Patience & Love (title change: Breaking the Nerd)

Chapter Six

not edited

Chapter Six

Abella's POV

            Walking through the rows of books I finally find a nice quiet one far enough from all the prying eyes in the library. I settle in on the floor and begin pulling out my lunch bag and cell phone from my school bag. Opening up my small grey lunch box I pull out the cheese sandwich I made this morning for lunch. Peeling away the plastic wrap protecting it I open up the facebook app on my phone. Sometimes I miss having friends and being able to socialize but also, I enjoy moments like this of silence and not having to pretend to be someone I am not. Being someone, you're not eventually messes with the person you are.

            My thumb hovers over the search bar on facebook. Barrett, I think as the boy who saved me face feels my mind. I hate that I needed saving and that a guy did it makes this kind of suck more. But his eyes were this crystal blue that literally reminded me of a trip to the ocean my mother and I took when I was younger. I was so free and so normal. His hair was so dark it reminded my of the sky on a starless night. If I am being honest with myself though I think the most intriguing part was his patience. Most people realize I am not normal or easy to handle and just walk away. He stayed. He does not even know me. It is not like some bad romance movie where we were childhood friends that grew apart. This guy does not know me at all. Yet when I was in his arms, I cannot deny that it did feel like I knew him my whole life.  He was attractive but there was something so much more to him. There was not burning desire, but a giddy warm feeling of being safe and protected. I felt like no one could hurt me.

            Get a hold of yourself Abella, I tell myself. I swiftly type in his name as I take a bite out od my sandwich. My eyes fall on the first profile that comes up, Barrett Collins. I click on the profile and see a picture of the black hair and blue-eyed guy. It looked like a professional photo with the quality of it. He was leaned up against a brink wall with a blue letterman jacket on over a white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans on his hips. Barrett's white Jordan's could easily made out. His arm was casually thrown around the shoulders of a short brunette who was wearing a cheerleading uniform. The girl looked happy and like she was laughing. Nervously, I begin scrolling noticing that he does not really post a lot but that he does occasionally post some selfies. I notice however there is a lot of pictures that he is tagged in this girl Zoey posted. My heart sinks a little and I don't know why. Of course, a guy like him has plenty of girls to occupy his attention. I cannot help but scroll further and further back as curiosity gets the better of me and I find track and baseball pictures of a younger looking Barrett.

            Signing I back off of his page and back onto my main timeline.  Take a bite from my sandwich. I cannot believe I was just one of those girls that stalks a guy's profile. I know everyone has stalked someone at sometime... or so I hope. But it is embarrassing. Looking through my timeline I notice all of my old friends sharing selfies and group photos that look so full of laughter. Sometimes I wonder if that would be me if I never had my break that set my anxiety disorder free. I see my old friend Dani's photo beside the photo of Cain my elementary school and middle school crush. I notice it is a relationship status and I sigh. I wish I could say that could be me, but anxiety disorder or not I was never good at talking to guys. Actually, that was one of my pre-full anxiety disorder break issues. I was awkward and shy, but at least I was able to talk to some people and some people were able to talk to me.

            Groaning I close out of the facebook app. Leave it to that thing to make me feel sad. Depression seeps in, why am I this way. My anxiety makes me lonely and my loneliness makes me depressed. I should've known better than to get on social media. I know that it makes me depressed, this is not new. I finish my sandwich as I sit my phone on my lap.