Dream On Fire

chapter 31 - unrequited

 TW BLOOD TW

As Oikawa and you went your separate ways and you proceed to walk home. Even though Oikawa was physically gone, he still remained in your thoughts. You've never though about Oikawa in this way before, I mean, you knew he was attractive but you weren't attracted to him. Now...it was different. You loved the way he smiled, even if you knew sometimes he faked it. 

When he genuinely smiled his eyes lit up and his teeth showed. When he was sad he came to school smelling of deodorant and cologne, when he was happy he came to school smelling of freshly cut apples and bad coffee. On those days you could smell his cologne but it was less prevalent and more diluted. On those days his uniform was messier and he smiled more.

You looked at the sky, the sun had almost set, the sky was beautiful. You took a deep breath with your eyes closed, you hadn't stopped to smell the flowers lately. So you did, smelled the flowers. It took you a long time to get home but you got home. 

: : 

You could barely sleep, you stared at your ceiling tossing and turning. You were tired of course, but your body could barely let you you sleep. You got up, you wanted to go outside, take a walk. You looked outside uneasy, taking a deep breath you tiredly put on a pair of shoes and strode to your front door tiredly. You nervously and quietly snuck out breathing in the night air. It was cold and dry, you left your front porch and started walking. 

You didn't know where you were going, but you were walking. You felt as if every street light you walked under was a new checkpoint, like a video game. You took another deep breath, the cold wind felt good against your skin. Without warning, you started to start thinking of Oikawa. You hated that you had feelings for him, you hated how you felt like this. 

You had never felt like this before, never had a crush on a real boy before, it was a strange feeling. You took another shaky breath in and out before tears stung your eyes. He was so...lovely? Was that a good word? 

Not only was he pretty, he had such a alurruing personality. Thinking about this made your heart hurt so you tried to think of other things like what you'll study tomorrow or what you'll have for breakfast tomorrow morning. Even though you weren't thinking about him anymore, you still felt this underlying sadness. 

This sadness didn't want to make you cry, no. It was this overwhelming type of sadness that made it difficult to walk. You ran your hand along the fence while walking home, you tried take another deep breath but it was shaky and uneasy, and the once welcoming cold was piercing and harsh. 

Once you snuck back in you laid in your bed covered in blankets, you were thirsty but you didn't have the energy, you were to melancholic. The walk had tired you and soon you were fast asleep. 

You heard Oikawa's voice, "Whoops, you fell over!" his handed extended out to you and you grabbed it, helping yourself up. You looked around, where were you? It looked like your neighborhood, it was summertime it looked like. Oikawa wiped his brow and smiled at you, "Hot isn't it?" 

You nodded, you wanted to agree but you couldn't feel the heat. "Say you're pretty quiet today..."  He paused and stopped walking taking his hands in yours, "Are you okay? You can tell me anything you know." 

You could barely feel his touch as he held your hands but you looked at him, he was concerned, worried. You gave him a forced smile, "I'm fine."  You squeezed his hand  reassuringly, he let go of your right hand so you could hold his hand as you walked. He seemed content with your answer so you didn't bother him.