The Scars Of Us

CHAPTER 17

I couldn't sleep all night. All I was thinking about was her lips. How soft they were, how they made me feel warm.

I seal my eyes shut and clinch my jaw hard, wanting these feelings to go away, "Fuck." I grunted. I sat up and released a frustrated sigh. I don't know how this even happened. It just...did.

I closed my eyes remembering the first time we met. As soon as I saw her, she looked so innocent and I've never really interacted with girls like that before. And she was so beautiful and yet adorable. I don't know why I felt threatened by her. I tilted my head. I think it was because when she looked at me for the first time...she didn't look at me like I was bad. She just saw me as a random guy and I liked it. There was no preconceived idea of me.

She made me feel things just from one look. And I guess that's why I acted like an asshole to her. I couldn't let her into the cement walls I've put around myself ever since my mother died.

-"Do I look sick to you?" I said with a hard tone. My eyes never leave hers. She looks down at her shoes, squirming at my directness.

"No." She says a little quiet. I notice she ducks her head down so than her hair would hide her blush...fuck that's kinda cute.

"That's because I'm not," I say exasperatedly. I lean back and rest against the counter. "My dad just didn't want his fucked up son to embarrass him."

She looked down at her twiddling fingers and said in a soft and gentle voice, "If it makes you feel any better, my dad doesn't really like me either."

I was lying to myself. I know why I feel things toward her. I've known this whole time but I've just been in denial. I could've stopped this if I wanted to...if I wanted to...but I let it happen. I liked how she made me feel. She made me feel understood. She made me feel like I wasn't the bad guy.

I know I haven't treated her the best. I've been the regular Jax Reed asshole that everyone knew. But that didn't stop her. She was defiant yet soft. She was sassy yet so easily can blush from shyness. She saw how I am, How I'm an asshole and yet...whenever she saw me in my fucked up state...she was kind to me. She wanted to help me. She saved me.

-"Jax, are you okay?"

-"Stop moving! Let me help you!"

-"Are you sure you're okay?"

She doesn't put up with my asshole-ish ways, but she was always willing to help me whenever she thought I looked angry or bruised from a fight. I sighed. I liked the feeling of her worrying about me, I liked. Now I'm fucked.

I looked at the time. I need to go to school soon. I hopped into the shower and let the water wash my mind of those lips, those sweet soft lips. I wonder what it would feel like to feel her skin on mine? Her arms around my neck, my arms around her waist, pulling her against me, trapping her in my embrace forever.

I laughed...as in genuinely laughed at myself. Life was a big fat fucking joke. This had become the cherry on top of the fucking cake. The one girl in my entire life that I'm going absolutely crazy for, the one that I want...I can't have. It was wrong for me to want her after what I've done.

MILLY

I was sitting in class. I don't know which one. I haven't paid attention to anything today. My mind was far away. Sunken into the memories of last night.

'I think we both know this has gone beyond friendship for a while."

That sentence has been burned into my mind and it has been circling around my head all day. What did it mean for us? Where do we stand? I mean...he kissed me. And I loved it. I've never felt so much emotion in such a simple action before. If he likes me and I like him, would it really be bad to just try it out?