* Another update?! Yes, it is. ;) I've tried to make it quite long as well, sorry it's a depressing scene, it just sorta happened!*
*trigger warning*
Dan's POV
I thought I was finally happy
I thought that now I have Phil, it would all stop. It would all stop. It would all stop.
But.
As I sat here on the floor, still crying from my panic attack; horrible thoughts swirling through my mind.
I just didn't understand.
Why did it happen, all so suddenly.
I thought he'd make them stop.
Phil had gone to his parents for the night.
I was here alone.
Alone with my thoughts.
Alone with my demons.
I thought that the happiness I felt would stay. Stay with me even the nights when I'm alone, because I knew I had Phil whether he was physically here or not. He was mine.
But my head..my head stopped the happiness and I felt myself falling back down the black hole of panic and demon filled hell and I can't get out of it myself.
If I picked up the knife that lay next to my hand, I'd let Phil down.
He wouldn't want me anymore, he wouldn't want someone so messed up.
But I need to feel the cool blade of the knife drag across my skin, I need it to save me.
I picked up the knife with a shaky hand, and twirled it round and round.
'Hello old friend.' I whispered, tears running down my face as I dragged the knife deep into my flesh and saw the blood. My blood.
I don't know what it is, I find it satisfying to see my blood drip from my arm. It takes me away, just for a moment.
And then all I feel is disgust.
At myself.
But I need it, I need to do it to myself, to remember that it'll stop my demons.
But, sometimes it doesn't, and I'm stuck.
With all these thoughts going through my head, I forgot what I was doing.
All of a sudden I felt so sick. So sick.
And then I was sick. All down my t shirt.
So I just lay there in tears, sick and blood.
I closed my eyes, knowing I should call someone, anyone.
What would they think of me?
Joe's POV
*caller ID*
'Dan'
'Hello?' I answered the phone, wondering what he wanted so late at night.
'Joe.' A choked voice came from the other end of the phone.
'Dan? Are you okay?' I asked frantically.
'I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please help me. Someone, please.' He sobbed, begging.
'Whats happened? Dan? Dan?' I repeated, but he'd hung up.
I looked over at Caspar and stood up, pulling him up with me.
'We need to go to Dan's. Now.' I told him, putting my shoes on.
'Why?' He asked, confused, but put his shoes on anyway.
'I don't know.' I admitted, I was terrified of what's happened.
'Okay.' Caspar said, walking out the door with me.
----------------------------------------------
'Dan?' I called through the shut door.
'The doors open.' He called back.
I pushed through the door to look for Dan, I didn't have to look far. He was in the living room, laying on the floor.
'Oh shit. Dan what have you done?' I asked him sadly, a lump in my throat.
'I'm sorry.' He simply said, crying his eyes out.
'Casp get him some clean clothes and something to clean him up with please.' I asked Caspar, he looked so scared and sad. But we had to help Dan we couldn't just leave him.
'Okay.' He answered, leaving the room quickly.
'Dan?' I said, looking him in the eyes.
'Yeah.' He replied sadly.
'Why?' I asked him, I just want to know what made him hurt so bad.
'I don't know. I couldn't make it stop and.. I just I had to Joe.' He cried more, eyes red and face blotchy.
'What couldn't you make stop Dan?' I asked softly.
'Everything. I couldn't do it Joe, it was the voices and I had a panic attack, I didn't know what to do.' He admitted, lowering his head.
'Oh Dan.' I hate seeing him like this.
The putrid smell of sick filled my nostrils but I didn't care.
'I should call Phil.' I told him, grabbing my phone.
'No please please don't tell Phil, promise me you won't. Please Joe don't tell him.' Dan begged, his eyes were so..sad. It's like, looking into his eyes showed his hurt, how much he was hurting.
And it fucking broke my heart.
'Why?' I asked him, I don't understand.
'He'll hate me. He'll never forgive me, they told me he won't. They told me he thought he could make me happy and I failed him Joe.' Dan was yelling now.
'Who's they? Dan. Dan, it's going to be okay, he won't hate you I promise.' I told him over and over.
'Do you promise?' He asked, he seemed so small and childlike.
'I promise. He won't hate you, I don't hate you, no one hates you Dan. It's going to be okay, now let's get you cleaned up.' I told him with confidence, pulling him up, and taking him to have a shower.
I told Caspar to call Phil and tell him what happened.
'But you were there more, you know what he said, maybe you should call him.' Caspar said, then offered to help Dan while I called Phil.
I picked my phone up off the floor and typed his number in, the lump in my throat was still there.
'Erm Joe?' Phil answered sounding tired and confused.
'I need to talk to you, it's Dan.' I said, ready to explain what had happened.
--------------------------
'Oh my god. Oh god. I knew I shouldn't have left him alone.' Phil said, his voice panicky.
'It's not your fault, he's terrified you're going to hate him now.' I told him.
'What? I'd never hate him.' Phil said softly. 'I'm coming home.'
'What now?' I asked, surprised.
'Yep. I'll be a few hours though.'
'Okay, me and Caspar with stay here with Dan until you're here.' I looked towards the door, wondering how it was going.
'Thank you. Really, thank you.' Phil said, and he meant it.
Then he ended the call.
I ran my hands through my hair.
I just want Dan to be okay.
