I'm still hurting - Sally Face (agere)

-7-

- Astrid's POV -
(possible tw, slight ed mention)

As soon as I get back to the apartment of course Sal is sitting there on the couch.

"What are you doing here," I say annoyed, why won't he go away?

"I needed to make sure you were okay."

"look I'm fine okay" I roll my eyes. "I don't need you to check up on me". I walk away and shut the bathroom door behind me.

-
Todd and Sal have been in his room for a while. I want my cigarettes but I don't want to just walk in there. I face away from the door and slowly slide down the wall. I'm tired.

-Sals POV-
She locked herself in the bathroom for hours. She really dislikes me that much?

Todd seems to think I'm catching feelings for her, she's only been here a week or so and I don't even know her yet. She makes sure we are never alone together.

I can't think about this anymore, it's just making me self-conscious, I get up and go towards the door.

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air" I look at Todd and Neil laying side by side on his bed. Neil smiles while Todd just snores.

"Okay sally buddy, take it easy" Neil nods. I open the door and a small body falls at my feet. Ace was sleeping on the living room floor? why didn't she just come in? I pick her up, she isn't waking. Her lips are slightly parted and her breathing is heavy, she's out cold. I begin to walk her toward the bed but then I get a better idea. I will let Todd and Neil nap and just take her to lay in my bed, it'll probably be more comfortable there anyway, with fewer people.
I grab the little blanket and cow she typically sleeps with and begin the commute to my room. I wrap the blanket around her shoulders and put the cow in her arms. She really is very cute when she isn't awake and when she's not being rude.

I begin to get her settled in. I place her under the covers and put her blanket on top, maybe it'll comfort her when she wakes up in a different room, I don't want to scare her. I put her cow in her arms and turn on the radio, I play music quietly and shut off the lights, leaving to go to the living room. I don't want to be in her space.

-Astrid's POV-

I stir awake slowly, I haven't woken up in years and have not felt tired after, I slept well. I keep my eyes closed and flip to the other side of the bed, keeping Noodle in my arms, my pillow smells very different. It smells like October, cold, stiff air and embers from fireplaces seeking warmth, it smells safe. 

My brain stops for a second 

I jump out of bed quickly and look around. This is not Todd's room, it's larger and has guitars and posters mounted on the walls, I grab a picture off the nightstand and I see the culprit, It's Sal with his arms wrapped around a tall girl with dark hair. She looks so happy.

Fire, range, warmth

That's how I felt right now, I hate that I feel this way about him and I hate that I feel this way about them. I hate that he won't leave me alone, I hate being here. I leave the room stomping my feet and enter the kitchen, Sal is there making eggs on the stovetop.

"Good morning sleepy head, you slept through the day and the night" he takes a moment to turn around and begins chuckling. "want me to set a place at the table for him too?" I follow his head with my eyes and look down to see Noodle still in my arms. I pretend not to get embarrassed but I can feel my face getting hotter. 

"Why am I here?" I yell, practically seething

"Neil slept over and Instead of kicking them out of the bed I just brought you here, I thought you would be more comfortable with fewer people around, you basically sleep with one eye open all the time, It's not healthy" He makes sense. I hate that. I hate what I did next even more.

"I'm sorry" I sit down on the floor next to Gizmo, I feel bad, why did I yell at him? Why do I ruin things on purpose? Why do I hurt good people? This is why I stay away from everyone. I infect everything.

"Helloo??" Sal waves in front of my face. I jump up and give him a confused face. "I have been talking for like five minutes, go sit the eggs are almost ready okay?" I comply. A minute or two later he sets a plate down in front of me, It has a fried egg and white rice, and 1 piece of toasted bread. How did he know?

"Why did you make me this?" I ask, that's what my aunt used to make me when I stayed with her on weekends when I was little.

"you talked about it in your sleep" he grinned slightly "As soon as I left the room, I heard you say something, I opened back up the door and you mumbled something about the food I made and said that you wanted to eat again". That's so embarrassing, he probably thinks I'm such a pig. I shift in my seat, I feel uncomfortable. I look up and watch him eat, he struggles with the chopsticks. 

"Why did you grab them if you don't know how to use them?" I ask and smile a little bit. Now he looks embarrassed, he's fumbling with his hands. Did I make him anxious? I walk to the other side of the table and grab the chopsticks and his hands. I position them differently and help him open and close them. He laughs quietly and pushes the food up through the bottom of his mask.

"You can take it off right?" I ask 

" Yeah I can but I never do unless I'm alone." he continues eating, unaffected

"Okay that's cool, I was thinking about how uncomfortable that must be for you to wear all the time" Empathy? what's next mission trips and charity donations??