left behind ~ klaine

I Am Not In Denial

I know I'm gay. I know I have a crush, but I'm not using the l word just yet. We seemed good for each other. We had fun together, we both liked guys, we've been best friends for about 2 years now. It's just that he's so pretty -- what if telling him ruined it? The bell rang as I shook myself back into reality.

Everybody sat down where they usually sat, except the seat next to me was empty. Where is Kurt? I looked around the room. Satana with Brittany, Mercedes with -- with Kurt. Not gonna lie, that hurt. It's a one-day thing, I thought, turning towards Mr. Schue and the whiteboard again.

"Hey, gang. How are we doing this week?" Mr. Schue asked. The club mumbled a response, and Mr. Schue continued with his lesson. "This week's theme iiiiis..." he paused to write the word on the board, "... Love!" Shit. "Each of you will need a partner this week to perform a love duet." I looked up at Kurt, expecting him to want to do one with me as a joke. He was giggling with Mercedes. "Whoever performs the best duet will get to sing it at sectionals," he paused again to pull up a chair and swung a leg over it, straddling the backward chair, "and there's gonna be a special guest judge! Everyone find your partners and you'll have the whole week to figure out what song to sing," he finished.

After Glee Club, I approached Kurt. Maybe they were laughing at Mr. Schue's outfit.

"Hey, Kurt. Did you wanna do the assignment together? It'd be funny to be the only 2 gay guys in the club and to do a duet-"

"Sorry, Blaine. I'm doing it with Mercedes," he interrupted. "See you around," he said as Mercedes took his arm, and then they both walked away. Who do I have left? The only person I saw alone was... oh no. Sam. I took a deep breath and walked over to him.

"Hey, Sam. How's it going?"

"Do you wanna do the duet?" he asked. I was a little surprised he asked me but I was relieved I didn't have to ask. "Yeah, totally friendly though," I answered, smiling nervously. I didn't mean to be such a clutz but Sam was hot. Like seriously hot. "Great," he replied, grabbing his bag, "see you tomorrow night, text me your address." I nodded and he walked off, shooting me finger guns as he left. I laughed, shaking my head. Idiot.

That night, when I got home, I threw my bag on the floor of the room and flopped onto my bed, kinda tired from the day. I texted Kurt to see what his plans were.
[me]: Did you want to hang out or something soon?
[kurt <3]: Not really, sorry I've been busy and I'm really tired
[me]: That's ok. When can I talk to you then?
[kurt <3]: Right now? At school?
[me]: I meant in person. And not at school. You know, we're best friends.
[kurt <3]: I don't know.
[me]: Alright. But can we please talk about why you aren't talking to me much lately? Were you having a bad day?
Read: 4:46 PM

He left me on read. Seriously? I don't know why he's mad at me. I watched videos on my phone until I fell asleep that night.

The next morning, I texted Kurt again.
[me]: Good morning, sunshine!
[kurt]: Hi
[me]: You wanna walk to school together? I noticed you've been kinda distant lately. I'll leave you alone if you want.
[kurt]: I'll walk with you.

I threw on a different shirt because I knew Kurt hated the other one and put on my shoes. I was so excited that I almost forgot my backpack as I was heading out the door. I arrived at Kurt's house and knocked on the door, assuming he was ready. I waited for about 5 minutes before he came to the door. "Hey," I said. He nodded, beginning to walk next to me. "Are you pissed at me?" I asked, trying to match his pace. "No," he simply replied, not even looking at me. "Then why aren't you talking to me?" I asked, frustrated this time. He stopped walking and sat down on the curb, motioning for me to sit next to him. As I sat down, I began to feel stupid for getting worked up over this. "I'm sorry I'm pestering you about this. It's just that it's been bothering me all day," I mumbled. He nodded and said, "I know. I can't tell you why but all I can say is that I've been thinking a lot about us, you know? And I realized something. I tried to ignore it, but I can't when I'm around you. I just— needed to get that off my chest." Am I annoying him? Why did he pretend to like me for so long?

"You could've told me I annoyed you," I huffed, raising my voice a bit. "No, oh no. You don't annoy me. Not at all. I meant that in a... a different way," he  said, blushing a bit. "I don't know what you mean, but you don't need to be embarrassed about it," I said in an attempt to comfort him. I touched his arm but he flinched, so I pulled back. "You are oblivious, Anderson," he said quietly. "Come on, let's get going before we're late."

   —— Time Skip Thanks to Blaine's Hair Gel ——

"Shouldn't we work on our song?" I suggested, sitting on the floor of my room while Sam was obsessing over my telescope. "Look at it! Bro, you can see, like, space from here!" he enthused. I laughed at his passionate remarks, feeling my cheeks begin to burn. "Ok, song time. What about It Takes Two?" I suggested. "Uh, I was thinking Don't Go Breaking My Heart," he answered, still looking at my telescope, "but, you know, I'll do whatever." I stood up, putting a cap over the lens of the telescope. "No, that sounds great, let's practice," I said, beginning to break apart the song in my head and putting together harmonies to distract me from Sam's tank top.

             —— Time Skip By Burt Hummel——

When duet day arrived, I was super excited to see what Kurt and Mercedes had done, assuming Kurt would've picked a slower song. When Kurt and Mercedes were called up, I couldn't recognize the beat at first. Mercedes started the song.

"There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go 'head and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark"

They made Rolling In The Deep into a duet? They won for sure. It was our turn to go. We decided to change the song last night. I began with the first verse.

"We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standin' there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say, "Hello"
Little did I know"

The club applauded us after we sang and we sat down. I couldn't help but notice Kurt staring at me, and if my eyes were seeing right, his face was a bit red. Maybe he liked me? Is that why he called me oblivious earlier? Or maybe I'm fantasizing about something that won't happen.

Sugar walked into the room unannounced, all smiles, holding what seemed to be invitations. "My daddy is letting me throw a party! And you're all invited! It's gonna be fun, there'll be alcohol," she announced, handing out invitations to everyone. I looked at Kurt, who was looking back at me. I shot a smile at him and he looked away from me quickly as if he was embarrassed. I had to get him to that party with me so I could confess to him.