DJ/EDM Oneshots [DISCONTINUED]

D.N.R.O.N.I #6

[SCP 049 is really tired of y'alls bullshit.]

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Alan: *deepthroats a popsicle*

Sonny: What the fuck?

Alan: It's not that big!

Sonny: Not that big?!

———

Mello: I'm 'bout to get Will again!

Ant: Chris, leave him alone while he's sleeping!

Mello: *proceeds to pour water on Will*

———

Will: *blowing an air horn at Ant*

Ant: Did someone say something?

———

Joel: Abercrombie and Fitch? More like Abercrombie and-

Joel & Sonny: BITCH!

Joel: Wanna go fuck at my house?!

Sonny: YEAH!

———

Alan: What would you do if there was a child right in front of you?

Tijs: *proceeds to push Martin*

———

Ken: IS THAT AN ANT AND SNAKE IN A CAR!?

Ken: EY EY! WHERE'D YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE?!

Ant: *ant noises*

Ken: WHA-

———

Sonny: *watching a video of someone complimenting him*

Joel: *snatches his phone and throws it out the window*

Sonny: What the fuck?

Joel: Only I can love you.

———

Kidnapper: $200,000 before your boyfriend dies!

Ken: That's a lot of money, you have like a discount or somet-

———

Will: Ant,

Ant: I go to church now and I'm in love with Jesus.

Will: *misheard Jesus as Joel*

Will: Joel. . .

*proceeds to try and murder Joel while Sonny and Ant are screaming in the background*

———

*Martin falls through the fucking ceiling*

Martin: Hey babe.

Tijs: Hey.

———

Sonny: I love you, Joel!

Joel: Fuck off, birth defect.

Sonny: *and that's when I knew I was in love*

———

*Sonny and Martin trying to grow beards*

Martin: Well, maybe we don't wanna be subs anymore.

Sonny: Yeah! What if we wanna be tops?

Tijs: Yeah, no.

Joel: Go do the dishes, Sonny, it's your turn.

Martin: That's not fair! Just because you're taller and older than us doesn't make you the dominant one!

Tijs: It kinda does. Besides, being a top sucks.

Sonny: Not as much as being a bottom!

Tijs: Tell me this, how do you think I feel when someone asks if I'm Martin's sugar daddy because of my age, or that he's a gold digger?

Sonny: W-Well. . . Aren't you technically?. . .

Joel: Sonny, please go do the dishes.

Martin: We don't want to be bottoms anymore! It sucks to be one! And I refuse to stay one!

Joel: Listen, you don't want to be one. Imagine showering us with attention and care 24/7 and tending to your sexual fantasies? You two have it good compared to us! Now Sonny, go do the damn dishes.

Martin: Ant, do you like being a bottom?!

Ant: Hell. Yeah.

Tijs: Do you really want to be a top and get rid of the benefits of receiving love and affection?

*silence*

Martin & Sonny: ⁿ⁰

Joel: Sonny, go do the dishes now.

———

Ken: I'm sure me and Alan are really close friends seeming we do a lot together and we're just very close.

Ahrix: *sarcastic* Sounds fun.

Ken: Me and him are going to the mall today, I hope you don't mind.

Ahrix: *sarcastic again* Yeah, no, totally fine.

Ken: Anyways, he's gonna be here in a minute so I better get ready.

*meanwhile*

Ken: Alan's here, babe, I'll see you later.

Ahrix: Have a good day!

*cut to the mall on fire*

*Ken returns home*

Ken: Arjen, did you burn the mall down?

Ahrix: *smiling innocently* No. Why?

Ken: Because it was on fire and me and Alan had to cancel our day out.

Ahrix: Oh, that's so sad! You can always spend the day with me!

Ken: *silence* Yeah, you burned the mall down. You do know that's arson right?

Ahrix: But no one knows that. *winks*

Ken: Oh my lord, I'm in love with a psycho and an arsonist. . .

Ahrix: Yep. Now come and give your boyfriend a hug and a kiss and everything else.

———

Will to Joel:

tornadosweeper, call me cute and we're gonna have some issues.