The Scars Of Us

CHAPTER 11

I woke up with Jax gone from his bed. I looked at the time. It was 7 AM. It was cold, he would've left a while ago. I felt worried mixed with confusion. I didn't want him to finish what he was going to do last night.

I groaned and sat up with my head pounding. I looked down at myself and saw I was in the clothes I partied in last night. I felt icky and gross. I stood up feeling groggy and burdensome.

I took heavy and sleepy steps to my room to grab some stuff. Then I went to the bathroom and had a hot shower, cleaning the remnants of last night. I washed my hair thoroughly and I scrubbed my skin hard. I wanted to feel fresh again. Once I was done, I moisturised and changed.

I took my pills and went downstairs. Mr and Mrs Reed were still asleep I'm guessing. I looked at my watch. It was 7:35 AM. They definitely wouldn't wake up early on a Saturday morning. I started making some coffee and looked out the window. Jax's car was gone. Where would he have gone?

I decided to make some scrambled eggs and bacon. I laid out my food on the table, the morning sun coming through. I sit down and began to eat silently. The morning glow of the sun was beautiful. It's as if it was a perfect moment. A fresh shower, the sun shining, a good breakfast, a good hot cup of coffee.

But it wasn't perfect. My mind travels to last night. Though the setting was perfect...I was out of place in this instagram worthy photo. I closed my eyes and let the sun shine on my skin through the window. I wanted the sun to penetrate what was inside of me. I wanted my own little sun to shine in my chest, to fill my heart and veins with light.

But that obviously doesn't happen. Darkness still filled the hollow spaces. My hip was better. The muscle around my leg didn't feel so weak or tender anymore.  I sipped my coffee. I don't know what to do with myself. I felt stuck in my own mess, I was lost in it and I don't know how to climb out. I remember what I told Jax last night, about hope. I laughed at myself. What a hypocrite. I don't ever take my own advice. I don't believe it. Maybe that's why I told him? I told him in hope that maybe he'll be better than me, that he's got a better chance at believing in it and climbing out of the mud.

I rub my temples. I felt like I was trapped in my own mind and my past keeps replaying over and over again. Seeing Jax like that last night, it made me realise that we really don't know people. We don't know what they go through or who they are until they let us into their world.

I hope he's okay. I don't know where he is, or what he's doing, but I pray that he's okay. Last night was horrible, it was a messy night. Except for the end. I closed my eyes and relive the feeling of him behind me, holding me in his arms. It was the first time that I felt safe. It felt like Jax was protecting me. I didn't know if those kinds of thoughts were a fantasy or reality, but either way, it felt good. It calmed me to know that maybe, just maybe, someone was accepting me with all of my flaws, all of my brokenness and scars.

A knock sounded at the front door. I frowned. Who would be here now? I went and opened the door.

Heather, Remi and Lawrence were standing there with snacks. They smiled widely, "Hey Bitch!" Heather said.

I laughed in shocl, "What're you guys doing here?"

"We decided that maybe we should all have a lazy and chill day."

"Aka," Lawrence says, "Netflix and chill."

"Yeah think of it as a date...a giant date...with four people. Actually think of it as like an orgy, but in date form." Remi said.

Heather rolls her eyes, "Too much, Remi, too much," Heather stares at me and her eyes soften, "I know things have been a little hard lately, so I thought maybe this might help cheer you up a little bit."