Paradise Bound

Chapter 18

Bailey POV

The last thing I remember was cutting my wrists. The past 2 months I've been really struggling and I know I have been a horrible person, I just feel like everyone is dying or getting sick because of me. My mum died giving birth to me, it was my fault, Josh died in front of me and I could of stopped the horse from jumping and now my grandads cancer.

Deep down I know none of it is my fault and that it's life's way. I do believe the second you create a life it is destined to die, it's inevitable but I just feel like if I wasn't created my mum would still be alive, Josh wouldn't have been riding a horse with me and as for my grandad, unfortunately that one is out of my control because I can't cause cancer.

Right after I cut my wrists I regretted it because I want to live, I want to marry Zeke and have a family with him, why have I been so stupid? I tried to stand up to get help but it was to late and everything went black.

I can hear bleeping sound and muffling noises. I slowly open my eyes and have to blink a couple of times because the light hurts. I open my eyes and see Zeke red and puffy eyes sitting in the chair next to my bed holding my hand, Blade is sat on the sofa with his head between his legs and Ella is rubbing his back and my dad is looking out the window.

I slowly squeeze Zeke hand and his head shoot up and he sees I'm awake. He smiles slightly but it doesn't reach his eyes and I don't blame him or anyone for that matter, I've been an awful girlfriend, daughter and sister. These past 2 months I've been treating them all like hell, shouting at them when they have done nothing wrong and refusing to eat or take my tablets.

Maybe my dad is right to treat me like a child, I've clearly been acting like one. I have got so much damage control to make up for and it starts now.

Zeke – Good to see your awake.

I see Blade head shoot up and he jumps up and runs over to me and hugs me and I see my dad turn toward me but his face says he is angry and he has every right to be.

Bailey - I'm sorry (looking down).

Blade – We are just glad your alive.

Bailey - I've been incredibly stupid! As soon as I did it I realised my mistake, I regret what I did and I'm terrible sorry for how I've been treating you all these past 2 months. I've been thinking of myself and not how grandads illness is affect you guys as well. Instead of supporting each other I decided to go into myself and suffer alone. I'm so sorry.

I see my dad wipe tears away from his eyes and comes over and hugs me tightly and kisses my head.

Tucker – I was so angry but me shouting at you won't help, just please let us help you.

Bailey – I promise I will start taking my antidepressants that Jace prescribed and I will see a counsellor.

Zeke - Maybe talk to Jace about the antidepressant he said he has some news he wants to talk to you about when you wake up but counselling I recommend going.

Bailey - I'm sorry Zeke. I'm sorry for shouting at you and being a bad girlfriend and treating you badly.

Zeke – I was so angry with you like your dad was but I can relate to some degree about feeling depressed but that doesn't make it okay! You need to talk to us and not shut us out.