In Uncharted Waters

Chapter Four

Sorry its so short, I've had a busy weekend! Will be updating more soon! I just became an admin on outerbankscommunity so go check that out!

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Did my heart love till now?

JJ's POV

I walked back in and sat down with the other two. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair as the reality of it all began to set in. What had I just done? I must have been staring blankly ahead for a while before Pope snapped me out of it.

"Bro, you okay?" he asked. My eyes flicked from him to Kie. The aura of them both was weird. Pope looked anxious and uncomfortable, but Kie was still angry. She was worked up and upset.

"Savannah and I just broke up," I said. I knew I was supposed to be more upset about it than I was, but I don't think I've fully processed everything yet. I closed my eyes and remembered how just this morning she was smiling with my dad. He liked her. I loved her. Maybe I should go after her. I could catch her before she went inside. I felt a wave of guilt flood over me as I squeezed my eyes shut and slammed my fist down against the table. Kie's head shot up and looked at me.

"It's okay," she said. "She's a kook. We can find you a nice pogue wh-"

"Shut up Kiara," I said. I tried to justify my actions. I tried to figure out why I said it. Maybe Kie's words got to me. Maybe the whole Topper situation made me act rashly. Maybe I genuinely wanted to break up. I replayed her face in my head and I just wished I had reached out and hugged her. I wished I had told her I didn't mean it. I wished I hadn't said those words at all.

Savannah's POV

The drive home was excruciating. I couldn't get the look on his face off of my mind. How did we go from being in love to this? Just this morning I was making his dad coffee and now I was here. I got home and sat in my car for a while, composing myself. I didn't want to cry and I didn't want to talk about it. I forced myself out of the car and noticed the familiar jeep in the driveway. I sighed and mentally prepared myself to see Topper on top of this mess. I walked in the house and tried to just sneak upstairs.

"Sav! You're home early," Jasp said. I turned around and put a smile on my face.

"Yeah," I said. I tried to hide the shakiness in my voice. I turned around to see him and Topper staring at me. My anxiety was spiking as I fiddled my thumbs. I heard Jasp ask me if JJ was with. I pressed my lips together and he instantly knew something was wrong. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't make the words come out. I flicked my eyes away from him, knowing I could tell him if I wasn't looking at him. "Uh... We broke up this morning. Excuse me!" I climbed the steps quickly and shut the door to my room as my tears began to fall. I silently cried as I crawled into bed. My body felt heavy and I just wanted to lay there forever.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I must've. I dreamt of JJ and the look on his face as he said we should break up. I can see his face perfectly. It was emotionless with no sign of regret. A knock on my door woke me from my slumber and I told whoever to come in. I watched Jasp approach me with caution.

"I'm okay Jasp," I said. "If you baby me, I'm just going to feel worse." "Okay," he said, awkwardly. He still looked at me with sad eyes though. "Dinner is starting to be made, so if you want to avoid the family tonight now is your last chance to get out of it." I smiled at how our relationship had changed in the past few weeks. We were looking out and acting friendly for each other. It finally felt as if we were actual siblings. I thanked him and slipped out the front door of the house. I sigh realizing I had no place to go. I was walking to my car when I heard my name being called. I honestly didn't want anything to do with Topper right now, but he looked at me and apologized.

"I'm sorry if I made your relationship suffer by being around," he said. I could see the torment on his face. "I didn't mean to make y-"

"It's okay," I said. "Thank you for saying that."

He's never apologized before the past few weeks. He's always been so confident and cocky, but now I could see that he was falling apart as badly as I was. Who were we anymore?

"Are you okay Topper?" I asked. I was genuinely worried about his mental well being. After the breakup with Sarah, he lost all sense of identity he had. Now with the news of her death, I couldn't imagine he was okay. I could see the same nervous shaking I had back when I was younger and I didn't want to see him come apart like I often do.

"Savannah..." he said. I knew he regretted not asking me how I was back then. I knew he regretted his behavior in the past. I knew he regretted how he ended things with Sarah. The thing that was hard is that the Pogues would never forgive him, but me... I could. Even if he wronged us, he's now hurting just as badly as the rest of us. "Want to take the boat out and talk?"

"Yeah," I said with a small smile. I couldn't stay at home and I had nowhere else to go. Plus I had a feeling that he could really use the company right now and I needed to take my mind off of JJ. I got into his Jeep and we sped off. I felt the wind in my hair and listened to the radio blare around us. I tried not to be so awkward. Finally we pulled into his driveway and snuck around to the back. We jumped onto the boat and took off.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Topper asked as we left the dock.

"We're just too different," I said. I felt myself begin to choke up and brought my knees up to his chest. "I'll never be what he wants."

We went out and parked the boat. I felt him sit down next to me and look at me. He was analyzing me and trying to pick up on my body language.

"You shouldn't change to be with him," he told me.

"I've always had to change who I was to please others," I said. I thought about how I never could truly be myself. I thought I could do that with JJ, but even then I wasn't enough.

"So who is the real Savannah?" he asked me, a smile appearing on his face. "I don't even know anymore..." I said