After The Break Up

Chapter 18

Frank's P.O.V

​

​I didn't sleep. I couldn't. All I could think of was Gerard. I have to sort this somehow. So I get up and look for Bob. He was eating a greasy burger at the kitchen table. He was alone. 

​"Where is everyone?" I asked.

​"Brian's up front." Bob said, putting his burger down. "Ray and Mikey are asleep and Gerard's watching TV. You calmed yet?"

​I felt a stab of pain at hearing Gerard's name. "Yeah." I said. "I need to call Jamia to sort this out. Can I have my phone, please?" I put my hand out.

​Bob studied me for a few minutes. Then passed me my phone.

​I dialled Jamia twenty times but it kept going to voice mail. I sighed. "No bloody answer. Fuck." I looked at Bob. "Am I allowed to watch TV or do I have to wait for Gerard to leave the lounge?"

​Bob considered it for a second then shrugged. "I guess as long as you don't get close to him, your fine."

​I walked into the lounge to see Gerard sat in the far corner, drawing. He didn't notice me sit as far away as possible in a dark corner. I watched him rather than the TV. The blond hair suited him. He looked hot as usual. His black skinny jeans crossed at the knee. The sketch book resting on his thigh as he drew. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt. His tongue was stuck out slightly as he concentrated. He frowned down at the drawing as his hand stilled. "Doesn't look right." He muttered to himself. He looked over his drawing for a few minutes. "Got it." He muttered. Then he started to draw again. The frown gone. I wanted so bad to talk to him. To hug him. To kiss him. But if I do, he'll leave. His phone rang and he sighed as he put his pencil behind his ear and answered it.

​"Hey. What's up?" Pause. "I know. Caller id remember?" Pause. "Sorry. I forgot. I'll start again." He grinned. "Hello, Gerard Way's phone. How may I help you?" Pause. He laughed. "I can't win." Pause. The smile went. "And?" Pause."Did you honestly expect her to change her mind?" Pause. "Why?" Pause. "After what I did to you?" Pause. "Maybe not. But I could have handled it better." Pause. Sigh. "I know. But.." Pause. "Best thing ever." He smiled.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ Pause."You don't have to. I hate myself enough for us both." Pause. "Why? Why shouldn't I? What's so good about me? I fuck up everything and everyone I come in contact with. I should come with a fucking health warning stuck to my ass." Pause. He laughed. "Fuck off. I'm trying to be serious. Stop trying to make me laugh." Pause. "Okay. Fine. Stop MAKING me laugh." Pause. "Stop getting so technical." Pause. "Stop it. Seriously." His smile faded again. "I meant it. I even tried dying my hair to see if that would help. But how does a different hair colour and new clothes going to change the fact that I'm fucking fat AND ugly."

​I was seriously getting pissed off. Gerard has such a low opinion of himself. He was the most handsome man I'd ever had the pleasure to meet. He was kind and loving. He's helped millions of people throughout his life. All for the better.

​"Look. Quit trying to make me feel better. It's not working." Pause. "Why the fuck would I do that?" He snapped. "That was years ago. I got help remember. But even then, I wasn't trying to kill myself. Why the fuck would I tell the fan's not to if I was trying to do it myself?" Pause. He sighed. "I have a lot to live for. I have the guy's,  the fan's,  the music and Bandit. I'm not giving that up because I fell in love with the wrong guy."

​My heart shattered. Tears stung my eyes. I'm the wrong guy.

​"Everything alright,  bruv?" Mikey asked, walking in with a frown. Not noticing me.

​Gerard passed him the phone. "Try telling Lyn-z that I am not going to, and never have tried to kill myself." He snapped. "Can't I even have a downer on myself without people thinking I'm fucking suicidal?"

​Mikey took the phone. "What the fuck, Lyn-z? Gerard has never attempted to kill himself and he never would. Why the fuck are you trying to upset him?" Pause. "It's called depression not suicidal tendencies." Pause. "Fuck you, Lynsay. I know Gerard better than anyone. He'd never do anything as stupid as that. He's stronger than you give him credit for. Call back when your ready to show him the respect he deserves." He hung up and passed Gerard the phone, sitting down next to him.

​"All I ever wanted was to entertain people." Gerard muttered as he rested his elbows on his knees and sat forward,  looking at his hands. "To draw, be a good brother, son, dad and friend. To be with the one I love. But it seems no one wants me to be happy​​​​​​​​​​​​. Why? Why can't I be happy? What have I done that's so bad?"

​I tried my best to keep quiet. Holding in the tears and sobs that were threatening to escape. Forcing myself not to jump up and wrap him in my arms and tell him everything will be okay.

​Mikey put his hand on Gerard's shoulder. "You are a great brother." He reassured him. "The best. Same as your a outstanding dad and friend. Forget about Frank. You deserve better anyway."

​So hard not to scream out.

​"Only the best for the best brother ever."

​Gerard laughed. "Oh." He said, grinning at Mikey. "We have another brother then? When did that happen?"

​Mikey laughed as he play punched his shoulder. "Don't think I could handle another you."

​Gerard mocked hurt. "That's not fair. I'm lovely."

​Mikey laughed again. "And in walks Gerard Way."

​Gerard laughed. "I'm sat actually."

​"Don't get technical."

​"Too smart for you am I?" Gerard grinned.

​Mikey stood up and walked away. "Nah. Too dumb more like." He said, then walked out. 

​"Take that back."

​"Never."

​Gerard laughed, but it faded when he saw me. "How long have you been there?"

​I sighed. "I've only just got here." I lied.

​Gerard grabbed his drawing materials and headed for the door.

​"Wait." I said. 

​Gerard stopped but didn't turn round. 

​"Jamia got it wrong." I said.

​"How?" Gerard asked, turning to look at me. "Are you going away with her?"

​I frowned as I stood up. "Yes. But..."

​"Did you say thing's were wrong between us?"

​"Yes. But..."

​"Did you say that it's not what you wanted, that your kidding yourself?" He snapped.

​"Yes. But..."

​"Did you tell her you love her?"

​"Yes. But not..."

​"Then she didn't get anything wrong then did she?" He walked towards his bunk and climbed on, closing the curtain. 

​I looked down at my phone and tried to call Jamia yet again. Still no answer. I headed to my bunk and climbed on. I could hear faint sobs coming from Gerard's bunk. I have to sort this somehow. I hate seeing Gerard so upset. Regardless of what he thinks, I had no intention of leaving him or going back to Jamia. I love him. Always have, always will. I smiled as a idea formed. I hope it works.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​