Without You [KongpobArthit 18+]

-06- 🖤 No Right To Love You

"Cause I have no right to love you, when I chose to walk away. I have no right to miss you, when I didn't wanna stay. And I have no right to need you, and I knew what my heart was gonna lose. I have no right to love you, but I do, I still do."
~Rhys Lewis, 'No Right To Love You'

~~~

*Kongpob's POV*

The early morning light streams in from the window, creating a glow on Arthit's creamy skin. He's laying on his stomach, pouty lips slightly parted as he slumbers peacefully. His silky black hair brushes messily against his forehead, dipping down into his closed eyes. The blanket pools around his waist, exposing his bare back and the many light purple love bites that decorate his fair skin.

Staring at him, my stomach twists with regret.

What the hell was I thinking? Sleeping with Arthit, when things are so uncertain between us. We haven't talked about... anything. What happened two years ago, whether or not we want to get back together, or what Bright had said.

That last thought makes my chest ache. Is Arthit really dating someone? Did I... make love to him while he has someone else waiting for him?

This isn't right.

I can't be here like this with him. Not when he's seeing someone else.

As quietly as I can, I slip out of bed and get dressed in my workout clothes. After cleaning my mouth, I write a note to leave on the nightstand.

Arthit,

I don't know what last night meant to you. I need time to think about this, alone. I'm going out for a run. Please be gone before I get back.

Kongpob

The note kills me to write, because every fiber of my being wants to shower Arthit with affection after last night. Make him breakfast in bed, draw up a hot bath to relieve his aching muscles. It's not like me to kick him out, but I need time. I need to organize my thoughts, and I can't do that if he's here.

I decide to at least leave a cup of coffee and some toast on the bedside table. It's not nearly enough, but it's still something. I place the note next to his plate and slip out of my apartment.

The cool morning air fills my lungs as I lean my head back, letting the sun soak into my skin. Morning runs are one of my favorite pastimes. When Arthit and I were still together, I would get up early to go for a run, shower, and make us breakfast. Arthit has always hated waking up early, which I'm thankful for today. If he had been awake, I don't think I would've had the strength to leave.

My feet noiselessly hit the pavement as I begin my jog. The farther I get from my apartment, the easier it is to breathe.

Running is the perfect way to keep my mind off of who is currently sleeping in my bed. Although... it doesn't stop my mind from wandering to painful memories.

| FLASHBACK |

It was my third year of university. Arthit was sitting on my bed with his legs stretched out in front of him; his back resting against the headboard. He held my old journal in his hands, flipping through the memories I had recorded of my first year. Every time he would smile, his adorable dimple would appear and his eyes would sparkle, melting my heart.

I sat on the bed next to him, smiling as he continued to look through my journal.

"You miss me when I was a first year, right?" I asked.

"Said who?" Arthit fired back. "I didn't say that. It's all in your head."

I chuckled, knowing that Arthit only said things like that when he was too embarrassed to admit his feelings. His lips twitched up into a smile, one that he tried and failed to suppress.

Taking the journal out of his hands, I set it on my bedside table and looked up at Arthit with a mischievous grin.

"What?" Arthit questioned, eyeing me skeptically.

"Can I try something?"

"Depends... what is it?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes," he answered automatically, his cheeks turning pink. Smiling, I leaned in and softly kissed his cheek. Arthit's eyes fluttered as I continued to pepper soft kisses around his face and jawline.

"K-Kong," he stammered when I moved down to his neck. His fingers gripped my sleeves, finding support as he pulled me closer. My lips trailed back up until I was a breath away from his mouth. Arthit's eyes were heavy-lidded; a dark blush dusting his cheeks.

"Can I?" I whispered. Arthit studied me for a moment, realizing that I wasn't just asking for permission to kiss him. He gulped and nodded his head. I closed the small gap between us and covered his mouth with mine.

Arthit moaned against my lips, drawing his arms up to wrap around my neck. I deepened the kiss, slipping my tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth. I shifted on the bed so I could lower Arthit down onto the mattress. Hovering over him, I positioned myself between his legs as I kissed him tenderly. My thigh brushed against his arousal, making him squirm. I smiled against his lips. I always loved how responsive my lover was.

My hands slowly worked on the buttons of Arthit's shift. He trembled beneath me as I carefully removed his clothing; venturing into new territory. Arthit and I had explored different aspects of our relationship, but this would be the first time we would go all the way.

I didn't want to fuck him. I wanted to make love to him. To hold him and make him feel like he was the only one in my heart, because he was. My love, my Arthit, my Ai'Oon.

| PRESENT DAY |

I shake my head, trying to force the memory to stop playing in my mind. It was hard enough to leave Arthit alone in my bed. I don't need to think about our first time right now.

I know he's going to be hurt when he wakes up, and possibly angry. Why shouldn't he be? Leaving a note that told him to get out was a horrible thing to do. Anyone would be hurt by that.

Guilt settles in my stomach. Fuck, maybe I should go back and talk to him instead. Hopefully he hasn't woken up yet, and we can talk. Turning around, I jog back towards my apartment.

"Arthit?" I call out once I'm back home.

Silence.

Fear grips my chest as I walk into my bedroom. The food on the table is untouched, but the note is gone.

And so is Arthit.

~~~

:(

Thoughts??

See you next time!
-Gumbie