In Uncharted Waters

Chapter Nine

Little bit of a shorter episode today! Gonna try to update again, but I don't know if I will finish it tonight!

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Love is heavy and light

I broke down in sobs after he left. I was crying so much that I didn't even hear the knock on my door. I didn't notice Kiara enter and lay down next to me. It wasn't until she hugged me that I noticed she was there. I was drowning here. I felt her arms around me and cried into her chest. Being without JJ was killing me.

The next couple days went by fast and Saturday was upon us. I hadn't been very vocal during the week, but now it was just Topper and I. We sat on the ferry and made jokes about all the things we could do in the city. We could be different people, enjoy our day as strangers. That wasn't the main purpose though. I needed to see my mom and brother. I couldn't avoid reality any longer. I smiled as I leaned my head on his shoulder. I was tired and the ferry was moving so slowly.

"Thank you," I mumbled quickly.

"For what?" he asked.

"Coming with me," I said. "Being my friend."

He ruffled my hair and I smiled. Being with him made me feel better about everything. I was scared though. I was scared that he would leave me if I got back together with JJ. I was scared they would butt heads and I didn't want to ruin either of my relationships. Both boys were so important to me. If they left, I don't know what I would do.

When we got to White Chapel, the first place we went was campus. We visited the dorms and Jasper was happy to see us. He hugged me tightly and told me he was sorry about dad. I didn't blame him though, I never blamed Jasper. He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at Topper and I, but we both shot him down. It was never like that with us.

I left them together for a while and walked to the hotel to see my mom. When I knocked on the door, my mom opened it and hugged me. It was a lot of small talk for a while. Nothing too excited, but I knew she wanted to know how dad was. She wanted to know if I had seen him. She wanted to know if I was doing okay at the Carrera's. Those were the things I didn't want to answer though. I didn't want to see dad. I didn't care how he was. I was fine at the Carrera's but it was hard. I had a hard time seeing the pogues and hanging out with Kie. Then there was JJ. Every moment since he kissed me, I felt as if I was suffocating. I was killing myself without him.

"You still think about him," she said, smiling softly at me.

"What?" I asked as her words interrupted my thoughts. I stared at her as she smiled.

"You still think of JJ," she said. I frowned and looked down. She rubbed my back a little bit. "Can I tell you something I wish someone would've told me when I was your age? When you find someone who consumes your thoughts, don't give up on them." "I don't who I am," I said, making excuses for why I acted the way I was.

"That's trivial," she said. "Savannah, you're constantly changing as a person. You'll never know who you truly are and I've never seen you happier than when you're with JJ."

She was right though. He made me so freaking happy. I buried my head in my hands and thought about him. I thought about how much I loved him and how much I couldn't stand to be without him. Thoughts of him consumed me and filled me with remorse and pain. I just wanted him back in my life. I just needed him. I told my mom that I had to go and she knew. She wished me luck and told me that if I was comfortable, I should check on dad. I knew she needed answers. We said our goodbyes and I made my way back to campus. I told Topper and Jasp that I had to go and Topper told me he'd come with. We walked back to the ferry and got on.

"What's going on?" he asked, trying to get me to say anything.

"Topper?" I asked. He looked at me nervously. "Promise me you won't hate me."

He looked at me knowingly. He smiled and told me that he would try his hardest to get along with JJ. He knew that I was struggling. He knew I needed the both of them. He knew. He threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. He told me we were friends for life now. I cuddled into him and smiled. He knew what he had to say to make me smile.

When we got back, Topper dropped me off at The Wreck. I took a deep breath and walked into the restaurant, scanning the room until my eyes landed on him. He looked up and made eye contact with me. He saw the look on my face and rushed over to me. He asked me if I was okay. He asked me what was wrong. I looked at him and asked to talk outside. He nodded and led the way.

As soon as we were far enough away from the restaurant, I broke down in tears. I told him about what was going on at home. I told him why I was at Kie's and how terrified my family was at home. I told him that I needed him. He didn't waste time. He pulled me into his chest and held me there. I cried into him and clung to him. I whispered how I was sorry and how I didn't want to hurt him. I told him that I needed him. He was always so patient with me. I moved away from him and looked at him.

"There's a catch though," I said. "I need you to be okay with something." "Topper..." he said, rolling his eyes. I sniffled and realized that I might be asking too much. He hated Top. He hated him so much. I began to feel overwhelmed with emotions and couldn't contain my cries. He frowned at me and I think he could sense what he was doing to me. I let our little gasps for air and apologized. I think that broke his heart because he pulled me into his arms and attacked me with kisses. "Stop crying, princess. I'm sorry. I can tolerate him."

"Really?" I asked. I sniffled and looked up at him. He wiped my tears with his thumb and kissed my forehead. He promised that he meant it. I wrapped his arms around him and tried to stop crying. "I love you."

"I love you too, princess."