Lethal Ways Not To Kill Yourself

Idiotic Decisions 6 : Elikai

I didn't know it was so hard to digest absurdity.

Alex didn't waste his time using his last brain cell, "Bruh, this is a pocket list."

Kassandra shot a glance. I wondered how many times she hates homicide being a crime. I would be in a bad mood too had Alex not grown upon me. She wasn't in the mood to take it in. "One more drop of your stupidity in here and I will sacrifice you to the Mormons."

Of course, it wasn't as if Alex would back off listening to hollow threats. He shook his head furiously, plodding one step back, "No violence on my Christian Minecraft server."

Earlene replied, "aren't we Jew?"

I don't get the point of digressing. Why the hell there is a bucket list and where the hell are we going? I sighed, running my fingers through my hands and then looking up at Kal. "It doesn't matter, the thing is, do you understand that humans at night are scarier than ghosts?"

You know the smirk that you flash you know that someone is going to say a particular thing? It shone on his face in the dark, the golden locks rumpling, "Yes, that's why you guys are here. We need the lucky egg and smiley confidence with you, preferably the gun too."

My mouth shrunk like a deflated balloon, but by the time Kal realised what he did and cover his mouth with his hand, Earlene's voice thundered in my ears.

"WHAT THE HELL, WHERE IS THE GUN-"

"What's wrong with you?" Alex interjected, although words hardly could escape from his dried and tightened throat, "what gun?" He went on and held the petite cousin of his, shoving her mouth with the blanket. She kicked her way out; one missed move and Alex would crumble in pain.

Kassandra scoffed, then glared at Alex, "stop making such a big deal, the toy gun."

I don't know if it was a mainstream or expected response but both Alex and I said in unison," Oh."

Earlene pushed Alex's hands off her mouth and wheezed, "Get your filthy hands off me you abominable-"

The Church clock struck, which was accompanied by a loud thud and Earlene on the floor.

"Ouch," she tried to sit up, rubbing her palms, "It hurts."

Alex jested, "I pity the floor got to kiss your ass."

Earlene was still on the floor and tried to kick him in the shins, but he quickly rolled on the bed.

She shook her head, "Oh my god I am 11, let me be."

Kass countered, "But you look 15, geez you guys are too tall."

"You know what else is tall?" Alex cajoled, narrowing his gaze and smirk at Kassandra. Before she could reply (she was ready to blast him, she was coiled up) Earlene intervened.

"His feet, they're ugly and webbed."

Oh my god, they are going to let the night slip with this to and fro. Earlene is just intruding at this point. "Yes, he is the ugly duckling of the fam, not you, happy? Are you done or shall I get you out?"

Earlene frowned but the sinister smile that she used to bribe Dungaroos out of me was back, "Shall I tell mum and dad?"

Kassandra rolled her eyes, sighing and raising her hands in frustration "What is this family?"

"gaslighting and trauma" Alex replied.

"Don't forget terrible jokes," Earlene added.

Alex agreed, "And accidents like you."

It took me an entire car ride filled with silence and mouldy food scent to think straight. Alex was stinking from his puke, as usual, his motion sickness was feather touch-sensitive. It was never triggered when he practically danced a ritual to summon a demon in Just Dance battle. He prayed to God for Kal not letting Kassandra sit with him, as much as he insisted.