Lethal Ways Not To Kill Yourself

Parent Pressure and Play 8: Kal

For the love of your god, no one wants to kidnap an overweight white brat who’d rather steal from them and buy nachos.”

Kassy and annoying ass spell the same and I can see why.

“Firstly,” Kass raised her finger, pointing at me, “don’t call him fat. Secondly,” she folded her arms, leaning on the wall of our living room, “how busy were you with your dewy eye hoe?” She cooed, her closed-lip smile pushed her eyebrow up and my mood down.

“Don’t call him hoe you imbecile fucking turd.” I snapped.

“Then don’t call Andrew fat you incorrigible twat.”

 I shook my head, dismissing the conversation. It’s been two days since Eli and I talked in the park. As expected, my brain ran faster than light. The fleck of images--- him smiling, exasperating and his hand in mine, busted in the middle of the night, and rotten thoughts were put at bay for once. It was odd, as I had never thought of anything but how terrible I have become for the past couple of years. It was as if a ray of sunshine brushed the petals of a wilted sunflower. My brain had never registered a single happy moment in the past few years and I just continued digging deep in into the wound. I wanted the wound to stay. I felt if I didn’t do it, I’d even lose my nightmares that escaped from it and be lonely. Desperation made me seek solace in thoughts that never felt warmth. For the first time, it felt as if someone genuinely wants to seal the bleeding wound, and my mind wants to cooperate.

I can’t bother Eli on the pretext of “healing my mind”, right?

“How was the date?”

Kassy had jolted me out of my train of thoughts; she was already seated on the dining table with all the plates and spoons kept neatly. Our Mom likes it that way, but she acknowledges it only when I do it. Nonetheless, Kassy tries.

I pulled the chair and took my seat. “Terrible ‘cause it didn’t exist.” I straightened the table cloth like my face.

Kassy rested her chin in her hands, looking at me all dreamily, “Aww, that’s why you ghosted Andrew for two days, right?”

“Yes and of course,” I smiled wide, “Andrew is mad that why you’re still bothering me after two days.”

“He will be duh; he can’t digest the fact that he was the third wheel. He always gets the man.”

“First of all, tell him that the world doesn’t revolve around him, and secondly,” I took a sip of water from the glass that she kept on the table, “secondly, there needs to be a couple for a third wheel to exist.”

“Uh-huh, deny all you want, lovesick boy.”

“But we’re still looking for love,” We sang together and giggled.

Mum came from upstairs. She was about to enter the dining space when she saw pillows lying on the floor near the sofa, from her eagle-eyed peripheral vision. She heaved a sigh, glaring at us, before picking up the pillows.

“Yay, mum got a reason to feed me with a scolding,” Kassy whispered and I hit her arm.

“You kids never put the pillows up, I’ll make you wash them now,” Mum muttered under her breath and sat with us. Serving us with tonight’s dinner, she kept babbling about how she needs to end up in the good book of her senior at her office.

“Why isn’t Dada here, yet?” I asked as my eyes fell on the empty fourth chair.

“He called; he has another shift.” She slurped the soup rather loudly.