short stories → wolfstar

can you keep a secret 3/4

   remus

bursting into a fit of tears, i hide under my tartan blanket in the dormitory. all i want to do is shut the world out.
i've lost my best friend. i've ruined everything.
my skin is splotchy, my eyes are stinging, my nose running like a tap. i want to rip my face off i'm so annoyed with myself. how could i let things get this out of hand? i'm beyond glad it's the easter holidays tomorrow. i won't have to face anyone after tonight. all i have to do is get through this evening, and then i'll be on the hogwarts express home. home with my loving mum, a warm cup of coco in hand whilst she holds me tight.
"remus?" a soft voice says tentatively, sending daggers of longing through me. sirius. my stomach lurches. i never even heard him enter.
"remus please can we talk"
it hurts having the person you love be so close to you, yet you can't have them.
"i don't want to. i already know what you're going to say" i whisper, barely audible. i feel the bottom of my bed sink gently with his weight.
"please go away" i sob, feeling another outburst of tears building up. i know i won't be able to contain it if he stays much longer.

it just hurts so fucking much.

                                    sirius

i know deep down i shouldn't, but i tear off the blanket that's covering him. i've never seen him so upset. he's deserted his usual composed manner, replacing it with a small broken child. my feelings almost suffocate me they are so strong, i couldn't care for him more if i tried. i swear i'll kill snape for doing this.
"remus just 5 minutes please-"
"-sirius i meant it"
"but-"
"sirius"
"please-"
"go"
"moony-"
"leave me alone!"
"remus-"
"I SAID ALONE!" his eyes have turned bright werewolf yellow, his voice is mixed with growls, his veins are popping just as he does when he's transforming. except it's nowhere near the full moon. i've pushed him too hard.
"right. alone. yes" i grasp at words, feeling completely helpless, there's nothing i can do to stop him from falling apart.

in one swift movement he aggressively pulls the sheets up tight to his chin and turns away from me, signalling that the conversation is over. i cant help but feel slightly hurt, but i understand. i have to let him deal with this.

i get up and move towards my own bed. we'll talk in the morning.

remus

hurriedly, i stuff every last woolly sock, quill, knitted jumper, bar of chocolate and text book into my scarlet and gold trunk ready to go home, being careful with the noise i'm making as sirius, james and peter aren't awake yet (to my relief yet not to my surprise). i slip on my battered converse and maroon corduroy jacket as thoughts still hammer my tired, raw brain. no matter how much i care for sirius, i must put my feelings for him to one side.

as quietly as possible i drag my trunk down stairs and into the fresh spring air outside the castle. the faint breeze stings gently at my nose as i breath in its crispness.
"you're early for the train mr lupin, are you alright?" professor mcgonagall's brisk voice startles me with an unusual kindness.
"yes, yes i'm fine thank you" i lie, plastering the best smile on my face as i can. instantly, i know she sees through it, but is wise enough not to ask questions.
"well have a good holiday mr lupin" she nods curtly with a small smile.
"you too professor"

slowly, the platform begins to fill up with students about half an hour after i arrive. all with trunks of emerald green, midnight blue, lemony yellows and crimson reds. however my mind is completely and utterly fixed on sirius. how perfectly his head sits in the crook of my neck, how perfectly his hand fits in mine, how perfect we'd be together if only he felt the same.

it's at that moment i see his shaggy black hair in the distance with james and peter in tow. hastily, i scramble to my feet and try to board the train-

but not fast enough, a strong, firm hand grabs my shoulder.
"remus, do you want to talk now?"
"no sirius i don't!" i almost yell as the train whistles indicating the looming departure. sirius stares at me, mouth hanging open, stunned. but it's like i've opened the floodgates, once i've started i can't stop.
"sirius i fucking love you! and i cant bare to talk or be around you knowing you don't feel the same!" the whole platform has stopped and turned to stare "jesus i can't stop feeling how i do! and i'm sorry but that's never going to change! now please sirius, if you ever valued me as a friend, just leave. me. alone."

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lmao i'm so sorry this is no longer a three part series it's a four part because it was getting too long🦋 ty ty ty for getting this far though omfg