Because We Had Us

Chapter 11. Running Man

Laz

I ran like the coward I was, in the opposite direction of the disaster. I thought when I turned thirteen I would man up, become braver, but clearly I hadn't. I've always been a runner. The girl I fell in love with in so little time, was running towards the danger instead of away, but I shouldn't have been surprised. She was Ruthless, as her name says. That's what I loved about her, She didn't care what anyone thought. Ruth's fearlessness was so intriguing. Our age gap didn't stop me from loving her, but I could never tell her that because again, I'm a coward. All five of us have different responses to fear: Corin responded with sarcasm, Ruth challenged her fears, Jo tried to take care of others to block out her own worries, Miriam ran to people for comfort, and I well I just ran.

It's not like I had a reason to run. Corin grew up in the foster system if anyone had an excuse to run it was him, yet he didn't. Maybe that was my problem. I grew up with a perfect family in a big house, and I never once went hungry; We were basically rich. My dad was a stockbroker, my mother was a cardiothoracic surgeon, and I was an only child who went to an uppity private school in the city. Even being only one of five black kids in my school I still never faced hardship. Yes, there was the looks of surprise that arose when I was excepted into The Prince Charles Seminary of learning for boys, but it was nothing that I hadn't expected. When the kids at school realized how high up on the economic food chain my parents were they didn't give another care towards my outward appearance, besides the brands of clothing or shoes I was wearing; that they cared deeply about.

I don't mean to talk about my life on earth as if it was another life, but that's what it feels like sometimes. I left the life of luxury I lived behind to escape an invisible virus because I thought I was being brave, being a survivor, but now I see I was just running again. It's what I do I run, and I think that's just apart of who I am.

I had finally reached the door of the control room, where my friends who I had met not long ago, stood earlier researching away for this mystery thing that they believed COA was hiding from us. I swiftly approached the large cement door, of which I would soon come to learn I was no match against. "Ruth is in danger!" I practiced that line, with a sense of urgency in my head, and imagined the variety of responses I would get from the diverse group who stood behind it. Corin would calmly take action, Jo would ask for specific details and for me to retrace the story, and Miriam would either panic or comfort someone; she wasn't as predictable as the rest.

None of this happened though because when I went to open the door it wouldn't budge. They wouldn't lock us out would they? The only reason I could think of why they would lock the door couldn't be true because Miriam was in the room. Bang! Bang! Bang! The sounds of my fist beating the door echoed through the tunnel, but no sign of a living breathing human was heard.

What if something had happened to them? Did they leave? After a minute of standing at the door awkwardly, with my hands in my jumpsuit fidgeting from foot to foot like a guy would do waiting outside the door of his prom date's house, I took action. "Ok you've seen this done in movies many times you got this," I told myself. If they were behind this door they were going to think I was crazy, but maybe I was, crazy in love with an older girl at least. Before I had time to stop myself I was already running full speed at the cement giant in front of me. You know that bible story about David and Goliath? That's what happened except I was neither David nor Goliath. I was the Stone that David launched at Goliath that ricocheted off of him, plummeting to the ground. Yes, the door was the nine foot giant in this scenario.

The ceiling above me seemed to be spinning and for a brief moment I wondered if it actually was. It wouldn't be surprising in this space edition of the hunger games I was trapped in. I was still conscious, but it was like I had no control over my own body. I couldn't move and every inch of me burned with pain. I was left lying helpless, with no way to help the fiery girl. See what I did there? Even after being sliced and diced by Goliath the door I still had my charming humor.

When I came to my senses I expected to be surrounded by my instant family, but I wasn't. I was still alone. Where could they be? My head was pounding, and the right side of my body ached from top to bottom. So much for expectations. I rolled off the ground slowly moaning in pain, slightly dramatically. Well if I'm being honest very dramatically, but no one was around to hear me so I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Something seemed off. It was almost an impossible feeling to describe, like I had been tampered with, something about me didn't feel right. I know what your thinking, I probably broke something in my battle against the door, but it wasn't necessarily physical, despite my earlier dramatics. It was the feeling you got when you know you saw something you shouldn't have, or maybe it was like when your mom goes through your phone and even though you know you don't have anything bad on it you feel anxious. From that moment on I couldn't escape this mysterious feeling.

It was obvious I wasn't finding Corin, Jo, or Mir any time soon, so groggy and overwhelmed, I found myself going back to the thing I once ran from. I almost didn't go back because I was in pain, Ruth would probably be pissed I left her alone in the fire's flames, and I hated traveling in this place alone. This ship screamed 'Run in the opposite direction,' and as badly as I wanted to do that again I didn't. I had a long list of reasons why I shouldn't go back, but I was done being a coward. My battle with the door, that left me with an ominous ghost of anxiety also gave me a new drive. I couldn't explain why I felt this way at the time, but it was like a string of dejavu was pulling back to the ignited side of the tunnel. It beckoned me saying, "You know now," but what did I know? The flames that once mocked my fear now were afraid of me. I had to find out why.