The Boy Movie Brahms Heelshire x reader FanFic

Never be Mine - Part 60

Am I yours? Are you mine?
We'll find all we're meant to find.
In your life, in my life,
There are secrets too dark
To let out, to let go of,
To get over.
Kate Bush - Be Kind to my Mistakes

"Where is it?"

You're stare down at the kitchen table; the last place you both saw the dark stone cut from Joel's body.    Brahms is leaning against a kitchen unit, arms crossed, gazing at you intensely.  His voice when he answers seems to come from very far away.  "You're looking at it."

You lean closer.   A smudge of grey powder stains the waxed pine.    Tentatively, you reach out and touch a finger to it.  

"Dust to dust," Brahms says.

Impulsively, you step to the sink, wet a rag then scrub the detritus of that diabolical stone clean off the wood.   When you rinse the dish rag, the white porcelain sink is stained inky black.   Again and again you wash until the cloth is clean and the water runs clear.    You can't stand this anymore.    Haven't the two of you been through enough?   You long for normality, for the soothing clamour of people, trips to the mall, your family's laughter, children's voices.   You marvel at how you've forgotten what your life was like before Brahms; before you came here to escape Joel.   You wonder too, what might have happened had your path never crossed this man imprisoned behind the walls of his parents house.   A man so unpredictably complex part of you still fears him.   And yet...it's you who's unlocked who he really is.   For his part, Brahms understood you from the start.  He's protected you, saved your life, been the brick wall no other man has ever been.   But is it enough?

You feel his arms steal around you from behind; warm, strong.  You close your eyes against what your heart tells you and your logic demands.  He's nuzzling your neck and you incline your face to meet his.   But you can't shake the melancholy.   Can the both of you really stay here forever, cloistered, isolated, living only for each other?   You know that one day that might not be enough, at least for you.   Then you feel a surge of guilt and wonder why you're even thinking these thoughts.   Brahms gently turns  you around until you're facing him.   The oakmoss eyes see what you're trying so hard to hide.

"You want to leave."   It isn't a question, just a gentle statement of fact.  You search his face, but there's no menace or threat staring back at you.   Brahms is calm, resigned,  as though he's been expecting this.  Miserably, you nod.

"Too much has happened here.  Too much death.  I just need a change of scene."

He pulls you to him and you both cling to each other.   "Don't cry, Y/N.  I understand."  His gentleness makes you sob even harder.  It would be easier if he shouted and raved, begged you to stay.  

"I miss my family, Brahms."

"I know."

You pull away and let him wipe your tears.    "Come with me, Brahms."  

He hangs his head like a little boy.   The sun shining through the windows ignites his scars.  They glisten pale and twisted, half hidden beneath that dark nest of curls.  

"Why not?" you insist.   "We don't have to live in the States all the time.   We can travel back and forth..." 

When he looks up, there's a pain in his eyes you've never seen before.   "You once said to me...'it's your  time to fly, Brahms.'   But the truth is...I've never had any wings.    And I never will.   But you do.  So, now it's your time... and I love you too much to deny you that freedom."

"You would never have said this a year ago."

"I was a different person a year ago.  Angry.  Frustrated.  Vengeful.  Damaged.  So many bad things."