Lethal Ways Not To Kill Yourself

Mistake 2: Kal

Okay, at least I'll die in peace that I fulfilled one dream of mine. That was I won't be haunting Junior's after I die.

Alright, where were we? Doesn't matter, it's time for me to unleash my master plan. At least that'll be the only plan in my life that has been ever fulfilled.

So I had to walk for another fifteen minutes before my chapter would be over. In an hour, I wouldn't be there. I had deleted all my social media accounts beforehand and burnt all the evidence that'll lead to blaming someone for the decisions I have made. For once in my life, I have made a correct decision, and you'll let someone else take the credit?

That ain't happening.

I was a bit sad that I won't be able to drink my favourite coffee for the last time, or that my last eatable would be some stranger's beverage, but that's not how life works. Throw some glitter and choke me in confetti. Okay, I make no sense, I need to focus for the last time.

I took a sip of the coffee and it tasted nothing like coffee. I spat it out and to my displeasure drew lukewarm attention of passersby towards me. I took another sip, this time smacking my lips. I swear on my life that this wasn't coffee. I didn't know Junior's sold anything but coffee.

I checked the container to read the last two names I wanted to read. Tea and Elikai.

I don't enjoy tea, mostly because my Aunt did and she makes me happy. Tea makes me happy. I didn't want to be happy if I wanted to die. It's like asking a soldier not to wear camouflage to the war. Except, he'll die and that's exactly what I wanted.

Elikai, on the other hand, I would have been delighted to talk to him for the last time. Alas, Elikai not greeting me or not even leaving a text just cements my belief that no one would actually care if I die.

It didn't start in a day, this plan to activate the self-destruction mode. Rome was neither built in a day not destroyed.

It first starts with forgetting that people love you and your absence would matter. Yes, you do measure the estimated height of a tower to jump off and be declared dead-on-arrival, or look at the knife and wonder how would it feel to let the edges of the blade kiss your skin and make you bleed with colours of love and hate at the same time. If you are into chemistry, you might even try to die out of an overdose. It's weird because when you google "common pills whose overdose kills you" the first three search results are suicide helplines. They ask me if I need help. Yes, ma'am, showing me the results of what I actually searched for would be a great help.

I tried to swallow a bottle full of Advil- ibuprofen. Kassy overdosed to kill the life dwelling inside her, I overdosed to kill the life dying inside me. I guess taking lives runs in my family.

Don't worry, I didn't die. I immediately made myself throw up by pushing my fingers deep inside my throat. It was the first time I pray to Lord not to choke myself to death. That's how Kassy killed the life inside her without dying. I just followed her footsteps.

I always did. Kassy is what you'll call the "black sheep" of our family. I always took a step back and contemplated her decisions. She was the walking Craig's List of mistakes that people would love to sell out of their lives.

Here's the catch, I loved her way too much.

I love mum and dada too. They made both of us study in this really expensive high-end school even if we couldn't afford it. For them, education was their gold and stocks to invest in and we were their return.

I think they forgot that mutual funds are subjected to market risks and one should read all the scheme related documents carefully.

In my case, my market risks were extreme. I don't even think I have the strength to remember it without having traumatic flashbacks. There's a reason why I am skipping the faster lane, to keep my last bit of sanity intact.