She wanted to die.
He wanted to live.
•••
A hand grabbed onto my wrist, yanking me back just as the train rushed past, before I'd even had time to comprehend whether or not I'd carry out the action. I stumbled back into the person's chest, my hear...
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Mine and Romeo's brains worked in very different ways.
At some moments, we couldn't be more similar, as though our thoughts were already pre-planned to think the exact same thing at the exact same time, when other times, we couldn't be more different. His relentless positivity was almost frustrating at times, especially now, when he couldn't understand that every single higher being – call it God, the Universe, Fate or Life itself – was quite frankly out to make my life a misery.
If fate truly wanted to help me, why did it continually push and shove me to the edge of my will to live, continually firing ammunition at me in every shape and form?
Why have all the bad things I've gone through had to happen?
Why am I stuck with Him, and why does He get worse in every interaction between us?
Why haven't my suicide attempts been successful, and why have I been forced to bear the unbearable aftermaths of each failed attempt at finally finding peace?
Because fate hates me. That's why.
"I just don't understand..." Romeo trailed off, breaking my gaze as he looked ahead, tugging on his hood, so that it hung just above his eyes, before slumping into his train seat and glancing back towards me. "Why are you so certain that giving away your trust will end badly?"
"Because I've been hurt before Romeo - we all have - but sometimes..." I sighed, running a hand through my unruly hair, "Sometimes it feels like my scars run a little deeper than everyone else's."
My scars aren't even scars yet: they're still wounds, gaping and open as I frantically try to stop the bleeding. And my wounds aren't surface-level cuts, or even skin deep gashes: they go deep down into my bones, the pain engraved into the cracks and fractures within the weakened structures.
"But why do you let your scars limit you Cass? Why do you let the past stop you from reaching the possibility of a hopeful future?"
I tensed at his words, casting my eyes away from his piercing ones as he spoke the harsh truth. I opened my mouth but shut it again, saved from having to reply when the automated announcement filled the train, alerting us of the next station we'd be stopping at. I could feel Romeo's gaze weighing down on me, his intensity still felt without our eyes even meeting.
Falling between us, the silence after the announcement was palpable, words on the tips of our tongues that neither of us wanted to spit out. The train was beginning to slow down, the screeching sound gradually increasing in volume within the passing moments as I blinked away any reminders floating their way to my mind's surface.
