babysitter, ruel van dijk

0:21

~✐✩➞ ☼~

☼ monday night ☼

→ruel's pov←

i feel bad every single day, but thing guilt consumes me the most on monday nights. i think about my secret schedule and how we would've normally just got back from our little adventures.

sometimes i wonder if she blew it out of proportion, if what i said was truly that hurtful, and i wonder why it could've made her that upset. maybe it was just the initial thing, or she thought that's not what you say about friends. close friends. damn i really fucked myself over didn't i.

i did think of the possibility that she likes me back, i actually think about that possibility all the time. maybe that's why my words hurt her so much, because she thought we were making progress together. but then i fucked it up, what's new.

i'm not sure why i said what i said, maybe it's because my sister was teasing me, but i know it was all lies. i've wanted to just spit out my feelings for her, but i can't get her to talk to me. when i try to talk to her, she pushes me away.

i do miss her, and at this point she avoids me at almost all costs. my fault, my fault.

another thing i consider, every time i have a spare moment, is whether i should text her or not. we texted every day for several months, and then my dumbass said some shit and just like that, we stopped. i look back at our old conversations, a hot tear slipping out of my eye. wiping it away quickly and looking at the last thing one of us said.

...

sky☾

okay ruel

thank you bud <3

...

if i were to text her, what would i say to make things better, without making it worse. hey? i'm not sure if she would think that's upsetting, like why would i be so casual. would she think that? or would she be happy we're talking.

i type out the simple 'hey' i would like to send her, and my finger hovers over the send button. very cautiously, i debate whether or not i should send this casual message. eventually, by accident, my thumb slipped and the message sent.

realizing what i had done, i started freaking out, throwing my phone across the bed, hands shaking, and tugging my hair. once my brain caught up to what happened, the option of deleting the message was far gone, she already got it.

fuck.

→sky's pov←

sprawled out across my bed like a starfish, octonauts playing in the background of my room, finley laying on my hip. seems silly having the children's show playing in my room, but i think of it more as a comfort show. a safe way to distract me, without making me emotional like a drama or romantic comedy.

romantic comedies are the absolute worst in this situations, because they always have a happy ending. at the moment it feels like my life  will never have a happy ending, and thinking of all these rom coms are making me feel sad again.

just as the thoughts clear my mind, and i'm focusing back on peso the penguin... i hear my phone's text tone go off. i changed my phone's text tone to young niall horan saying "just chillin out in me box" in hopes of making me laugh when someone texts me.

sighing and sitting up, scooting my butt back so i could lean against my headboard. grabbing my phone, not bothering to look at the notification, expecting it to be scarlett or sasha.

swiping up on my phone, and opening the messages app, clicking the new conversation. taking a final glance at the contact, and finally seeing ruel's name at the top of the conversation. 

...

ruel ☼

hey

...

what the fuck. dropping my phone and springing onto my feet, atop my bed. my mannerisms becoming cautious, and i really don't know what to do.

jumping and landing flopping on my butt, grabbing finley, pulling him into my chest. "finley! he texted me! he texted me. should i be mad that he only said 'hey' or should i be happy that he even said anything to me..." i start ranting.

as i continue ranting finley starts wiggling around in my arms, eventually hopping into my lap, turning to look at me. "what should i do finley?!" i say picking him up some more, shaking him around a bit.

text him back... yes? sure why not. we were friends before he was a dick, and after he was a dick, well now we're here so. hmph.

"have courage, have courage, have courage..." i repeated to myself, over and over again. "i'm gonna have courage, finley!" i shout out.

typing in the 2 letter word and punching the send button. "boom finley! look at me go, i just replied! fuck i should still hate him."

...

ruel ☼

hey

hi

...

i should still hate him, he was a dick, i should still hate him. but i don't. so i guess around him i'll hate him, but by myself, i can relax.

i hate him, but i don't

easy.

~✐✩➞ ☼~

a/n ugh ik bad, let's just move on