I am dedicating this chapter to ET_phone_home. You are an absolute amazing person.! You have my permission to marry any story you want lol. Thanks love :). Ill keep dedicating to you lovely people.
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Some said you wanted the breakdown chapter so here it is. I hope you like it. Enjoy!
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(ZAYN'S POV)
When i heard the knock on my hotel door i figured it would be room service but when i seen Niall standing there i was more then confused. I looked him over once my eyes widened at his state. He was crying his face whiter then usual he looked broken. I wanted to say something but i couldn't my words got stuck in my throat. I moved forward a little only to be knocked to the ground. He jumped on me knocking us both down. He was lying on top of me arms wrapped around my body crying into my shirt. I didn't know what to do or how to respond.
“I can’t do this Zayn I miss her too much. I need her to save me because no one else can.” I stopped breathing this was it. He was going to brake down and i knew it. I just wasn't sure if i could help. I'm not that kind of person to tell him to go away yet this whole time he has been here its all i have done. I let out a breathe wrapping my arms around him. I pushed us up in sitting position kicking the door closed with my foot. I didn't say anything i waited for him to continue.
"She is suppose to be here.! She suppose to be the one telling me everything is going to be okay. She suppose to bring me hot milk and cookies telling me that it will help. She suppose to be hugging me until I'm done until i feel better.She suppose to wrap a blanket around me wiping away my tears. She suppose to tell me everything will be okay when i wake up everything will change. She suppose to fix everything i cant. But she not here to do any of that." I watched him holding back the tears. The next look in his eyes i understood completely i was waiting for it. I prayed for it i deserved it. He looked at me with rage. Fresh tears streaming from his eyes. "YOU FUCKING ARSE.!" He started to hit me in the chest again and again. I didn't stop him.
"This is all your fault zayn! Your the reason she is gone.! You should have saved her.! You should have listened to me.! If you would have she would be here.! She could be doing what she always did.! I could have gotten myself out you prick.! I could have crawled away i would have tried.! You should have saved them. You killed them zayn. Your the reason they are dead.! The reason I'm dead.! You should have listened! Your the reason i cry every night the reason the light is out in my eyes.! I feel nothing! I hate who i am and it all because of you. It should have been me zayn! I should have died.! I should be have stopped breathing along time ago.! I HATE YOU.! I HATE THAT YOU SAVED ME INSTEAD OF THEM.! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.! I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME HATE HER.! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you zayn I.."I pulled his hands away from my now bruised chest. I pulled him into me crying along with him. He could barely breath it was all strangles sobs and i couldn't see him like this again. I had to look away I had to make this better.
"Niall I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry baby." I whispered into his ear over and over again. Once he calmed down he spoke again in a whispered voice
"I hate her zayn. I hate her for leaving me all alone. She promised she would always be here and now that i need her the most she is gone. She is all i ever had zayn you don't understand what it was like for me and now that she not here to make it all go away i have nothing. There is no reason to live. She was my mom my best friend the one person in this world i knew i could trust the one person i knew loved me. At her funeral i didn't cry. I hated her so much i didn't even say goodbye. She dead and she not coming back zayn and i didn't even say goodbye. I'm done zayn. I'm done hating her, I'm done hating you, I'm done with it all. I just want to be okay again. But the only person able to fix me is gone so how does that work? How do i get better? How am i going to be saved from the lowest place i ever been?"I know he didn't want me to answer him but he needs to know hes not alone.
