Enemies

Forgetting

Chuuya attempted to ask Ren how the cafe assignment went, but she seemed to be in a more emotionless mood than she was before. Afraid of pissing her off and receiving the brunt of that, he quickly changed the subject.

"Um... so nice weather today..."

"I appreciate you trying to make small talk, but as you can see, it is currently raining. I assume you are trying to switch up the subject because I seem uncomfortable talking about my trip to the establishment. I'm just tired."

"Tired...?" She didn't seem particularly exhausted, but she looked like she needed a holiday. Desperately. "Would you like to know or not?" She folded her arms and leaned against the wall.

"I'm curious, so tell me." Chuuya prepared for what he was about to hear, picking up his coffee cup from his desk and taking a sip.

"That idiot who spends an ungodly amount of money on bandages fell for Aiko." Chuuya immediately spat out the coffee he was drinking, looking at her in disbelief.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Exactly. Someone else to shake off." She shrugged and began walking out his door, seemingly not bothered.

"What did you tell him?"

"I questioned his sanity." She left, acting as if it were no big deal.

Ren sat down, finishing her paperwork. She had mostly suppressed her memories and little emotional attachment she had relating to the Armed Detective Agency while working, something she commonly did after she finished assignments. She still remembered them, but it would take a longer to do so to avoid thinking about unnecessary topics while she was focused on other tasks. By the time she had finished, she had turned almost completely back to normal, but Ren was having the most difficulty forgetting about Dazai and frowned, regrouping her thoughts and thinking about what she'd have for dinner.

Udon sounds fine. I'll go with that.

She hadn't been given any recent assignments, and she'd go on patrol occasionally or accompany someone like Akutagawa on missions when Higuchi was doing something else. She passed by the Armed Detective Agency without a second thought and went into her apartment.

Changing into something more comfortable, she felt multiple faded scars she had on her abdomen, specifically one on her right. Her memories of it were extremely foggy, but whenever she tried she felt some kind of melancholy gloominess and sharp pain that clouded over her for a split second before she went back to normal. Shrugging, she made dinner using a recipe from the internet and ate it quickly before doing more research. During that time her apartment was silent except for the sound of her fingers tapping on the keyboard. The lights were still on in the city, and she knew that some of her colleagues would be active, and if she had an assignment, she'd be active as well. She took out her weapons and examined them quickly before cleaning and sharpening them. Putting them aside, Ren turned on the news and sat in front of the TV with a cup of coffee until she was tired enough to go to bed.

Ren never felt the need to care about another person, nor did she crave human interaction. Nevertheless, it was undeniably isolating. Even though there were 7 billion people in the world, all with their own unique connections, the world was grey and monochrome, with people passing by as if she didn't exist, whose faces were blurry, moving by quickly, with Ren standing there, the only object with life and colour, but the world didn't need her. One grain of sand in an entire beach, one star in the sky, one speck of dust that wouldn't make a difference in the world, but she was the only person who mattered to herself in her world. It was peaceful, and nothing felt out of place, though there was someone she missed, but she barely knew them. Like a continuous machine. Standing in the lifeless yet bustling city streets, for a split second, she saw a flash of colour, somebody moving. Somebody else who mattered to her. Somebody who added a spark of interest in the repeating cycle of plainness and mundane things. Ren started chasing after it, pushing through the crowds slowly until she found the person she was looking for. She smiled softly, with a sort of child-like glee and she looked up at her, curious yet seemingly happy. A feeling of warmth rushed through her, seeming to paint the landscape around them in rich, vibrant colours which flowed around and had turned what was a blank canvas into a masterpiece. Was this what it was like to care for someone else?

Opening her eyes slowly to the sound of her alarm, Ren pulled herself out of bed slowly, her tangled hair falling in her face. The sky was still fairly dark, and the sun was starting to peek in over the horizon, illuminating the waters of Yokohama as the city began to wake up and be productive.

It wasn't long before Ren started heading out. She only got Sundays off, but she still tried to relax a little bit. She changed into something casual before walking down to some of the shops. She bought some tea before going out to Minato Mirai. Walking up a flight of stairs, she stepped out onto the port, leaning against the railing and sipping her drink. There was a cool breeze that ruffled her hair softly as she gazed out onto the sea, the waves rippling gently as they lapped against the shore, carrying the fresh ocean air around Yokohama. It had been a while since Ren had actually sat down and watched the serenity of the city she currently lived in. The underworld and the city were like night and day, polar opposites of each other. One was a corrupted, dark, scheming, survival of the fittest world she had managed to thrive in. The other a significantly more balanced world filled with innocence, beautiful sights and people who cared for each other. Ren hadn't seen anyone from the underworld do something without expecting something else in return, or with ulterior motives, nor had she seen normal people manipulate others for their own personal gain or wield a gun without flinching. Where she was, mostly everyone seemed kind enough, and maintained their sort of childhood naïveté even into adulthood.

If I thought like that, I'd probably have been killed a long time ago... Sometimes ruthlessness isn't just some purely evil thing. It's a survival strategy.

- - -

Just how much caffeine does Ren consume? A lot. 

Minato Mirai is an actual place in Yokohama, and it's really pretty, especially at night. If you're interested then google it. The first time I saw it was in Given and I was interested because it's in Yokohama. Yokohama also has a specific dialect which I guess everyone in bsd speaks? There are so many dialects it's confusing.

Also Ren's backstory is kinda convoluted. It can be explained simply, but the specifics are specific. There are a few characters who die but they're not really mentioned in the actual story, well, kinda, but that would be spoilers.