Beach Days ~T.H.~

Chapter 11

I'm taken aback by her words, but in a way I also feel compelled to answer. Like her bluntness makes me trust her. It's also makes me question how transparent I am. I don't talk to people about my problems. Up until now, I thought I had shoved them down far enough that no one could even tell.

Am I really that transparent that a girl I don't know can see right through me? Do I trust her enough to air out my worst days for the first time to her?

I notice that Lilia has gone elsewhere in the house and the answer is clear: I do.

I build up my courage and when the words finally escape from my mouth, they are barely audible and are accompanied by a few tears. "i was raped."

After a few unbearable moments of silence, I look up at Indiana.

I expect to see pity or lack of belief, but instead I see a comforting look upon her face. Like she knows everything and that she believes somehow that I'm okay.

We sit in silence for a few minutes until she finally speaks. "You're strong."

Her words are confident, comforting. She speaks it to be a fact, without pity in her voice.

"How long ago?" she asks.

"When I was 16. It was my uncle. He was drunk and says that he doesn't remember it. No one ever said they didn't believe me. They just wrote it off as a little mistake because he said he felt bad." My voice is monotone. My face is stone. I'm numb.

"That's bullshit," Indiana says, "but it makes you resilient. That is something that changed you. I can tell. You became stronger despite your trauma."

Her words are encouraging. They reinforce my feelings that I am no longer broken.

"Thank you for responding the way that you are," I say to her. "I haven't told anyone except you, but your reaction was the opposite of what I feared.

"You don't have to thank me. I should be thanking you for trusting me. I know now how right you are for Tayler. But don't worry: I'll let you tell him whenever you feel ready."

Talking about all of this makes me realize how thankful I am that Tayler stopped things that day on the beach. I wasn't ready! And thinking that I almost put myself in that position makes me question a lot of things about myself.

It also makes me realize that something else: I'm gonna have to tell Tayler.

I'm not sure how to feel about this realization, because I know that I trust Tayler, but I've been let down before. I don't want to go through that sinking feeling and deep cutting pain again.

I hug Indiana and thank her again. In just one conversation, I know that I've made a lifelong friend. We exchange numbers and I let her know that I'm going to find Tayler, but I promise to be back.

I make my way to one of the boys' bedrooms by following their voices. They're loud, so it's not all that difficult. When I find them, their actions entirely explain their volume; they're gaming.

I roll my eyes but find that it's actually pretty cute the way they compete with each other and get so intensely focused on the game. They're almost childlike, but in a charming way.

They're so focused, in fact, that they don't even notice that I'm there. I watch them for a few moments before Tayler glances up from the game. It takes him a second look to fully register that I'm there. He grins at me and puts down his controller despite the moans and groans of his friends.

As he walks toward me, my heart starts pounding in my chest and the nerves start to transform my legs to jello.

Am I really about to do this? Am I really going to show him how broken I truly am?