Into the woods

Chapter 11

Two days and 19 hours. That's how long the last time I saw him. I feel so bad. I feel so sad. I want to take back my words. I wanted to tell him that he doesn't need to find the answer anymore. I wanted to tell him that I'm okay to whatever he can give me. I wanted to tell him to forget everything I said, that it doesn't matter anymore. I wanted to tell him I love him. But I can't. I can't make myself call him. I wanted to talk to him in person so I can hug him and kiss him. He was not in school, the three of them actually.

"Hey eat up Niko. You've been twisting your pasta for the last 30 minutes. "

"I don't have energy to eat." I told Raven. For the last few days, it's always Raven that I have beside me. Rumors of me cheating to Zach for Raven are spreading up. I wanted to clear things up but I still have a problem I needed to solve first.

"Niko, you need to eat. It's a necessity for a person to eat. Don't make me shove that food in your mouth. I know you love eating so you must eat."

I stared at him. "Raven what did I do?" I said frustratingly. 

"You asked question that he didn't answer. You were upset that he didn't have an answer. Deep in your heart, you were expecting that he would just say he loves you and that's all that matters. Now eat, I already answer your question." I tried to eat. I have trouble eating for the past few days. Stupidly, I was crying while eating. I wanted him more than the food in my mouth. I wanted to go to him but I don't know where he lives. Right now, I can feel the feeling of losing a mate. It's horrible. Its feels like dying is better option than to live a shit life without him.

"Niko? Can we talk?" A voice from my behind made me jump out of my chair. I turned around and saw Damien. I looked around to find Zach wasn't with him.

"Yes. Of course." I was about to get off when Raven hold my wrist.

"You talk to him but you need to eat first. I'm not letting you go unless finish your food." Raven said sternly.

"Raven.. I need to talk—"

"Raven is right. You need to eat. I'll wait for you in the car park. My car's red. I'll wait for you there. We'll have to go somewhere."

I never have been so alive since the last two days. I immediately eat all my pasta and drink my soda.

"Raven, I really need to go. I feel sorry for leaving you but I need to go. I'll talk to you next time"

"Yeah. You go now. Ask him about where Zach lives. If Damien can't bring you to him, we'll go to his house. Is that okay?" I beamed.

"Yes of course." I hugged him. "Thank you for everything. I swear I'll tell you everything. BYE!"

I ran my little legs up to the car. I don't know what things we'll have to talk; I just need to ask where Zach lives. I saw the lone red car in the parking lot. I knocked and I heard it unlocked.

"Hey. You look...awful." He bluntly said as I entered. He started the car and we go.

"I-I haven't properly sleep."

"And so is Zach." I glanced at him.

"I-Is he okay?" I said in a little voice. I'm embarrassed to ask him about Zach. I was the one who put us in this situation.

"Honestly? No. He looked so fucked up. He starved himself. He deprived himself from sleeping. He hadn't change his clothes since you two talked. He wasn't been home since then. He was just sulking in the northern border. He—he hadn't change himself. He remained to be a wolf since the last time you guys talked."

I looked down in my hands. My tears are flowing freely in my face. I hurt him. Zach is devastated because of me. Was I so selfish?

"Niko. As his closest friend, I never see him like that. Frankly saying, I wanted to curse you 'coz I feel really bad about my friend. But I understand your point. I really do. You don't want him loving you because of the mate bond. You want him to love you because he love you right?" I just nodded.

"But you know Niko, one thing about Zach is that he always have a hard time expressing his feelings. He's bad at words. He is the kind of guy that will show his feelings through his action and not words. He cares for us, but he didn't say anything. You two have gone a lot of PDA but I knew he rarely whispered sweet words for you. He doesn't know how, he doesn't know what to say. One time when we were kids, we fought about something like usual friendship does and I got sick afterwards. He didn't know about this but I learned it from my dad that he was the one taking care of me when my father is in his beta duties and my mom has to help in the big house. He never said it but he always cares." He breathed in. I can't utter a word.

"My point is that he might not say it but he is genuinely in love with you. Not just mate bond. Niko, he waited 8 years for you and—" I frowned. 

"8 years?? I thought the mate thing starts at 18? He was just 19, right?"

"Yeah. But haven't you notice that for 8 year, no wolves had ever lay a paw on you? That every time you went to the woods, nothing had happen to you? He was there, lurking in the woods for 8 years, trying to protect you. He was always looking for you since you stepped into the woods. When he turned 18, he was absolutely terrified of finding his mate. He doesn't want spending his lifetime with someone he just knew. For the last 8 years, he was praying to the goddess that you would be his mate. Imagine his happiness when he found out you're his mate. When he scented his mate outside our classroom, I saw the sadness in his eyes. He knew you were not studying in our school. He knew you never stepped outside you town. He was absolutely sad. And when he saw you and learned that it was you, he could have change into a wolf from his happiness. After he delivered you home, he cried in his car. He cried for happiness. I never saw him so happy. Funny thing is that, Averys and I went crying for him. We were just so happy for him. We saw how he waited for you. He loved you Nikolai. He loves you more than you imagine. Mate or not, he was so into you. He had loved you before and he even loves you more now that he knows you are his mate."

I was just crying out my heart loud while listening to Damien. I want to go to Jeck and let him punch me. I'm so fucked up. Maybe if I wait a little more, I could have gave him a chance to explain.

"Niko.. I know I'm not in the position of telling you this but please give him a chance."

"I'm so so so sorry Damien. God, I'm horrible. I hurt him" I sobbed hard, harder than I think I could.

I cried my heart out. He doesn't deserve any of this.

"Can you take to him? I need to apologize."

"Where to do you think I'm taking you?"

I watched outside. It's kind of dim because we are surrounded with trees. I can see few wolves around and some are looking at us.

"He was in the far left of that area." He pointed somewhere on the trail. "There is a little clearing there and a big tree. You can see him laying there. Please, talk to him and make him shift." 

I tiredly smiled. "Yes Damien, thank you very much for explaining. But Is the wolves here won't attacked me?"

"No. They know I'm with you so you're not a threat. And besides some of them are from school, they probably know about you and Alpha Zach." I take off from the car.

"I'll follow you behind and be around. I want you to talk with him in private. I'll just need to connect to Avery. She's somewhere here."

"Thank you very much Damien."

I took the trail Damien instructed me. Some of the wolves are making way for me. I hurriedly walked and hopped through the roots and branches in the ground until I saw the clearing. Then I saw a wolf in under the tree, sleeping. Probably tired from feeling down. I silently walked towards him this time. Then I lay down and hugged his wolf. I must have surprised him because he suddenly whine.

"I'm sorry Zach. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being selfish. I didn't know." I said as I was crying furiously beneath his fur. He pushed me a little away. He then turned into a human right in front of me but I was not scared.

"I'm sorry too Niko. I missed you so much." And now we were crying in each other's arm. 

-Misskaryaaa-