crack one shots

frank iero X pete wentz hatefuck

a/n sorry for not posting in this since last fucking April lmao I'm just uncreative 💔

anyway i got this idea from an old tumblr shit post enjoy

-

the year is 2001.

fall out boy is a relatively new band, as well as another band that had just sprouted from across the nation; my chemical romance.

a chicago citizen person male cock-bearing boy by the name of pete wentz walked into his mansion, already being one of the most influential rock stars of 2004 even though it was 2001 and the first fall out boy album isn't even out yet (?), throwing off his beautiful satin cloak that was draped over his unusually emo shoulders.

scene kids scraped at his window as he sat in his office. he paid no mind to the screaming girls in eyeliner and breathe carolina bracelets with their ipods, taking pictures for myspace.

if this were 2021, they'd listen to jazmin bean, pete thought.

among them, however, was a man.

this was no ordinary man. this man was a whore in a gay band called my chemical romance. he literally played guitar- how fucking lgbtq is that????

all gay pride aside, peter lewis noticed this twink man outside his emo little window in his emo little house in this emo little town in this emo little county in this emo little state in the emo little country in this emo little continent in this emo little earth in this emo little solar system revolving around this emo little sun in this emo little milky way galaxy in this emo little never ending universe that gives me emo little existential crisis's every emo little day.

when pete caught a glimpse of mr pissbbabhy, he was in awe of how HORRIBLE the gay man was, those ugly white boy dreadlocks, that gross greasy body, just oh.

ah! it was lunchtime. pete's emo little butler called him downstairs.

he forced his gaze away from that hideous man and trudged down his stairs and into his grand dining room with 50 chairs but only one man- wait no, two men!!!

it was the twink from outside.

"how the hell did you get in here!?" pete yelled in disgust, throwing his hands over his eyes.

"maybe if you locked a fuckin' door, you little bitch," the 'man' said back, taking a long drag from the burning cigarette- no, no, nevermind, that was weed.

where the fuck did he get weed in this economy????

"believe it or not, you fucking pissbaby, i don't want strangers in here. GET OUT."

fucking pissbaby laughed and shook his gay little head.

"what are you gonna do? force me?" another drag from his lump of weed in paper.

pete took another step closer, but hesitated.

"you're fucking disgusting," he said simply.

"well? i'm waiting, or are you..."

"don't you insult me in my own fucking house!"

"...chicken??"

pete couldn't control his anger. he grabbed the gay male by his greasy dreadlocks and pulled him in for a surprisingly passionate kiss. well, that's one way to settle an argument.

neither pulled away.

until they had to, y'know, that thing called inhaling my oxygen and  exhaling carbon dioxide or monoxide one of those idk i failed science.

frank the piss man did a gay fucking smirk.

"take me to dinner first- oh-"

plot twist!

pete whipped a huge dragon cock dildo out of his back pocket and shoved it where the sun doesn't shine and never will.

piss baby smirked again. he knew tonight would be a night he'd never forget.