dukeceit oneshots (abandoned)

Oh My God, They Were Roommates (Part One)

Thank you so much to TheEdgierHotTopic for linking your Pinterest thingy and allowing me to find the title prompt :") 💗

AU: Human, college :)

Trigger Warnings: Saying GoD/hEll, Remus mentions drugs/sex, swearing, food mentions, Remus talks about being poisoned, the word death is used, and mentions of getting drunk

I love you all 💌 Stay safe!

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The trash man grinned as he finally managed to escape that utterly boring conversation his older brother Roman had forced in the car, talking about moving in with his emo boyfriend, Virgin or something? Remus had never really bothered with him. Today was his first day at college, and he'd be finding out who his roommate was. Remus was so excited to find out who he'd be spending his dorm with - he hoped it would be someone a little wild. Remus whistled jauntily as he headed to go get his stuff sorted & hopefully be first to the room.

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Janus was swinging the keys to his dorm as he walked the hallway, wondering what his new roomie would be like. He'd had to put up with his insufferable family for a while, so he was glad to have a change. He hoped it was someone collected. Maybe even someone who liked to read?! He grinned as he imagined the possibilities, taking a step towards the door -

& it was promptly slammed open by none other than fucking Remus Prince. They stared at each other for a while before Janus spoke, rubbing a hand through his hair. "Oh. My. God."
"Janus, right?! From middle school?" Remus' eyes had an interested spark to them. Janus groaned, lips pressed tightly together. "I'm afraid so."
"You were fun!"
"By fun, you mean they only one willing to split my sandwiches with you? Anyways, I distinctly remember you used to throw pencils at me."

Remus frowned and then shrugged. "Oops. Aren't you going to come in?"

Janus made his way past Remus, muttering, making sure to shove him in the process. Remus laughed. "Woah there, Hissy Fit."
Janus arched an eyebrow as he took in the new room. "Hissy Fit?"
"Yeah, your scar kind looks like scales. I always thought it was cool!"
Janus blushed a little, looking away. "Thanks..."

"Awee, my new roomie is flustered! Anyways, I'm so excited. We're gonna have a great time!" Remus bounced a little on his bed.
Janus rolled his eyes. "Excited sure is one word for it."
"You're just a bundle of joy, aren't you?"
"And you're a literal psycho. Jeez, why did I have to be stuck here..."
Remus chuckled. "That's too bad. God put me here and I'm going to make it his problem."

Janus smoothed down the sheet of his bed as he sat, looking at Remus. "Interesting. You're religious?"
Remus scrunched up his nose. "No. That's Roman's kinda thing. He's such a goodie two shoes."
Janus smirked. "I remember Roman. How's he doing?"
Remus shrugged as he picked at a scab on his arm. "Don't get too excited, Snabe,"
"You really think you're clever with the nicknames, huh?"
"He's moving in with his weirdo boyfriend Virgil."
"Virgil? Oh my God." Janus started laughing. Remus laid back and grinned. "You know him?"
"Yeah," Janus tried to focus on stopping his laughter. "That's so weird. He was my neighbour for a while. We used to paint our nails together. God, I was such an emo."

Remus laughed and sprawled out on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. Janus wandered over to have a look at the kitchen area, fiddling with all the knobs on the stove.

"Jan?"
"Don't call me that."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm looking at the kitchen appliances, Remus. IE, figuring out how we avoid starving to death." He spoke drily.
Remus cackled. "Starving to death would be fun. But I think that being poisoned would be cooler!"
"So, which nights are you cooking? I need to-"
"Oh, I don't know how to use that!" Remus flopped over on his bed.

"I hope you're joking." Janus walked back to Remus with a glare. Janus growled when he got no response.
"Great. I'll be like some stupid house wife. Cooking meals every night. Unbelievable."

"It's okay. I won't be here every night. Most nights, really."
Janus folded his arms. "What the hell do you mean?"
Remus twirled his moustache. "I'll be out partying. Drugs, sex, all that shit."
Janus sighed for what felt like the thousandth time. "Look, if you bring a girl back-"

Remus cackled. "You think I'M straight? Me?"
Janus' face heated up. "Oh. Right... uh..."

Remus ignored it and perked up a bit.
"So what do you like to do for fun, Scales?"
Janus began unpacking his suitcase and pulling out his books, running a finger over the spines. "Read."
Remus barked a laugh as he stared at Janus. "You're even more of a loser than I thought." Janus ignored him and took out his clothes, mostly beanies and flannels. They looked sad & limp compared to Remus' massive, showy outfits.

"Have you ever had a friend your age?"
God, Remus was just full of questions, wasn't he?
Janus huffed. "Yes. Logan-"
"Great. We should invite him round the dorm! Does he go here?"
Janus gazed at Remus moodily. "He moved to England to study medicine."

"So you've never really been to a proper party?"
"I suppose not."
"Oh my God, Jan!" Remus jumped up from his bed and grabbed the latter's arm. Janus blushed darkly and tried to wriggle out of his grip. "I'm gonna take you to your first party, and it's going to be fucking mental."
Janus panicked, shaking his head. "Remus, no, what are you-"
There was a bright spark in Remus' eyes. "We're gonna have a wild time. You're gonna get piss drunk." Janus tried a firmer approach. "Remus, stop it. Don't-"
But there was no stopping Remus by now.

"FINE! Fucking fine. Will you let go of my arm now?"
Remus dropped his arm and muttered an apology before going back to ranting.

...Oops?

I mean, it couldn't be that bad, Janus considered. He had shut up. He did let go of his arm.

Plus, it was kinda hard to say no to a face as handsome as his.