Trust in the Force | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Master To My Apprentice

{ Ten Years Earlier }

A sense of surprising calm washed over Lyra as she came across the Jedi she had been searching for. He was seated tall and important looking in the small space of a meditation room amongst the sparsely strewn out cushions in his company, one of which he had resided on, with long legs hanging over the edge due to his impressive height. Even for a Jedi Master, Qui-Gon Jinn was a tall and imposing man to stand beside, she swore she'd seen some of the newer younglings hide away from him before in his passing. On a stroll through the temple at his leisurely broad stepped pace, they would whisper amongst themselves and back up a little further than necessary. It was a curious sight to see since Qui-Gon was one of the kindest, most understanding people she knew. It made her wonder if he ever took notice of how others perceived him or if he just didn't pay it any mind.

Lyra had struggled with that very thing the second she'd been brought into the Jedi Order at a young age. Plucked from the only life she'd known into an environment that demanded discipline, obedience and patience from her naive narrow minded view on the world. Many found it easy to judge her, most especially the other learners in her class.

Mocking her when she backed out of a saber duel in the middle of a battle after the air had gotten too thick in her lungs to breathe.

Laughing when she'd dropped a hovering rock, losing her concentration and subsequent grip on the Force from the way she suddenly absorbed the malicious emotion directed her way from another student that had been standing watching.

Shying away, though not from the result of bashfulness, but rather wariness at what negative results might occur by associating with her in anyway.

She never hated anyone for judging her, prejudice was a difficult and fickle thing to overcome especially for the young. It didn't stop her from feeling an overbearing amount of self consciousness however, resulting in every step she took to become overanalysed and calculated before she even left the safety of her sleeping quarters in the temple. Master Yoda had tried to teach her how to block out the emotions of others that were so easily projected her way, to ensure she could handle the presence of others and perhaps even learn to alter their emotional pattern in her favour in some way. They had yet to make satisfactory progress on that front, even while her Master assured her time and time again she was improving amongst her overwhelming doubt.

"Master Jinn"

He failed to react to her words of greeting for a long minute. Waiting until she decided to seat herself onto a cushion at his side before his eyes opened and a small pleasant smile caused the smooth lines on his face to crease. His Force signature gave off a quiet hum she recognised as fondness at her sight. It lifted an ever present weight just slightly from her shoulders.

"Come to meditate, young padawan?" He mused watching her intently. Qui-Gon always did have a way of making whoever he was talking to feel important, like whatever they had to say to him was in his great interest to hear completely and without judgement. Like it mattered.

"I was wondering if I could confide in you a question, Master Jinn" Her head bowed forward to imitate a respectful plea, her hood inching back when she straightening back up again in her seat. She'd been wearing her cloak indoors for a while now, almost three years. It didn't stop the fighting much, but it did discourage the stares, it was harder to stare at somebody when they were hidden behind a thick, long, brown unflattering Jedi robe that blended in amongst the endless sea of Jedi in the temple.

The elder Jedi Master let out a hum which suggested he had expected the request, leaning back in his position slightly to take her in better.

He gave the padawan a slow nod "Of course, you know you can come to me for anything young Lyra, I'm here to listen without judgement. How are you to learn without asking questions after all?".

Fully expecting a crashing wave of nervousness and nausea to hit her at any moment, when still only calm remained Lyra gathered her wits and sucked in a deep breath to the bottom of her lungs. The question was in no way an easy one, she knew that much, otherwise she would've been able to find the answer she had been to desperately craving already. It had taken her years to even find the curious enquiry in her mind, register it was even present at all. But once she had, it had been a constant companion in the back of her thoughts.

"How- What...what does love...feel like I-..." Lyra stumbled over the syllabus as they turned into rocks in her mouth. Tumbling over each other to be heard until she wrenched them loose and threw them out into the room before falling silent again and turning her eyes away and down at her hands which lay neatly folded on her lap.

"There are many forms of love" Qui-Gon remained patient throughout all of it, feeling no desire to pry into such a sensitive subject if the younger woman felt she wasn't ready to delve any deeper than her voice allowed.

"I mean...not the family, not the friend kind..." Lyra clarified carefully "I know those, I've found them in my time in the temple, happily so".

Again the Master Jedi contemplated before nodding "The last kind is the hardest to understand" he began while running a hand over his beard "I don't mean to overstep in asking this, but why are you curious about the subject?".

Should she say? Could she say? Lyra wasn't a hundred percent sure herself, only that it had been irking her ever since she'd known about it's existence. She knew love in the form of attachment was forbidden in he Jedi code, that she wasn't to love and hold onto things be it physical objects, possessions, or people and relationships. Maybe it would be easier to avoid it as a whole, if she only knew how to recognise it.

"In recent years, I've been feeling strange" She mumbled, unsure of how to word the sensation and circumstance in which it took place, "I heard Aalya speak of love, and I suppose some of it resonated me for reasons I cannot fathom" feeling uncomfortably naive about the matter she bit back any further details and lifted her gaze towards the taller Jedi expectantly.

"Feeling strange how, could you try put it into words for me?"

Shrugging, Lyra would certainly try. "It's warm, but different than when I'm training with Master Yoda. It's heavier, aching sometimes. It makes me want to cry and laugh both at once and I feel like the world may crumble if the cause might ever cease to be".

"The 'cause'?" Qui-Gon questioned confused at the word she chose to pick.

"A person, it usually occurs in the presence of somebody, or when I'm thinking of them" She cleared her throat awkwardly, praying Master Jinn would avoid asking the inevitable.

"Who?"

But he did.

Lyra bit the name back several times, letting it linger on her tongue until it burned and cried to her to be let out. She had hoped so desperately to find no need to utter it, to skirt around the cause of the question as a whole and get to the answer without it. Once again the will of the Force had other ideas it seemed.

"Obi-Wan" She said finally uttered under her breath, like a forbidden whisper "Obi-Wan Kenobi" as if the Master of the very student she was referring to wouldn't know who she was addressing.

He made a low noise from the back of his throat that could almost be mistaken as a repressed chuckle before Qui-Gon reached a large hand forward and placed on her shoulder to catch her attention and make the nervous padawan look up at him again.

"Attachment in love can be a dangerous thing Lyra" be stated matter of factly, but she could tell he wasn't done there.

"But that doesn't mean it is a bad thing, despite what the Jedi code might tell you. Once you learn to let go when the time calls for it, love can grow into something powerful".

Suddenly she felt a building dread make its way up her spine, his words seeping into her skin with a slow realisation and inevitable denial that slammed every open door in her mind shut.

"Do...D-Do I-"

"Love Obi-Wan?" He finished for her a clear gleam in his eyes she couldn't decipher.

"I foresee you already know the answer to your question".