Eating Disorder. [NH AU] III

» 08.

 my heart pounds hard against my chest and i feel like everything is almost spiralling out of control. eventually i regain my self control and dive across the floor to grab my phone before she hangs up. i press the green button and pause, waiting for her beautiful voice to sing it's melody into my ear. i've longed for it for six days.

seconds quickly turn to minutes and i feel my happiness slowly dissolve as nobody speaks. however, in a way i wish nobody did speak. then i wouldn't hear the next few words.

"right, listen here kid. i don't know who the fuck you are but you're clearly bugging my daughter. i want you to piss off and leave her alone, alright?! nh, whoever you are, she needs to focus on nothing but her studies. no bloody distractions, especially not boys; do you understand?! if i find you annoying my little girl again, i won't hesitate to find you and kill you!!!" the dean's voice boomed into my eardrum which caused me to go i to a state of shock. after i snap out of it the only option my reflex makes me do is to hang up.

once again my heart is pounding ever so hard. it's okay, it's okay. he doesn't know it's me. he only knows my initials. don't worry. don't panic. stay calm. everything is gonna be okay. be strong.

it was so much easier said then done. i find myself seconds later rushing to the toilet, making it just in times to vomit.

i don't understand how i can even vomit when i have no food inside me though?

i'm vomiting myself away.

+++

i wrap my arms around my legs and rock back and forth in the middle of my bed in the middle of the night. my 'ward-mates' are snoring away with no worries at all, there's nothing keeping them up, no threats lingering their minds. i stare at the phone that's in my hands and i sigh out loud.

am i really annoying evelyn?

i only texted her once, i can't see how that even results to me being annoying? i hope i'm not. i wouldn't be able to live with myself. i'm not entirely negative, i can be a really nice person. much nicer then liam was to me.

i wonder what schizophrenia even means. when he told me he had it, i nodded along because i didn't want him to think i was stupid. well he thinks i'm useless anyway. skin and bones too.

the best compliment, though.

i don't want the dean to find out it's me who is 'bugging' his daughter. i don't want him to find me and kill me either. however, i really don't have much to live for anyway. my mum's afraid of me and my brother and father must be irritated because of the ways that i've turned out. not masculine like them. i'm just me, not perfect.

i'm sorry.

i was getting ready to try to lie down and attempt to get some sleep, however my phone suddenly lights up the whole ward. even despite it's brightness setting being quite low.

it was a text from an unknown number. i can remember when this happened before. back when evelyn first texted me. i have to take my chances, and the risk.

unknown; "hey ni. how u holding up bro?"

unknown; "oh shit. it's luke btw;)"

oh.

oh well, at least i know somebody cares about me now. better then no-one at all. wait, how did he even get my number?!

nh; "hi luke, yh im doing ok yh"

nh; "how are you"