“I forgive easily but I never forget.”
I hate how people easily break my trust like it’s just a cheap vase bought from a thrift shop. I hate how they keep on breaking their promises like as if they have unlimited access to it. I hate how they keep on saying best wishes but keep on dragging me to the pit they made like I was just some kind of a dirt. I hate how they say sorry like as if it was just a mere word without meaning. I hate how they think despicably of me while I think of them as someone highly. I hate how they could effortlessly run to me every time they’re in trouble while I have no one to run every time I feel like the world isn’t a place to keep on living. I hate how gentle I was to others but they’re like a wrecking ball to me. I hate how they see the flower in me but not my thorns. I hate how they keep on expecting that I could sail the boat easily amidst raging storms and big waves. I hate how they could straightforwardly speak their mind while I keep myself stuck on how to rightfully express how I am feeling. I hate how I seem so apparent but I am the other way around. I hate how I attached songs to people. I hate the fact that every time I listen to it I keep on remembering them. I hate how they could only remain in the poems I made but never in my life. I hate how they could make a prologue in my life but never an epilogue. I hate how they continually become discarded drafts before even getting published. I hate how they’ve become movies with unexpected endings. I really hate how they discarded me as an art when they find another piece. And, I hate how I simply forgive people while having a hard time forgetting what they did to me. I swear, I certainly hate how I have become. Really, I hate everything. You know what I really hate the most? As I was writing this piece, I realized how conditional I have become. I’ve been expecting too much from people to shed the same light as I did to them. I was foolishly hoping to be reciprocated even if it’s just a little bit. Was I wrong to expect just a little bit? Was I wrong for wanting help? Was I? Well, I hate how I wonder things would be and could be where in fact I couldn’t choose the situation I will be in. I really hate it. I really hate it because no matter what I still end up blaming myself and embracing this kind of modern loneliness.
