My Pain

Daytton fuck you

I really don't know what to do anymore. I mean fuck what is there to do. What am i to do? First things are fine were happy but you get your phone takenfor over a month. About once a week for 30 minutes you took your phone back making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. It showed you cared about me as much as i love you. So today you get your phone back and im ecstatic. It feels like i have so much to say. I just missed you so much that everything that has happened, i gotta tell you. You decide to tell me that your dad was trying to set you up with a "country girl" tellin g you to bring her home for dinner. So i ask what your response is because no matter how hard he try and he push you still have the will to stay loyal. You tell me "i told him i already have a girlfriend" yea fucking right. I dont believe a word of that. Your ass probably just stayed quiet. I already know you scared of that old man. Which brings me to why the fuck your parents hate me so muh. What did i do? The only thing that i can think that ive done to pis them off was sneak out which was over a year ago and the tim es you was complaining about them and i agreed with you beczause we in the same boat. You hatde somebody, i hate em too. Periodt! But you must havde said something that make them hate me caused they do anything thedy possibly can to get on my nerves. Im such a people pleaser too so im constantly thinkin g what i did? Also for some dazmn reason you think its ok to be walking around shirtless in front of a family friends girlfriend for shits and giggles. What about that says you loyal? Anyway. So we talk for only an hour and you want to go to your friends house and im just li8ke ok. I let your ass be. So hours later you haven't texted me and i really miss you still because i actually love you and of course your dry and then ghost me so i continue with my day and find out i can send out my party invitations so i do and the you tell me you cant see me for my birthday nor my party nor are you living down here so i cAnt see you whatsoever. My heart feels like it got ripped out my chestnut you know im being supportive and i say are you ok cause i care about you. So your all like "im used to being disappointed" so i say im sorry being compassionate waiting for you to ask how im taking this. How im feeling about being let down by you and your family once again? But nope you go ahead and tell me that you going put your phone back cause missing me and your love for me is outweighed by you being upset over something that hurts me too. At this point im crying cause all this bad information  is so overwhelming and  you go and ignore my emotions. So i call and i try stopping you and talk you out of it  but of course i was too late and no response so im texting like " daytton please". Desperately trying to get you to come back and im a mess. I go to talk to people so i can calm down and of course i have no body. Glendale listens then asks me why im still with you and its because im scared of starting over. Im scared of letting you become a stranger to me. Im scared of how youll handle that information. Im scared of who ill be without you. THat last one is the scariest one of all because what iff this is me without you because youve never been here. Everytime i try talking to you about something thats important to me you cut me off or get dirtacted. Im scared. Im scared of realizing if you put me through trauma. I don't know for sure if you have of havent fuck for all i know you can go crazy and leak my nudes. I want to trust you but you keep giving me red flags and i don't wanna look because like i said before in scared. Like what if your see this. I don't want to hurt you. Thats the last thing i want. I love you so much that i wrote a book about it. I bought yuo a ring. Its cheesy yet but i don't think you get is because your my everything but its like im not your anymore. So while im breaking down for hours your mom text me saying yuo broke your phone. How is that possible if you don't have your phone cause last thing i heard you put it back but now im heari ng that you have your phone so close that you can break it. I love to hear your excuse on this one. Does that mean yo9u were ignoring me cause that means that you wasn't missing me. I don't want that to be the case but was it? Your mom wouldn't even tell me hoe you broke it so maybe you threw it while mad. Maybe your dad got pissed at you and broke it to be an ass. Maybe right when your about to text me you drop it. Or you were never mad and ignoring me and dropped it while playing guitar. Fuck maybe you were writing a song. I don't know. Should i break up with you? Would the pain of being alone hurt less than whatever im feeling right now?