short stories → wolfstar

oh deary me sirius is drunk

                                    remus

"hEy LoOk iM pWongS" sirius slurs, bumbling out the three broomsticks with two twigs balanced on his head.
"tell me how many fire wiskeys did you have sirius?" i laugh as he stumbles on the snow covered path, making the twigs fly into the unknown.
"just one" he says, holding up seven fingers
"right just one" i laugh sarcastically, as i straighten his scarf that's tied truly abysmally.
i lean in for a kiss but he ducks surprisingly skilfully for his far from sober state.
"wOaH!" he exclaims "yoU cAnnOwt kiSs mE"
"why not?" i laugh at his pouting expression
"i have a boyfriend" he proudly puffs his chest out
"yes sirius i know. i am your boyfriend" i chuckle
"no you aren't. REMUS is. and i lovwe him. so please scoot off" he wafts his hands, signalling me to go. but it's clearly to strong of an action as he almost topples over with the sheer exertion.
"REMUS!" he exclaims, as i catch him before he slams his head in path.
"yes it's me!" i laugh as his eyes droopily stare at me, slightly crossed
"REMUS SOMWE GUY JUST TRIED TO KISTH ME!"
"no way!" i exclaim in mock surprise
"YEAH! oH loOk" he hiccups, scrunching his nose up in defiance "LuCiuS mAlfoy. gReAsy giT" he says far too loudly
"right i think it's time we go back to the common room" i try ushering him away as lucius glares at us.
"grEasy giT! gReaSy git!" he sings as i practically drag him back to school.

"gargleweb" i say to the fat lady making the portrait swing open.
"iM tOo HAWWWT" sirius struggles at his leather jacket in the common room.
"yes i know" i mumble to myself, knowing he won't remember a thing.
"I." he rips his jacket off "AM." he pulls his hat off "TOO." he kicks his shoes off "HOTTTT!!" he starts taking he trousers off.
"not the trousers!" i madly try to stop him as the common room laughs. james and lily start wolf whistling as sirius somehow wins and stands proudly with his jeans at his ankles.
"that's better." he smacks his lips "not warm aNymore"
"just half naked" james laughs, making the room roar with laughter
"sirius you must put your trousers on" i chuckle
"why?"
"because nobody in gryffindor house wants to see you like this!"
"you do" he giggles to himself
"sirius black! PUT YOUR TROUSERS ON!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

and with that he stumbles upstairs to the dormitory, tripping about a thousand times before finally getting to the top.
"what. an. idiot" i laugh walking over to lily and james
"he's beyond an idiot" james agrees
"he's an idiotic idiot" lily nods
"how many fire whiskeys did he have?" james chuckles
"eleven" i say trying to suppress a grin "i counted"
"what an idiot" lily laughs
"such an idiot" i smirk.
"to sirius black" james says holding a glass of pumpkin juice up for a toast, "the biggest idiot gryffindor house has ever seen"