NA YUTA 。feelings

▎twenty-seven

Its been a month since I've been using the strong sleeping pills. And I've never been so happy for the result. Thanks to it, I can finally sleep peacefully. Its hard keeping it from my mom but I don't want her getting stressed out. She's carrying too much burden to even worry about mine. My ballet practice went on as usual but its a little strange why my muscles seem so stiff and I get tired so easily. But i think its only because I never leave the studio unless I manage my dance. I'm quite a perfectionist.

"Eunsol? Earth to Eunsol?" Winwin snapped his fingers in front of me. My mouth twitched once I realized I was spacing out and not listening to my friends talking. I was too busy becoming gloomy over Doyoung and Han Byul's lovey dovey situation. At the corner of my eye, I could see them laughing. I bet Doyoung told her a lame joke.

"Eunsol?" Taeil used his finger to lift my chin so I could look at him.

"Huh?" I looked at him, confused for a second and he sighs.

"Did you even hear us?" Jungwoo frowned.

"Of course I did" I mumbled.

"What did I say then?" I assume Taeil was the one talking when I spaced out because he was more disappointed than the others.

"You were talking about a video game?" It came out more like a question.

"No. We were talking about you noona" Haechan said.

"Me?" I questioned. They all nodded.

"About me? Why?" I spoke.

"Geez, cheesecake. You should really stop mourning over how math class ended today." Jungwoo suggested, gently stroking my hair with his slender fingers.

For some reasons, I keep losing my focus. Even our math teacher was disappointed with my performance today. Seeing me not answer the equations made everyone silently gasped because I've always been an active participator.

"noona, looking lifeless doesn't fit you." Haechan pouted.

"Are you going through something?" Winwin unexpectedly held my hand but I didn't mind. It was warm and I liked it.

"no, I'm okay" I shrugged.

The school bell finally rang and its everyone's cue to leave for lunch. Winwin frowned once everyone started leaving. The guys flashed a comforting smile to me before exiting the door.

I sighed, feeling a bit dizzy. I slowly tidied up my notebooks back to my bag as well as the others things and left the room.

I massaged my temples, sensing a bad headache coming up.

Since its lunch break, many people were going back and forth between the halls and rooms. I kept my balance even though it was hard being in one place. I avoided all students that came my way. So far, I've been doing good until I crashed on someone's chest.

"do you have any plans this week?" A soft voice spoke. The light from the ceiling blinded me for a second before I adjusted to my vision and found Winwin.

I squinted my eyes close. "N-no. Aside from practice."

He rubbed his nape and brought his hand to my head, caressing my hair.

"I know something is wrong. Do you like wanna talk about it?" This time, he hugged me.

I smiled, hugging him back. "No, its fine. I'm good."

Winwin pulled back and pat my head. "if you're not too tired. Can we meet?"

I nodded, "Sure"

He grinned and said, "I'll send you the address"

My head pounded continuously but I managed to reply to Winwin before he left, "Okay, see you"

"And oh, Eunsol?" Winwin flashed his signature innocent smile before handing me a yellow ballet shoe keychain.

"what's this for? I don't remember doing something worth a gift" I managed to chuckle.

"Advance happy birthday!" He threw his hands, imitating one of those party confettis.

I handled it with care, putting it inside my pocket where its safely kept.

"I hope it calms you down whenever you're stressed out about something. We're your friends but if we aren't around when you need us. That keychain will do the job" He awkwardly said. I found myself smiling at his cuteness.

"Thanks Winwin. I'll think of you when I see it"

Without any of us knowing, somebody have been watching me and Winwin's exchange from afar.

He stood at a distant and I didn't need to look at him to feel his presence. For some reasons, he always stand out in a crowd.

"Yuta, Hi!" Winwin waved his hands at him but he was ignored.

I frowned at Yuta's actions.

"Did I do something wrong?" Winwin asked. I put a hand on his shoulder and shook my head.

"No you didn't do anything...." I gave Winwin a gentle smile before locking my sight toward Yuta's fading figure.

"I'll be back, okay?" I didn't wait for Winwin's response and came running to Yuta.

Thankfully, I was able to catch up to him. Boy, he is fast.

"Hey..." I tapped Yuta on the back and he swiftly faced me with a blank expression.

"I don't know why you're being so mean towards someone who never did something wrong to you. Winwin is a good guy and he always take care of his friends. If you can't do the same, then don't hate the people who does. Yuta, I always try to understand why you're being like this. Its been years since we first met but you never changed. I know saying this now will never replace the fact that you hate me. Don't involve him on your problem with me" I ended my statement with a long sigh. I'm not sure if this is what I wanted to say. I do feel bad that I said all these words to him. But, he needs a wakeup call.

He clicked his tongue. "do you like him or something?"

My eyebrows furrowed from his unexpected question. "After all that? You're asking me if I like Winwin?"

"Do you like him?" Yuta repeated.

I scoffed. "Why do you care?"

"Just answer the damn question!" He suddenly raised his voice which made me flinched. Because of the crowd, no one could hear our interaction.

"what's wrong with you?" My voice was a bit shaky.

I really can't understand his mood. Sometimes he's happy then the next, he'd be shouting and cursing.

I don't know why my mind brought me to Hari's conversation. When she stated confidently that Yuta likes me. I know it doesn't make any sense. I never thought that's possible but now I'm slightly doubting my judgement.

"Are you jealous?" I blankly asked.

His eyes held an emotion I can't read. He stood silent for a second, the quietness made me think if I was right.

But then he chuckled, "I'm jealous? Me?"

He raked his hair, pointing his index finger on me. "Eunsol, your delusional mind is so ridiculous. Damn, you really are something"

I gulped, wanting to say something until he cuts me off.

"You think I like you? Did you ever ask why I glared at winwin in the first place? And out of all fucking people? I'd like you? You must be dreaming" He chuckled.

"Only fools fall for you, Eunsol. Before I get infected with your silly thoughts, I should leave." He momentarily gazed at me.

Yuta scoffed, "I glared at the wall. Maybe you should check your eyes too. Drop by your doctor on the way. See if you need to replace your brain."

Thanks for reading🍁