Because We Had Us

Chapter 14. Compassion Kills

Barnett

     Miriam was quite easy to lure into her isolation room, for she was in a moment of desperation at the time. I was fascinated with how her brain worked. She was so witty you would think her a genius, but in other areas such as comprehension and motor skills she was delayed. She was a mysterious girl just like her sister. It took everything inside of me to follow through with the plan. I hated seeing Jocelyn in distress, but it was for her own good. I was torn when it came to Jocelyn and Corin, for I had known one my whole life and the other for only a few weeks, but something about her made me want to choose her over and over.

     Technically I was never supposed to interfere with the experiment, with the exception of my actual job, but I had an inkling that Xavier was doing the same thing. He seemed to have a fascination with this Ruth for some reason, maybe it was in the same way I felt for Jocelyn. I knew no matter what happened I couldn't let Jocelyn die, but after watching her I realized that either way a piece of her would die if she lived and her sister didn't. I pondered for hours trying to come up with a way to save them all, for I wasn't cruel enough to want them to die just as my parents did. I wanted them all to live, to all work together to help the next generation, but my bosses thought otherwise. To them only one person could lead.

     They believed strongly in dictatorship, while I on the other hand was completely against it. Why have one great mind take on all of the stress and responsibility when you could have many? Dr. Miller was the sketchiest of them all though. I always knew something was off about him.

     I felt as if I was a martyr. I risked my life to try to save theirs, but how could I beat Xavier? He had always been the better trainee. He was ruthless, while I on the other hand was full of compassion; well many years ago I was. Doctor Miller's training officers sucked my compassion out of me day by day, molding me into and emotionless robot. I had lived this way for a very long time and wanted nothing more than to be myself normal self again, but something told me I'd never find my old self. I watched as the group of lab rats before me grew into new people every day without looking back, some became better, while others fell apart.

     The last thing I ever wanted was to change them as I had been changed. I knew over all I had to protect Jocelyn's rare gift of Compassion. There was a part of me that hoped she would help me find my own again. That short period of time we were together I felt alive. I felt as if I could do anything, but I saw her feel that same way with Corin on then glass bridge. I knew I had to let her go.

     Her brother was an ambassador like Xavier and I, so she would have people looking out for her and Miriam. Corin would have me and Ruth would have Xavier, but what about Laz. Who decided that he got to be chopped liver? Who decided that he wasn't worth protecting?

     I was desperately trying to navigate through these uncharted waters of love, life, and survival when I breathed my final few breaths, or so I thought. Like I said Xavier never let his humanity hinder his survival instincts like I did. I watched as my own blood dripped in rhythm onto the floor. His weapon of choice, an impressively cut blade, lay on the ground as my blood pooled around it. I always imagined dying would be fast, without giving me a moment to question what was happening, but it was dreadfully slow. I laid In agony on my now blood stained couch, which I never quite liked the color of, and tried to replay my life in my head. I had spent most of it wasted away in training like a brainwashed soldier. Xavier leaned down to me and whispered in my ear.

     "I'm sorry B but I can't let you ruin my sister's chance of survival" He began. "You know what they always said in training, compassion kills." He sauntered away without looking back. He was right compassion killed, but how much worse it it to die without a life to miss. Without compassion there was no life. If only I could have realized that before I was on my death bed. Jo knew it though, so I didn't have to worry about her. Her compassion would be the thing that allowed her to live a full life, even if it did kill her in the end. At least she would really live before she died.

     I thought I heard footsteps outside the door. Had someone come to rescue me? I imagined the pitter patter belonging to Jocelyn, it would have been the happy ending I had always hoped for, deserved, if she found me and saved me before my body had lost every last drop of blood, but alas it wasn't.