Without You [KongpobArthit 18+]

-07- 🖤 Can't Go Back

"But, you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you. No, you don't know what it's like when you can't go back. 'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you. And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose?"
~Dean Lewis, 'Lose My Mind'

~~~

*Arthit's POV*

Waking up in Kongpob's bed with a smile already spread across my lips, I stretch out in the rumbled sheets. Last night was... indescribable. No, really, I don't think I would be able to find the words to say how much last night meant to me. It gave me hope that we'll be able to fix us, to get back to where we once were.

Rolling over, I frown when I notice the spot next to me is empty. Although, that's not surprising. Kongpob has been an early bird for longer than I've known him. He probably got up to shower and make breakfast already.

I sit up, stretching my arms over my head. Our clothes are still scattered around the floor, which makes me pause. That's odd. Whenever Kongpob would wake up before me, he would tidy up the mess we made the night before. Does he not do that anymore?

"Kongpob?" I call out, my voice a tad hoarse from last night's activities.

Silence.

The smell of coffee reaches my nose, and I turn my head towards the bedside table. There's a plate of breakfast and a cup of coffee placed there. Did Kongpob leave this for me? I reach for the coffee, pausing when I notice a note.

Arthit,

I don't know what last night meant to you. I need time to think about this, alone. I'm going out for a run. Please be gone before I get back.

Kongpob

My heart drops into my stomach. He's... kicking me out? After everything that happened last night? And here I was, laying in his bed like a fool, thinking we were getting back together. Tears of anger and humiliation burn in my eyes as I crumple the note. I stand up, wincing as my back aches slightly while I get dressed. I can't explain why, but I snatch the note as I'm leaving his bedroom. Maybe I need it as proof that we're not getting back together.

I storm out of Kongpob's apartment, forcing the tears stay at bay. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I can't cry over him, not again. Not when I spent many months doing so already.

'I love you, Ai'Oon.'

My steps falter. Kongpob said he loves me last night. Did I just imagine that, in my desperation to feel loved by him again? Am I losing my mind??

I can't take this. I need to talk to someone. Pulling out my phone, I quickly dial the first person I can think of. The line rings twice before he answers.

"Hello?"

"Prem? Can we talk?"

***

After I've showered and freshened up, Prem agrees to meet me for coffee. I walk into the cafe, and Prem waves me over to where he's sitting.

"I hope I didn't disrupt any of your plans," I say apologetically as I sit down across from him.

He waves me off. "Don't sweat it. Is everything okay? Your voice sounded off over the phone."

Smiling weakly, I lie, "I'm fine."

Prem gives me a droll stare. "Arthit. The last time you asked to meet like this was after you and Kongpob broke up. What's going on? Is it Kong again?"

Biting my lip, I nod my head. "We... slept together. Last night."

"Last night?" Prem's eyes bulge. "After you left Bright's restaurant?"

"Yeah," I sigh, leaning back in my chair. "I wanted to make sure he got home safe, but then he invited me in and... we got carried away."

"Okay," he says slowly. "Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that when I woke up this morning, he was gone. He left breakfast for me, along with a note telling me to get out."

"A note?"

I nod, pulling the crumpled up note out of my pocket. I pass it over to Prem, and he reads it with furrowed brows.

Prem shakes his head. "Arthit... I think there's more behind this note than you're thinking."

"What do you mean? He clearly said he wanted me out."

"Yes, but read the first line. He doesn't know what last night meant to you. What if he's scared too?"

I pause at that. Kongpob's scared? "Scared of what?"

"Think about it. You two broke up because Kongpob felt like your relationship wasn't going anywhere, right?" Prem confirms, and I nod guiltily. "Read the note again, Arthit. He's scared. He doesn't know if last night meant that you want to get back together. And even if you do, does that mean you're now willing to move forward with your relationship, like he wanted to years ago?"

"I... I don't know," I stutter. "I guess I didn't think that far ahead."

Prem nods. "And I think Kong knows that. That's why he's scared, because he knows you aren't sure what you want. You need to be honest with yourself, Arthit. What do you want?"

"I want him back," I respond confidently. Because it's true. I miss him so much that it hurts.

"Enough to put faith in your relationship and tell your parents?"

"B-But—"

"No buts," Prem cuts me off. "Yes or no? How much does Kongpob mean to you? Is he worth taking a risk for? Or are you content with letting him go for good?"

No. I can't let him go. These past two years have been hell. I know I'll never love someone as much as I love Kongpob, and I doubt I'll ever let someone get as close to me as he did. But my family...

"What if my family rejects us?" I question with a fearful whisper.

"They might," Prem agrees with a shrug. "I never said either option would be easy. When I told my family about Wad, they didn't approve. But when it became clear that I would choose my relationship in the end, they decided they would make an effort so they wouldn't have to lose me. Your parents may be upset; in fact, they might be more upset because you kept it a secret for so long. In the end, what's going to make you happier? Keeping your parents blissfully ignorant, or being with the one you love?"

I raise my head, locking eyes with Prem. He grins and nods, not needing me to say anything. He can tell from the look in my eyes that I've made my decision.

I can't live without Kongpob.

~~~

Yay!! Arthit is gonna man up and get his man back!

Thoughts??

See you next time!
-Gumbie