Dream On Fire

chapter 34

The next day you felt groggy but you were well enough to go to school so you trudged to school in frigid weather with your hands buried in your pockets. As the days dragged on it got colder and colder, you could tell winter was already upon you. Fall was a mere memory at this point and as you looked around you realized how much time had passed.

You looked at how much you had accomplished, you never knew you would make it this far. A few months ago if you had asked yourself, do you think you'll make it? You would've said no, but now as you reminisced you realized you had. You had made it. 

You had gone to public school, fought your bullies, strengthened your skills as a swimmer, studied hard, were (so far) passing all your courses, made friends, joined a club, and even went to a highschool party. You smiled to yourself, you could barely breath, you took a deep breath and looked around. 

You did it, you made it. Suddenly the sky had lit up with new found beauty as the sun rose over the hills and the way the cold wind hit your face no longer felt harsh and demanding, it was welcoming. You sighed happily, you did it. You made it. 

You looked up at Aoba Johsai, with a goofy smile plastered onto your face. You ran up to meet Iwaizumi and Oikawa, you hugged them upon greeting them. "Hi Iwa-chan! Hello Oikawa!" You waved as you met them. 

"What has you so riled up?" asked Iwaizumi curiously

"Oh nothing, just realized something." You replied earnestly. 

"If you say so..." Oikawa's voice trailed off and they both went back to the conversation they were having. You looked at Iwaizumi and Oikawa, you loved them, platonically of course. You wanted to cherish there friendship for as long as you could because you never knew if one day, it would be your last time talking to them before school like this. The last time eating lunch with them, the last time walking home from school together, the last time waving goodbye. 

You took a deep breath shaking these negative thoughts out of your head. Suprisingly, those negative thoughts didn't linger, there was no anxiety. It's as if you could choose to stop thinking about those things, like a light switch.. You knew you would have to talk about those things later, but you didn't worry. As you indulged yourself in conversation you forgot about your negative thoughts, you forgot what you were even wanting to worry about in the first place. 

You turned to look to Oikawa, you knew you liked him but you were unsure how far your feelings went. Did you love him? Or was it some crush? You tried thinking about it some more, you knew he was pretty. Everyone knew that. You thought about it, where you that shallow? Only liking someone because they were attractive? 

People had told you you were a good person... And good people weren't this shallow. No, no wait. You WERE a good person so you weren't this shallow. Right?

 You liked his kindness, how attentive he was. You liked his confidence and how his smile could light up a room. You liked how he cared about his friends, others around him. You liked his passion, it was like a flame that refused to be put out. You liked how he was so understanding, how he took time to get to know a person. You liked how he wasn't immune to criticism, he accepted constructive criticism. 

You sighed happily, stealing a glance before staring at your feet. You were in love weren't you? You had to be, that had to be what this feeling was right? You felt happy that you finally had a word for what you were feeling. You weren't crazy, you were just in love. In love with Oikawa Tohru. 

You clenched you fist, it didn't matter how in love you were with him. He had plenty of fans plenty of options, plenty of options that you weren't you. You wondered if you were even his type, after a while of thinking you decided that you're feelings were obviously not repriocated. 

You were his friend, you remembered the evening that you realized you liked him. You remembered what you promised to yourself, you promised to your self that you would focus on your studies. 

And that's what you we're going to do. "Y/n! Y/n!" Oikawa called waving a hand in front of your face. 

"Huh?" 

"You zoned out there for a minute." Oikawa laughed. 

"Oh, sorry..." About to drift onto thought you took a quick breath and looked at him, "I'm going to the library to study. I was so worried about a test I had I zoned out. See you guys later!" 

Before the two could say anything you were off to the library to study for your "test". A test? That's a best excuse you could think of? It didn't matter, you told yourself you would focus on your studies, so that is what you were going to do. Study.  You sighed pulling out your book. 

Sometimes it just felt as if, that you were so in love, it hurt. You went onto studying, but even though you were studying, your mind wasn't on academics. It was thinking of him.

*unedited*