NA YUTA 。feelings

▎ forty-seven

Pain;

It's the pain in my toes that always makes my practice stop.

"Eunsol, let's keep going. You didn't skip class to rest," I reminded myself.

I stood back up and went to look at myself in the mirror. I trained for 8 hours today. I didn't even stop for lunch. I don't need to gain weight.

I convinced myself that water is all I need. I'm exhausted after a nonstop training but my body is used to it.

At least, that's what I always tell myself.

Since I became Mr. Jihun's student, I trained at his studio. Han Byul and I go to the same alley every single day. I never skipped practice knowing that one day can affect my muscles. If I skip a day, my body will start reacting to the lack of movement.

And every single day, all I received were insults.

It didn't start like this on day one. In fact, Mr. Jihun was quite impressed with my skills.

But school and my ballet classes were getting harder to handle. My mother tried her best not to pressure me.

It wasn't just school that gave me a burden.

I am the next heir of our company. Mother noticed my difficulties and only reminded me about the company once in a while.

To become the next ruler. I have to see to it that I have the worth to inherit and continue the success my mother made. In order to do that, I need to learn. I have no knowledge of mother's world. She understood that I prioritized education and ballet. But now that I'm 19, I also know that I need to get involve with this. I need to start from the very beginning.

"Ahh," I hissed.

I crawled to a corner. I lifted my feet and softly touched my wounded toes.

I sighed, "How will I learn it now? Everything is literally composed of turns."

I leaned my head against the walls. The cold air giving me the hug that I needed.

As of the moment, all I heard was the wooshing sound of the air-conditioner.

The silence was interrupted by a low, steady knock on the door.

I titled my head. Who would visit me at this hour?

"Come in," I said anyway.

I snapped my head towards the person. I gave him an odd gaze before avoiding him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, uninterested of his presence.

"You." ,was all he said.

"Why are you still here?" He asked, lingering near the door.

"Because I'm not at home, Yuta."

He chuckled, "You still have time for sarcasm, huh?"

"Shut up."

I met Yuta's gaze. It was a mix of shock and anger.

I gritted my teeth. I don't even know why he's looking at me with irritation. "What? Now you're angry?"

"Aren't you tired? I'll take you home.."

He tried to hold my hand but I slapped it away. "Whether I go home or not. It's none of your business."

"Eunsol," Yuta whispered into the room. "I understand that you're tired. That's why you should rest."

"Why are you even here?!"

I hate it that I look so vulnerable right now. I hate it that Yuta is looking at me with pity.

I hate everything.

Yuta's gaze landed on the amount of ballet shoes in the left side of my studio.

"You're bleeding." He said worriedly. He looked at my toes and back at the shoes with blood-stains.

I rolled my eyes, "I can see that."

I tried standing up again. But as quick as I attempted, I also fell back in seconds.

Except, Yuta caught me.

"You need to go home."

He harshly grabbed my arms and tried to carry me. As he stepped closer, I balled my hands together.

"Please don't touch me right now."

He hesitantly stepped back. Worry evident in his face.

I stared at him weirdly, "Do you mind leaving?"

Yuta buried his hands on his pocket jeans, "No."

I chuckled sarcastically, "You're acting weird. Did Doyoung send you here?"

"Why does everything I have to do always involves Doyoung?"

"Because you don't do anything that includes me. Unless your friends ask you to."

Yuta cleared his throat. I gave him a small smile, "You hate me, remember?"

Yuta locked his jaw. Probably tired of my attitude. When did he even like me anyway?

I watched him walk close to me.

He caressed my cheeks, looking at me like I was so special.

For a brief moment, I saw care in those dark orbs. "Stop hurting yourself." He said.

I stared at him. He stared right back.

Once I realized it, I immediately pulled away.

"What's wrong with you." I scowled.

"You're acting weird, Yuta."

He laughed softly. He glanced at me with disbelief, "Shouldn't I be asking the same?"

"What are you doing to yourself? Can't you see these injuries? This could get serious, Eunsol." Yuta questioned.

"I don't care.."

"What do you mean you don't care?! This can harm you really badly and you don't fucking care?!"

I scoffed at his sudden outburst.

"I don't need you right now Yuta. You're acting so peculiar. I knew this was just an act."

His eyes soften. My eyes were wet.

Great. Now I'm crying.

"Thanks for coming here and making me feel worse. You hate me and you want me to fail in everything I do. Guess what? You succeeded. Are you happy now?! I'm a failure. You proved that to me. That's what you like, right? Don't ever show your face in front of me again. Don't pretend to be good to me because I know its dumb. For a moment, I actually thought that you'd finally like me. I was wrong. This is stupid." I laughed as tears ran down my cheeks

"I'm..."

"What? Now you're guilty? I don't need that."

With all my strength, I stood up. Yuta ran to me, attempting to help but I pushed him away.

"You are so unbelievable."

He reached for my hand, "Eunsol..."

"Get out!" I motioned to the door.

Yuta didn't move. He just stood there, like a lost puppy.

"I said get out!"

He gulped.

That stare, it held an emotion that I couldn't recognize.

Yuta is so confusing. What does he really feel deep inside?

"I'm sorry," He said before leaving.

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