Happy Thoughts (Frerard)

Chapter 7

Gerard's POV

 

I must've replayed my Smiths album three or four more times the next morning. It was relaxing to enjoy the music while playing back through the time I’ve spent with him in my head. I thought about the record shop, talking about pointless things, watching a movie while being so close to him, the heated conversation, and Frank's adorable smile that appeared multiple times throughout.. But one part stuck out more than the rest: my failed attempt to kiss Frank.

If only the pizza guy had showed up just a minute later, I would have gotten that kiss. But I like to think everything happens for a reason, so I didn't kick myself too much. But what did Frank think?

I guess it probably would have been a smart idea to wait until I knew what Frank's sexuality was, and even smarter if I had waited for clues that he was even attracted to me, but I just couldn't help myself.

I was beyond attracted to Frank. I wanted him so badly it felt as though I needed him, the same way drug addicts needed their venom. I wanted to shoot up on Frank's energy, I wanted his fingers between mine and I wanted his smile to be because of me. I wanted him beside me at that moment, curling his body against mine under my blanket.

Had I been selfish to try for a kiss? The poor boy had been losing everything he had to his disorder. Even his sister, who sounded to have been the only help he had, was giving up on Frank. He must have been worried beyond belief.

To what he had explained, Frank tried everything to even just depress the symptoms. But not all the psychiatrists or therapeutic drugs in the world could help. His sister provided for him, bringing him groceries and money since he couldn't hold a job of his own. Melissa, technically, was the one who owned the apartment. Without her, Frank would probably be on the streets or even dead.

I stood facing the window, drinking my coffee. I knew if Frank wasn't going to call me, I was going to call him. I figured I needed to get some progress on my next comic though, so I decided to start a couple pages at least, then call Frank.

I worked for a few hours on my comic before I headed down to the coffee shop, which was starting to seem very familiar. I had some coffee and a bagel before I called.

"Gerard! Uh, hi." It was so cute how he tried to contain his excitement.

"Hi Frank! I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again today."

"Oh yeah, that would be nice."

"Okay I'll head to your place, I'm at the coffee shop. Text me your address." I pushed in my seat and walked towards the door.

"Okay see you soon, bye!" We hung up and I left the coffee shop upon receiving Frank's text.

I found my way to Frank's apartment pretty easily, since I knew most of the way already. I knocked on the door and waited. No answer. I knocked again, rang the doorbell, and waited a minute or two, but still no answer.

"Frank? Frank are you in there? It's just me!" I yelled, hoping maybe he would hear, but still no answer. I called his phone and could hear it ringing on the other side of the door.

I tried opening the door myself, finding it was unlocked.

"Frank! I'm coming in, okay?" I slowly walked through the unfamiliar apartment. The TV and lights were on so he had to be home. I crept down a small hallway that seemed it would lead to a bedroom. "Frank?" I called his name much quieter, sensing something was wrong. I was really starting to worry.

"Ger--ard?" A cracking voice spoke softly, as if scared. "Gerard don't come back here, I, I--"

"Oh my god Frank!" I cried in horror. "What, what the hell! Frank," I crouched down beside him and tried to soften my tone. "Frank, what happened?"

I knew what happened, I just didn't know why he had done it. A pool of blood coated a good portion of the bathroom floor. The blade was still between Frank's shaking fingers, stained red. He looked up at me. His hazel eyes, empty and scared, sent a cold knife through my heart.

"I--I--I’m sorry Gerard, I--I'm so sorry, so so so sorry" Frank dropped the blade and buried his face against my chest as he bawled. “I, I didn't mean to. The voice, it--it just took control, Gerard. I--I didn't realize what I was doing, I’m sorry.”

"Don't be sorry sweetie, it's okay. I'm here now and I won't let the voice do this to you again, okay?" I pulled him in a tight embrace.

"Promise?" Terrified, tear-filled eyes looked up at me.

"I promise. It's going to be okay." I gave a dim smile. "Let’s get you cleaned up."

I sat him on the counter and rinsed some toilet paper with warm water, dabbing it on the open cuts.

"Do you have hydrogen peroxide and bandages?"

"In that cabinet," he pointed. "Above the toilet."

I got them out and continued tending to his cuts. He winced at the hydrogen peroxide a couple times but didn't complain. I wrapped his arm up with the bandage and wiped the blood off the floor. The amount was unbelievable, it was a miracle he hadn't passed out from blood loss.

"I'm going to throw this away, okay?" I lifted the blood stained blade.

"Okay…" Frank looked down in embarrassment.

"Frank," I lifted his head. "It's going to be okay, I promise. Just think happy thoughts."

"Thank you, Gerard," he looked at me, his eyes still damp. "You're the the most amazing person I've ever met, you really are."

He made me smile. "Frank, if you ever feel scared or threatened by the voice or by anything I want you to call me, no matter what time it is. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he mumbled.

"Okay good. Now come on, you should probably lay down and eat something after all of that." Frank nodded his head and allowed me to carry him to his bed.

Frank was surprisingly very light. I mean, I knew he couldn't weigh very much, given his small build, but I didn't know he was going to be that light.

Frank lied down and held my hand, smiling up at me. He looked as if he was going to say something, but no words left his pale lips. The lack of blood was beginning to show in his loss of energy and corpse colored cheeks.

"I'll be right back, okay?" I gave him a worried glance.

Frank nodded.

I rummaged through his kitchen, looking for something full of sugar and calories to reanimate the ghostly boy. Chocolate chunk cookies and water seemed to be all I could find. I brought them over to Frank and sat him up to eat. He scarfed down the food as if he hadn't eaten in days. After finishing his snack he just smiled at me. He didn’t say a single word, nor did he move. I sat at his feet, making sure he was going to be okay. It didn't take long before his eyes weighed down his mind and he fell into a deep sleep.

If I hadn’t showed up when I had, who knows what would have happened to Frank.

~