Many Moons

Year 3

Except things had changed. The summer brought on new growth Remus surely wasn't ready for. Although his chest had been growing since he was 10, over the summer holiday, he had grown significantly in two ways; he had gotten much taller. Thanks to his mother's tall genes, he was around 5'6. Whilst Sirius was 5'2, no thanks to his inbred genes. James was around 5'4, leaving Peter a meek 5'0. But, even worse, his "figure" had begun to form, reminding him constantly that he lived in the wrong body. Although he was still in reality incredibly lanky and skinny, in his eyes his hips began to fill out, making him increasingly insecure and dysphoric. Fearing his clothes would give him away, he decided to grow all of his clothes 2 sizes too big to ensure his "features'' wouldn't be noticed. Luckily, it worked. While fully dressed, Remus passed perfectly fine. As much as Remus never wanted his body on display, and despite how much he loved and cared for his dormmates, there was a streak of jealousy he felt when James and/or Sirius were in their tight quidditch uniforms or slept shirtless. It was a desperate feeling of wanting what he knew he couldn't have. Even worse, he had begun to fancy Sirius.
It was the beginning of the term and, to the Marauders, that meant one thing: The Start of Term Prank. The plan was to steal all of the clothes of the Slytherin team after the match, causing them to walk back to the dorms in just their pants.
Their plan worked like a charm and they watched in glee, laughing their tails off as the entire team trotted back to their dorms in nothing but their pants. The captain of the team spat out,
"We'll get you little Griffindorks back! Mark my words!"
And oh, did they keep their promise. The next Saturday, the Marauders woke up in nothing but their underwear with all of their clothes seemingly gone. James was up first and wasn't shocked, as he often slept without trousers on. Sirius wasn't too surprised either, but Peter was the giveaway that this had definitely been the work of Slytherins, as he was quite insecure of his body, so he felt very exposed.
Remus, on the other hand, was petrified. He was laying in bed with nothing but his sports bra and pants on. And worse, he was on his period. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't get up. His friends would see him, and besides, there was no promise of clothes if he did get up. Remus was thinking of what to do when he felt someone shake him.
"Moony, get up! The bloody Slytherins took our clothes!"
Sirius exclaimed, irritated.
Remus replied, panicking,
"Oh, well I um...erm, I think I'll just stay in bed..."
Sirius was perplexed and tried to pull down the covers. Remus jerked them back up yelling,
"Stop Sirius."
James and Peter were now surrounding Remus' bed, hearing the bickering between the two. They didn't know what to do and, without thinking, Sirius pulled at the covers again. This time, he caught Remus off guard. The three boys stood there, shocked at what they had seen. They saw Remus, their friend, who was a boy, in pants, a top that looked like a "sports bra" (as they had heard the girls say through muffled whispers), but with slightly girlish hips and thighs. Remus was petrified and humiliated; shoving past his friends, crying, and locking himself in the bathroom. It was the end for Remus. He'd be outed, have no friends, and worse, probably be forced to leave Hogwarts. He didn't hear from his friends after what they saw. They had left knowing that Remus needed space and they needed to find their clothes. The boys found their things scattered around the common room, beginning the long process of finding their clothes, including Remus' things, dressing along the way. Lily, now aware that the boys had found their things, walked over to James, holding some items in her hand. She whispered, not wanting anyone to hear,
"These are Remus'. Tell him that no one saw them but me. Alright?"
James shook his head, confused, but took the shirts that resembled thick tank tops. Walking back up to their room, they noticed Remus was still in the bathroom and was clearly crying. Looking at each other, puzzled on what to do, James gathered what he assumed Remus wanted on a Saturday: one of those tank tops, a big jumper, jeans, trainers, and socks. Knocking on the door he said,
"Remus, I put some clothes outside the door for you."
Slowly, the door creaked open and a scarred arm reached out, grabbing the clothes, still audibly crying. Rather than leaving and going to breakfast, the boys stayed behind, needing to know what was going on with Remus. Moments later, Remus appeared, now dressed, with tear-stained cheeks, and eyes puffy from crying. He began to pack his trunk. Sirius questioned,
"Hey, why are you packing?"
Remus started to cry again,
"You lot know what I am now, so I'm leaving..."
James piped in saying,
"What do you mean we know 'what' you are?"
Remus sat on his bed, looking at his feet,
"You know that I don't have the right body..."
Sirius, still confused,
"What do you mean Moons?"
Remus replied,
"I'm something called transgender. It means I was born in a girl's body, but in my brain and heart, I'm a boy. Basically, I'm a boy with girl parts. That's what you saw..."
It suddenly all made sense. Remus never using urinals, his baggy clothes, him avoiding changing in front of them. Remus said,
"Again, now that you know, I'll start packing..."
James stopped him. He didn't completely understand and it was hard to imagine Remus having girl parts, but he was still Remus, right?
"Wait, Remus, don't pack. Why would you pack?"
"Now that you know, I figured you'd put me out, or at least, not want me in here because you're all clearly real boys with the right thing in your pants..."
Sirius said,
"Woah, Remus. Don't say that about yourself! You're a real boy, and of course we want you in here. You're a Marauder and a boy, so we want you to stay."
James and Peter nodded in agreement. Remus responded,
"Really? You lot seriously don't mind???"
They all expressed in their own way that they didn't care. Remus said,
"Well, if you're all okay with me, then I'll stay. But please, it's just like the werewolf thing. You can't tell a soul..."
They all nodded in agreement, but James mentioned,
"Erm, well, Moony...Lily might know something because she's the one that hid all of your underthings, but she ensured me no one else saw. And, by the way, what are they?"
Oh, sh^t! Remus thought he'd have to tell Lily at one of their many study sessions.
"Oh, well, erm...some of them are binders, which help my chest stay flat, and the others are sports bras, which I wear at night and when I transform because I can't wear a binder for too long or I'll hurt myself..."
James replied,
"Oh alright, that makes sense."
With no further questions, the 4 walked to breakfast like nothing had happened. But little did they know, a certain Severus Snape was onto a certain Remus Lupin and he was out to prove his suspicions.
Later that week, Remus pulled Lily into a private library room. He explained,
"Er, Lily, I need to tell you something..."
"Well, go on, Remus,"
She said, giving him a reassuring smile.
"Well, James told me that when the whole prank happened, you hid my binders. And, the whole reason I have binders is that I'm something called transgender. It means I'm a boy on the inside, but my body is, er, a girl's. But Lily, I can't thank you enough. It was so hard coming out to my mates, and even you. So, thank you for hiding them."
He finished saying while pulling Lily into a hug. She started,
"Remus, of course I would hide your stuff for you! I fully accept you and won't tell a soul. You're a boy and there's no question about it. But, on another note, is there a certain someone you've got eyes on? Any girls?"
Now smirking, causing Remus to flush a bit, saying,
"I erm...no Lily, there are no girls..."
Lily was a smart muggle and knew exactly what Remus was feeling,
"Soooo...are there any boys???"
Remus' eyes got big, clearly hiding something,
"Uh, no, maybe, yes, I don't know..."
"Sooo, is it James?"
"Ew, no. James is definitely not ugly, but he's just not my type."
Lily questioned,
"Hmmm, alright. How about Frank?"
Remus retorted,
"Still ew Lils, just drop it. Besides, I like black hair—"
He threw his hand over his mouth. She knew immediately.
"Ohhh, you mean you've got the hots for Sirius?!?"
Remus, now with panic in his tone,
"No! I never said Sirius...you said Sirius!"
Lily, crossing her arms all sassy, asked,
"Do you have a crush on Sirius?"
"What no...uhhh never. Sirius doesn't like boys..."
Lily gave him the look and he knew he couldn't lie to her. Remus, getting nervous, responded,
"Uhhh, ok maybe...is that gross, Lily?"
Remus was now fidgeting with the hem of his sweater ,going a bit pink in the face. He was clearly embarrassed. Lily replied,
"Of course it's not gross, Remus. You like boys and Sirius is a boy. Nothing gross about it. Although, I do think he likes you too..."
she said smiling.
"Uhh, I don't think so. Too many birds are basically falling at his feet in love."
Lily laughed, giving Remus another reassuring look, before saying,
"I'm sorry, Remus, but I've really got to go now. Still, I love you and I won't tell a soul."
Remus waved goodbye to her, now thinking that Sirius couldn't like him because 1. Sirius didn't like boys and 2. even on the off chance he did, there was no way he'd like a boy like Remus.
Meanwhile, Sirius and James were alone in the locker room after quidditch practice. Sirius needed to know for sure what he was feeling but wasn't sure how to even bring it up to someone like James. Would he just blurt out "I like boys, not girls! Or something closer to "I have a question..." Regardless, he began skittishly asking,
"Er, James...can I tell you something?"
"Yeah mate, what's up?"
"You know how you like girls, right? The way you feel. Why do you feel like that?"
James was a bit confused, not understanding why Sirius would ask such a grammar school question.
"Well, I don't really know how to explain that. I guess I like the way girls look, their personalities, their hair. I don't really know why exactly, it's not really a feeling you can easily explain. Why do you ask? Has a bird caught your eye?"
James queried, laughing. Sirius became nervous, explaining,
"Well, not exactly..."
James stopped, confused. Sirius, not daring to meet James' eyes, said,
"I er...I started to well...I feel the way you described except with...boys..."
James was a bit shocked but replied calmly,
"Alright mate, so you're gay. No big deal."
Sirius, shocked, said,
"Wait, you don't care or think I'm a freak or something?"
James laughed, putting his gear away,
"Why would I, mate? You like blokes, not birds. There's not a big difference."
Sirius stopped in his tracks and hugged James. They were always very physical friends. Sirius told James,
"Thank you, mate...thank you so much!"
James said, smirking mischievously,
"No problem, mate. But now you've got to tell me who you've got eyes for."
"No way! I'm never telling you. You'll never let me hear the end of it."
James smirked,
"So is he a Gryffindor?"
Sirius, without thinking, said,
"Of course, you git. We sleep with hi—"
Sirius threw his hands over his mouth. James erupted into a fit of laughter.
"You bloody fancy Moony!?"
Sirius, going red in the face, retorted,
"What? No...uhh, why would you think that...?"
James smirked,
"Bloody idiot, you said he was in Gryffindor and we sleep with him. I'm in love with Lily and Pete definitely likes girls, so that leaves Moony."
Sirius, blushing furiously,
"So what if I do fancy Moony? It's not like he's smart or handsome or witty or funny. Oh, for Merlin's sake, I'm bloody in love! Alright?"
James laughed again at Sirius' state, knowing he was being genuine because Sirius never acted like this.
"If you fancy Moony, then you fancy Moony. There's no further discussion. But mate, you're gonna have to talk to him."
Sirius chuckled sarcastically,
"No way in hell he likes me. I'm the one who outed him to us. He can't fancy me..."
James said,
"I'd beg to differ. Just try and talk to him, mate. I'm sure everything will be fine."
They left the changing rooms after that.
From that day forward, whenever James could, he most certainly teased Sirius. In classes: "Oi Padfoot, you better quit staring before someone sees." Whispering quietly, "Undressing the lad with your eyes, mate?" "I know someone who thinks Moony's new scar is hot." Through every little remark and joke James made, Sirius couldn't help but blush because, as funny as the jokes were to James, they were quite honestly what Sirius was often thinking.
There were a few times he almost got caught, though. When James whispered into his ear while walking behind Remus,
"Jeez, Pads seems to be staring at Remus' arse. I know you love it, but sheesh."
Sirius went bright red. He wasn't thinking that at all, but yet he was. Remus had heard at least bits because he looked back at the two, mouthing nervously,
"Is something wrong?"
James piped up,
"Oh, nothing at all, mate. Sirius just seems a bit warm is all."
Remus looked over at Sirius, who was blushing furiously, and said,
"Oh. Well, you should go get some rest then."
Sirius stuttered, clearly panicked,
"I...er, well. Yeah, great idea Remus. I'll head to the dorm now. Byeee,"
before running off to another staircase. James laughed and Remus was just confused at what had gotten into Sirius. This continued for nearly the rest of the year. For Remus, the remainder of the year was better. He eased up on his hiding, knowing that the boys knew his secrets, but he still preferred to change and shower privately as a self-confidence keeper and way to prevent his jealousy from returning.
He did, however, finally purchase something to show he was proud of who he was. It was a small leather bracelet with braids of pink, white, and blue woven into it to look like the trans flag. No one knew what it meant but him, the Marauders, and Lily.