babysitter, ruel van dijk

0:20

BIG CHUNKS OF ITALICS ARE FLASHBACKS, HOPEFULLY YOU GET IT

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☼ three weeks later ☼

→ruel's pov←

i've tried, i've tried for her forgiveness.

clearly i haven't done enough.

every time i try, she pushes me away, begging me to get away from her.

i understood the first week, when i initially said those hurtful things, why she was pushing me away. if someone said that about me, i would've pushed them away as well. 

the next week i tried again...

"c'mon sky, if you're going to push me away then at least let me explain" i followed her around the house while she was taking care of the kids.

"ruel, just accept it, i don't want you around anymore! i've accepted that you don't like me, so accept that i don't want you here. i can do this by myself, i'm actually more than capable, so go!" she started raising her voice.

"i know you're capable, sky, i'm aware. but i want to make these right" i beg of her, trying to say anything that'll make her listen to me.

"next time, for whoever you spend time with, just remember, if you're thinking of saying or doing something that requires you to explain yourself, don't. fucking. do it." she spats out, "so go! ruel, please" i can see the pain come up in her eyes.

"okay, i'm sorry" i breath out, and walk out the door.

and the week after...

"we can't keep fighting! you have to talk to me, sky!" i started raising my voice back at her.

"you hurt me, stop trying, because you hurt me. it's going to take a lot more than us 'talking' for you to redeem yourself" she says back, trying to keep a calm voice.

and once again, pushed out of the door.

so here we are now, and i'm not sure how i can get her back, to at least being my friend. i probably fucked my chances over of her being mine, from the bullshit lies i told. now especially, it's a constant war inside my head, beating myself over and over again because any progress i was making, was just ruined. consider me at step negative five, because now she doesn't even want to see my face.

→sky's pov←

☼ later that night, early morning, 2:00am ☼

ruel's parents come in the door, and i put on my best fake smile, "hey guys i have to go, sorry my family needs me back, but the kids are sleeping, and they're good!" i happily yell out to them, running to my car.

driving home in a rush, just so i could vent to my cat, or call scarlett. the only reason i am thankful for ruel, in this moment, is because he introduced me to scarlett. i pull up to my house, climbing out of my car and slamming the car door shut. running to the door, getting my keys in hand, and then rushing to my room.

opening the door and seeing finley perched on the bed. i trudge over to him, engulfing him in a hug as we flop onto the bed. i feel him nose into my chest, trying to comfort me, and i up until now, i didn't feel the tears on the side of my face.

sitting up suddenly to wipe them, releasing fin from my grasp. he walks over onto my desk, cocking his head, probably wondering why i'm crying, again. "i'm so sorry bud, this boy is a bitch" i sob out.

i wish that this didn't affect me as much as it is, but in my mind i spent so much time with ruel and what he said truly hurt. by now i wish he would just take a hint, it's going to take more than sorry to fix this. call me stubborn, or a bitch, but i guess it just felt so much worse because i genuinely thought he liked me, at least as a friend.

he tries and tries again to get me to talk to him, but now all i associate him with, is hurt. i try to get us away from the kids whenever i yell at him because i feel like i need to keep a good impression.

even if i absolutely hate ruel, with almost all of my being, my heart will be his. well at least until i get closure, but i don't see that happening unfortunately. maybe i should get closure, then move on.

get closure,

move on,

forget about him.

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A/N I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THIS CHAPTER IS, IT SUCKS, IM VERY SORRY. THINK OF THIS AS A FILLER? IDK