I pulled out my phone and texted my mom that there was a mix up with the address and asked for the driver to take me home. But he didn't start the engine nor listened to me.

I shook my head and quickly went out of the vehicle. I'll just get my own ride back.

I knocked on the driver's window and handed him some money.

"I'll pay for your service but I'm sure to rate you 1.." I said, changing my mind, "No, 3 stars for not trying to kill me."

I was about to walk away when I noticed a crowd walking towards me. They were coming closer and closer with different lights in their hands.

"happy birthday to you~"

"happy birthay to you~"

"happy birthday dear Eunsol~"

"Happy Birthday to you!"

Thanks for reading🍁