Officially Not His Property

Chapter 7: Her Feelings

Chapter 7: Her Feelings

"Fvck that sht, hindi yon okay Kien!" sigaw ni Reed.

"Alam ko naman kasing hanggang mag bestfriend lang kami Reed." tumawa pa ko kahit na umiiyak.

"Kein."

"Na kahit kailan hindi niya ko mamahalin. Na kahit kailan di niya ko makikita bilang babaeng mahal niya." nilaklak ko ang bote ng beer na hawak ko hanggang sa naubos.

"Akin na." kinuha ni ate Ahhleah yung bote sa kamay ko.

"I wish I could explain how wonderful he is. How I could look into his eyes and never get tired of their beauty. His black deep eyes. How the sound of his voice gives me shivers down my spine. My wide smile when he entered the room. How much he mean to me. And how much I love him." umiiyak na sabi ko at uminom ulit ng alak.

"Tama na, wag mo nang pahirapan yung sarili mo." napatingin ako sa paparating.

"Kuya Nikko."

"Trial and error Kien. Trial dahil nagmahal ka, error dahil mali yung minahal mo. Nagmahal ka ng isang taong may mahal nang iba. Nagmahal ka ng taong hinding hindi ka mamahalin. Kailangan mo ng formula para mahanap ang totoong para sayo." advice ni kuya Nikko. I don't know bakit andito siya pero thankful ako sa advice niya.

"Pero ang sakit pa rin kasi kahit na gaano akong nasasaktan, minamahal ko pa rin siya. Kahit na gaano ko kaayaw na mahalin siya tumitibok pa rin ang puso ko para sa kanya."

"I think you need to confess your feelings. Hindi pa naman sila diba?" tumango ako. "Then aminin mo na, para wala ka nang dinadalang mabigat sa iyong dibdib." sabi ni Aza.

"Natatakot ako sa magiging reaction niya. Hindi ako handa."

"Kahit kailan hindi mo kailangang maging handa. Dadating at dadating pa rin yung oras na kailangan mong sabihin sa kanya yan." sabi ni Chandra at uminom ng alak. Uminom na din ako.

"Tama ka, siguro kakausapin ko na lamang siya." sabi ko at lumaklak uli. I don't mind kung maubos ko lahat ng beer na binili.

Sandali lang ang namagitan ng katahimikan ng nagsimula na namang tumulo yung luha ko. Hindi ko mapigilan tangina. Damn.

"I fucking miss him. I miss my bestfriend, I miss my buddy. All bout him, I miss him. I miss his smile, I miss his laugh, I miss his kahambugan whenever he says that his pogi. Damn. I already miss him." tears fall from my eyes.

"Sshhh Kien."

"I miss his corny jokes, I miss his banat, I miss his hugs and kisses in my forehead. I fucking hate this. I suppose to move on! I suppose to let go my feelings but here I am, missing him, crying for him and wishing that he's here, hugging, wiping my tears and telling me to stop crying." ate Ahhleah hugged me. Niyakap na din ako ni Reed hanggang sa lahat na sila yung yumakap sakin.

"It's okay to cry, makakatulong yan sayo para mabawasan yung sakit na nararamdaman mo." sabi ni Aeia.

"But I'm tired, can I sleep for a lifetime?" I'm tired. I really am.

"No, don't say that, please, fighting Kien, please." I wiped her tears. Please Reed, don't cry.

"I know it's hard having that kind of situation that sometimes you just feel the pain and sadness without actually knowing. It's okay, it's okay not to be okay. Take a deep breath and have a break. Let it be and let it go for your own good. Keep praying, you'll overcome everything. Just have trust in God and in yourself." niyakap ko si Shin dahil sa kanyang sinabi. I appreciate it.

I am thankful that I have a sister, cousins and friends like this. Na pwede kong maging sandalan. Na pwede kong pagsabihan without judging. Na bibigyan ako ng advice and comfort me.