And yet there will be happiness...

Sidney

He strode out of the Room, fighting the urge to return. Sidney stopped abruptly, not sure what to do next. He was confused, his heart was beating like a madman, the blood was pounding in his temples and his throat felt sick. Sidney gasped for air, hoping to regain his composure. He glanced around, eager to find a place where he could think, and hastily retreated to the pillars. He saw Mrs. Campion coming out of the Hall, she went in the opposite direction, looking around, it was obvious that she was furious, Sidney knew that she was looking for him. Meeting Eliza was not part of his plan at the moment, and he found no better option than to hide in the gentlemen's Smoking room.
There was a relaxed atmosphere in the Smoking room, smoke fumes billowing around the room, gentlemen sharing their thoughts and gossip about the Audience, and groups of people talking and laughing enthusiastically. Sidney went to the corner and sat in the far stood by the window. His own thoughts were driving him mad. Hid heart was on fire. "There in the Hall, so close to me is my Charlotte!!! My Charlotte!!! My little girl!!!"He choked on his own feelings. He remembered every line of her face, every gesture, look, smile, the smell of her hair, and the warmth of her soft hands. Here she stood before him again, as if alive, on their balcony at the ball. He gently caressed her hands and forearms, unable to fight his own desires and the attraction between them. He wanted to touch her beautiful face, to touch every strand of her dark, soft hair, and he had an irresistible desire to hug her and hold her so tightly that he could feel her breath and heartbeat in her chest. He admired her openly. Her breath was quick with excitement, and her beautiful bosom, with its magnificent cleavage, rose divinely, bringing him to indescribable delight. Her long, graceful neck and soft, parted lips, the taste of which he still seemed to feel on his lips, drove him mad. In her dark eyes, he saw so much passion, love and tenderness that it seemed they could drown. Charlotte smiled at him tenderly, and the dimples that he loved so dearly made him forget everything. Sydney realized that he was completely and irrevocably lost, this young fairy took him prisoner,from which he did not want to be released.
"Wake up, she's here, next to you, alive, just as beautiful! How she looked at you! Dear, beloved Charlotte, how can I know what you think i am to you after all I've done? Do you need me now? What should I do?"These questions tormented him. It made him mad to think that he would be there, unable to touch her as before, unable to feel the warmth of her hands and soft body, unable to look into her beautiful eyes and see the response in them. It was unbearable.
He suddenly realized that their lives would never be the same after they met. Sydney felt that he was in a cage that he had forced himself. But only today, standing in front of the woman he loved with every fiber of his soul, he realized that he had not accepted and would never accept his fate. He needed her, his Charlotte, a part of his soul, without which his life was meaningless. He did not know how to get out of this trap, but for the first time, after that unfortunate fire, he felt that all was not lost, felt the strength to fight.
He remembered the day of Charlotte's departure from Sanditon, and his heart sank. He didn't know how to say goodbye to her, his whole being resisted her departure, and he needed her more than ever before. His heart was breaking, but he knew that if he gave in to his own feelings, he would never let her go, thus prejudging the fate of Tom and his family. He desperately did not understand why he had to make an impossible choice between two closest people, it was unfair and cruel. Sidney decided not to stir her up, and did not say good-bye, considering it the only right thing to do. But as soon as the carriage drove away from Trafalgar house, all his resolve evaporated. He should have seen her, even for a moment, should have touched at least for the last time. He mounted his horse and caught up with the carriage. How much he had wanted, and how little he had been able to say to her then. The  thoughts that she living somewhere and thinking badly of him was simply too much for him. Only then, standing on the hill and looking into her eyes, full of tears, he realized how strong was the woman he loved. The parting was bitter, and he was choking with pain and despair. It seemed to Sidney that all the joy in his life had gone with Charlotte. The moment when, with a last effort of will, he closed the door of her carriage stood before his eyes all the time they were apart. And now that she was so close again, he couldn't let that moment ever happen again.
"I can't let her disappear again, I need to find another way out."
- My friend, are you hiding in the corner from your Gorgon?" - leaning over to Sidney and putting hand him on reduce leverage almost that whispered Crowe - no wonder, I now met her in the hall, she vicious as a vixen, grapple managed carry its feet, than you so annoy it, Sidney?
Sidney said nothing, letting Crowe figure out the reasons for his behavior. He didn't want to talk to anyone, much less make excuses.
- I don't understand you and Babbington at all  - he already more cheerfully continued, drink some unknown tipple from its favorite flask - what you find in such women, one thing snort and forever hiked up  nose, on my view alone cons and no pleasure. Sidney was silent again, this time his friend had hit the nail on the head.
- Oh good, Babbers already lost for society- not let up Crowe - but you still not too late come to your senses, trust me this vixen will give about itself know, mark my Word, there are many talks about her in certain circles.
Sidney sighed sadly, knowing that his friend was right. Crowe took another SIP from his flask and leaned over to say, "there are so many beautiful birds here that you can sing a duet with," and laughed. Sidney forced a grin in response, leaving this remark without comment.
"By the way, I saw little Haywood, she's a pretty devil," he continued in a cheeky tone , " so much prettier, and still as hot and sharp-tongued as ever.
The mere mention of Charlotte's name, especially in this context, sent a hot wave of jealousy and rage through Sydney. He saw the crowd of admirers at her side again, and his heart went cold at the thought that any other man besides himself would dare to touch her, hold her hands, and look into her eyes, and he could imagine something more with horror.
- You know, such a sweet baby would probably suit me- Crow chuckled - with her probably nowhere is boring, even in bed.
Sidney was up in a split second, his face flushed with anger, and he grabbed his friend by the breasts and lifted him off the floor, leaning against the wall.
- Never dare to speak about her so - he shouted  - don't  touch her, and forget to think about her, you understood??? 
Sydney was breathing hard, unable to control his emotions. Crowe wanted to say something else, but he looked at his friend's face and shut up. He was pretty drunk, but realized that he was in a wild rage, which means that further jokes are not appropriate.
-- Okay okay I get it -muttered Crowe still hanging over the floor - no baby Haywood, I'll find myself more willing ladies.
Sidney was still breathing hard and struggling to calm down. Finally he put his friend back on his feet and let him go.
Happened had not gone unnoticed in the smoking room, but today Sydney didn't care about it. He simply left the room, leaving Crowe and the other gentlemen in complete disbelief. On the way home, all he could think about was Charlotte. Sidney knew that he had to find money for Tom and a way to break off his hateful engagement to Eliza, and the thoughts that Crowe had unwittingly forced on him compeled him to act even faster...

#Sanditon #Sanditonfanfiction