Teaching Elementary, My Dear Watson

50 - Choices

50

Choices

Monday, May 29

What Kevin wanted was to have Angela come back, so he could see her and touch her and make love again right now, but he knew that was impossible. Kevin knew the letter she left him would be an emotional challenge. He wanted to read it right away, but figured that he might not accomplish anything else all day if that was what he did first. So despite feeling more than just anxious, he delayed, graded papers, prepped lessons, made some notes for tomorrow's softball championship game, and got in a long run. As he exercised, he noted there were few clouds, either above or within himself.

Of course, he thought about Angela all day. He saw her smile, felt her touch, inhaled her scent, heard her sing, and thought about their sex. Making love with her is so much more than just physical pleasure. I could feel how much she wanted to please me, and I know she felt the same from me. To watch her reach ecstasy added so much to my own. To listen to her cry out and see how much I satisfied her, and vice versa. To be so in love with such a woman is a gift. I didn't think I would ever feel like this again. It's even better than with Monica.

We have so much in common. Best friends and lovers. It was as if the whole year of working together was foreplay, as we got to know, respect, and care for each other. Angela's soul and heart shine through. She is breathtaking, in bed and out. She looks good in a formal dress, shorts and t-shirt, or in nothing at all. Stunning. But it's so much more than physical attraction, and in my eyes, she is now the most beautiful female on the planet. What a woman. Okay, maybe I'm biased, but that's a good problem! Kevin smiled at himself.

Before dinner, he'd finished all he needed to do for tomorrow and had taken a shower. Then he ate some Mexican food and opened a second beer after he finished the meal. It was time. He grabbed the envelope she had placed under his pillow and opened it. He took a deep breath and began reading.

*****

Dearest Kevin,

This weekend began as the worst I'd ever had, but you made it the best of my life. As I write this, I smile while thinking of you, how much you give to the children, the support you show for your colleagues, the joy you bring to your college and music brothers and sisters, and most of all, how you have enriched my being. Thank you, my forever friend, and know how much I love you.

We both understand that the next few weeks will be hard. I have choices and decisions ahead, and so do you. But for now, I know I must avoid you at work. If I touch you, or even talk to you more than just in passing, I know I will burst. Please help me keep my resolve. Know that I'll want to feel you and be with you, but that I must handle both past and future concerns, and this is a private challenge for us with our love, not something for the whole school and world to know yet. I wish I were free, but it's time for reality. We owe our students the best we can give them. My choir and dancers have their last performance next week and need my help. I owe clarity to both you and myself. I feel your love and support, but I can't tell Carl about us until after I talk with a priest and my family. You know I am a devout Catholic and how important my faith is. I will pray for guidance.

I wish you the best of luck in the softball championship tomorrow. I'll be watching as your number-one fan. Know that I will want to hug you and give you words of support, but will not do so because I couldn't help but show all that I feel for you. At the staff meeting, if we pass each other in the hall, or see one another in the parking lot, I will neither sit near you nor do more than just say hi, because otherwise I know I could not stop. I feel like I'm a teenager, overflowing with love, and unsure in some ways because the feelings are so intense. But I'm sure you understand, so please help me do what's right. Our new love almost overwhelms me, but I honor what I feel and all that you and I share.